I Love Fucking With The Man

Don’t believe the title? Well, I do. Why? Because I have little future in the Army so I’m going to have fun with what I have left. Here’s the story:

TO: LTC Rants
FROM: Rants’ Boss
DATE: Monday
SUBJECT: Briefing

Rants,

Need you to build a PowerPoint brief for the new civilian Director for our organization. Keep in mind, he knows nothing about what we do, but will need the 30,000-ft picture of that. Explain what we do. Keep it short. Don’t overwhelm him.

–Boss

TO: Rants’ Boss
FROM: LTC Rants
DATE: Tuesday
SUBJECT: RE: Briefing

 Sir,

Please find attached the concept based on your guidance regarding the new dude. Hope this is righteous enough.

 Love,

Rants

Slide1

 ————————————–
TO: LTC Rants
FROM: Rants’ Boss
DATE: Wednesday
SUBJECT: RE: RE: Briefing

 LTC Rants:

I did not find anything vaguely amusing or funny about your sarcastic presentation. Stick to the facts.

– Your Boss

TO: Rants’ Boss
FROM: LTC Rants
DATE: Thursday
SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: Briefing

 Sir,

Kicked this idea up a notch – BAM!!.

 Love,

Rants

Slide2Slide3Slide5

——————

TO: LTC Rants
FROM: Rants’ Boss
DATE: Friday
SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: RE: Briefing

 LTC Rants,

I would almost believe you are being intentionally obtuse, but I’m not sure you’re bright enough to fake that condition. Re-look this project and come back to me with something worth looking at. We need something that captures the spirit of our organization yet summarizes the immensity of what we manage to do daily. Optimize your presentation with some relevant words and imagery. Tell our story.

-Your irritated boss

TO: Rants’ Boss
FROM: LTC Rants
DATE: Monday
SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Briefing

 Sir,

I’ve managed to interpolate the lint of your dreamcatcher imagination quite well here in the absence of even vague guidance. I don’t think much could top this shit… evar! LOL.

 Rock on,

The Rants Cowboy (Not Maurice)

Slide2Presentation2Slide5

—————————–

TO: LTC Rants
FROM: Rants’ Boss
DATE: Tuesday
SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Briefing

 Rants-

Obviously you are not taking this seriously. Internet cats and memes have no place in Our Army. You should know this after 22 years. Perhaps you should reevaluate your career choices and think of the future. I expect an actual product on the next turn, with less Busey and more emphasis.

-Boss and Rater

TO: Rants’ Boss
FROM: LTC Rants
DATE: Wednesday
SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Briefing

Dear Supreme Galactic Commander,

 Sorry to piss you off. You’re right – I obviously got some key facts wrong, and mischaracterized our work and organization. Please consider the following slide deck in lieu of my clearly-fucked-up and vastly-immature product.  More emphasis included. Such awesome. Wow. What derp.

 Elvis Lives,

Rants

Slide2Slide6Slide5

————–

So my boss didn’t like the revisions. No idea what the fuck-all I’m doing wrong.

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68 Responses to “I Love Fucking With The Man”

  1. You should have added rockets, he would have liked it if it had rockets. Just sayin’…. Rockets!!!

  2. I don’t know what you’re doing wrong either… but then again, I’m surprised either of us have a job.

  3. My email truncated your post title to the first three words. I swear that’s not why I read it though. This was fucking hilarious. I’ll contact you if I ever need some Powerpoint inspiration.

  4. Gary Busey never gets old.

  5. I don’t get it either. I would have promoted you at least twice throughout this process.

  6. That is fucking hilarious PP work.

    Happens in civilian life too.

    You ended your email to your superior “Love, Rants”…twice. Bwahaha.

    Off for bacon.

  7. Taint stain.

    Not directed at anybody, I just wanted to say it.

    Carry on.

  8. Think you need more cats – that should help.
    A Rolling On The Floor Laughing post…

  9. Is “re-look” a verb? I don’t know who made me laugh more, you or him. You’re so close to retirement with full benefits. Why blow it now?

  10. NotAPunkRocker Says:

    Are you available for contract work?

  11. That’s 77 different kinds of fabulous. Well done and thanks for busey-ing my Monday!

  12. I so need a Busey clock…

  13. Clearly you are wiser, and more honest, than Boss Man.

    Have you read this one? http://www.27bslash6.com/p2p2.html In light of this post, I think you’ll enjoy the boss/subordinate conversation here.

  14. I have worked for your boss too! Never satisfied, no matter what you do! Maybe if you’d put a tank or 2 or some army green into your presentation?

  15. Ballroom dance instructor.

  16. Rants – this is proof that you would THRIVE in the private sector!

  17. I notice he had no actual input on capturing ‘the spirit of our organization yet summarizes the immensity of what we manage to do daily’ other than the actual use, and rejection of several, power point presentations – Thanks Army!

  18. whiteladyinthehood Says:

    You are so damn funny, Rants!

  19. Showed this to my military son, made perfect sense to him. But I think bacon and covers should have been added.

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