Tea Party!

I had to pause my ongoing bitchfest here from Camp Morningwood in the middle of The Suck and try and say something positive about my surroundings.  Yes, yes – I know this is scary and you’re not used to that.

Up front, a disclaimer: THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL POST. If you’re a half-drunk, overly-opinionated, self-righteous asshatted douchenozzle who wants to wade in and troll my comments on my blog, I’d suggest you go the fuck away and crawl back into whatever little self-created world of fuckery you exist in where you’re god and everyone else exists for your entertainment and self-aggrandizement because in my world, that makes you a target.

Anyway, on with my rant, which is brought to you by the letter T, who also sponsors tanks.

A while back, challenged with poor sleep and an Army who (oddly) expects me to be awake on duty, I began to feel challenged in my efforts to stay conscious when I stopped moving. Like any good Soldier, I leveraged the power of caffeine to do this. I was awake, I was good – for a while. Enter the evil malaria pills.

Naturally, the Army hands these out for our protection. They’re a low-level, low-dose antibiotic that allegedly helps prevent malaria in the event you’re infected. I’ve yet to see data supporting their efficacy, but I do have personal experience in their side effects. First, they’re a stimulant, so taking one before bed gives you funky dreams if you can fall asleep. Second, the chemistry of the doses has the effect of eroding your stomach lining, so taking them with breakfast means your oatmeal is about to give you heartburn.

I figured this out by myself, I’d point out. Throwing strong coffee down my throat, or worse – soda pop (carbolic acid) – was making my life hell, and so was not being awake. So I did what I do best – I made a decision. Based on the fact that I’d seen exactly two mosquitoes in the summer months here, I stopped taking the anti-malaria shit. It doesn’t hurt to breathe now, and water no longer causes pain.

Along the way, though, I rediscovered a drink that I’d forgotten tasted so good. Iced tea. Yep, sweetened of course, and dispensed from those awesome bubbler fountain things. For extra caffeine, I throw in a teabag and let that shit get dark. Amazing. Even better, I’m not seeing any side effects yet. I do think it’s odd I’m getting a darker tan going into winter here, but oh well.