Embracing The Suck – Part Four

So by now you all must realize I have come and gone already on my not-so-mid-tour leave. If not, go back to February and repeat. If you’re not a regular here, then why the hell not? Got some better blog to hang out on? Anyway, I have more rantaliciousness that I’ve gathered in that effort. I’m astounded that it took me six full days to go from Kansas City to Kabul, but thank you very much, U.S. Air Force. Dicks. I believe my ass is still molded into the shape of an airplane seat.

On a bright note, they have managed to procure and install an new shower head in my favorite shower stall. Some explanation: being an overly-neat person, I tend to shower in the same stall based on the theory that at least a high percentage of the germs in the given stall are mine. That idea I can halfway live with. Anyway, new shower head and total win! Water actually comes out of it now.

Even better, I found some clothespins at home, so that now I can pin the mildewed curtain to the opening and it will not suck inward and make contact with my flesh. No, I’m not a panzie. Would you want a mildew-encrusted shower curtain teeming with someone else’ wee beasties touching you? I thought not. So I’ll pick my own man-soup over someone else’s any day, no questions asked.

There are already clothespins in the showers, you should know. However, there is an ongoing war over which stall they reside among the denizens of my barracks. Being my typical ranty self, I of course believe that when I reposition them to “my” stall, they ought to stay there. Naturally one of my fellow douche lords has to be That Guy who moves them. No longer. Now I will simply take my own clothespins with me and say ‘fuck all y’all.’ Plus, my germs! More win!

So I’ve been back in lovely Kabul for a few short days so far (as-of this writing). I was shocked to discover Spring-like weather here after being fucking buried by fluffy, frozen water in Kansas. Thanks for that. Not that I’m complaining about the warm weather here, so don’t get me wrong. I only wish I wasn’t so jetlagged that I could better appreciate it all. I have no fucking clue as to what time zone I’m in, circadian rhythm-wise.

I suppose that I shouldn’t complain too much because I have fewer than sixty days left here. Yeah, right – I have to bitch, because I do it so fucking well that I make it an art form.

More to follow.

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30 Responses to “Embracing The Suck – Part Four”

  1. wee beasties…that’s awesome! Glad to see you have procured the usage of Douche Lord!

  2. You have less than 60 days there, I will be headed there in 60 days. Well, not Kabul, but the sandbox. I’ll make a note and bring clothespins.

  3. Welcome back to the interwebs!
    I’m glad to see that *I* didn’t accidentally un-subscribe *you* – in some fit of “clean up my Inbox”!

    Mazel tov on acquiring more “comforts sorta like home” for your fave shower, dude – even if you’re getting close to outta-there (Which totally rocks, BTW)!!

  4. “Man-soup”? You’re supposed to be showering, not taking a bath! And besides, you should never worry about stuff growing in the shower, until it introduces itself or gives you a wolf-whistle. (And yes, I’ve had both happen – different showers. 😯 )
    Six days, eh? Next time, pack your butt in a big crate marked “Caviar for General (whoever’s running things this week) – Rush Order”. You should be there in 36 hours, tops. Just don’t mark it “RUSH – AMMO”, or we may NEVER hear from you again….

  5. By the by, don’t forget to drop in on my site Thursday our time (that’s what, next week Wednesday, or last week Saturday?). I think you’ll enjoy the post – even if it ISN’T all about the Army. (Well, it kinda is, if you know your history.)

  6. Your rant is the work of a master. Nothing says nasty like a community shower. Eeew. Looking forward to more!

  7. Wee beasties sound nasty. Ugh…Rock on, Rants.

  8. whiteladyinthehood Says:

    Smart move with the clothespins! I would send you some bleach to kill out the wee beasties but…they probably wouldn’t let me. Hope the nice weather puts a spring in your step and smile on your face.

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