Real Man Of Genius

A while ago I got a note from a great fellow blogger of long association, El Guapo. Why, after ignoring him on this deployment, he opted to bring me in on this I have no idea, but that’s just who The Guapster is. Anyway, the idea he pitched was a celebration of no less than John Erickson’s birthday. I’ll have you know that Erickson is by far my most prolific commenter, and until he finally got off his ancient ass and made his own blog, I kind of felt like a co-blogger with him.

So with the gauntlet – or Guaplet – so manfully thrown down, I cannot back down from this challenge and have rearranged my schedule accordingly so I could wake early on enough mornings to have some bandwidth to post this in time.

Unless you live under a fucking rock, you’ve likely heard of John Erickson. I suspect he’s got more blog post comments out in blogland than Wilt Chamberlain has surprise babies. Imagine my surprise in the Summer of 2011 as a new, untested blogger when Erickson shows up and commandeers my commentary with full-page expository on the nuances of militaria and World War II equipment that even I didn’t know. Thus started our painful relationship of coblogging. I’m still unclear about which side John fought on in WWII – Britain, Canadia, or Germany… but past is past, right?

What many of you out there may not know is that John’s expertise in all things mechanical goes back for years. Born on the US/Canadian border (literally) without arms or legs, he managed to overcome his disabilities and join productive society via the nefarious world of goat husbandry. Things were rocky at first, but once someone straightened him out on the definition of ‘husbandry’ all charges were dropped, and the local farmers put away their weapons.

Closely tied to this, you may also be amazed to know that John Erickson’s interest in military equipment is founded in many key events from his life. At some unrecorded date, it was John himself that discovered smooth stones fly truer than the rough sort. Rumor has it that an embarrassing day with Ghengis Khan led to the invention of the stirrup, though he’s not cited anywhere because he was recovering from the severe trampling he received after sliding off under the pony.

Rumor also has it that he was the first to exit the field at Balacalava, saying the prophetic but unrecorded words, “Fuck you guys and your charge. I want my stirrups!” More modern history has also failed to record John Erickson’s greatness and contributions, but his own commentary – legendary as it comes – has fully documented this. I can at least give him some solace by informing him that his efforts to make the AMC Gremlin a military staff car were approved, but the paperwork – sadly – was lost.

Were I musically inclined, I’d compose and perform a “Real Men of Genius” ode to John Erickson, but luckily I’m just bright enough to know that I wasn’t created to be musical. So I’ll conclude this rant in the same thought, and capture in words my thought as follows:

“Happy Birthday, Sir John of Erickson! Here’s to you, Mister Unsung Inventor Of Obscure But Important Military Hardware and Fittings.”

And of course a respectful nod to Mrs. Erickson, who keeps John on his meds… thankfully, she’s opted not to do a cake, because the number of candles on that baby to celebrate John’s hatching would be seen from fucking Mars.

PLEASE ALSO VISIT THESE OTHER BLOGS AND CELEBRATE THE CREEPINESS OF JOHN!

El Guapo

Doggy’s Style

AFrankAngle

FiftyFourAndAHalf

LifeOfJaimie

BenzeKnees

Madame Weebles

Fasab

Archon’s Den

The Idiot Speaketh