I Can Die Now

You need to sit down.  Right now.  Because this just happened… yesterday… as-of May 29th, late at night, that is.  Are you ready?  Seriously?

10344-2Feast your eyes on these digital tidbits of AwesomeCon that I got to experience here in DC.  Mind you, this is after a whole day from 6AM until 5PM of being all I can be in the Army… which is awesome by definition.  Awesome if you like being a cube monkey.

Yes, there was an entire Star Wars corner, which I think Twindaddy was manning, judging by the troopers waiting to take my money.


Twindaddy on duty, did not find ‘droid


This gets better.  Mind you, I had no idea this was about to happen.  Someone much smaller than I am arranged all this and merely sent me a note at work that said, “Are you free tonight?”  Duh – all men know the answer to that.  I figured we’d see a movie and grab dinner – not in that particular order – and I’d pretend to be enthusiastic about the food.  I was so fucking wrong, the ‘fucking wrong’ part of it just created a whole new universe unto itself.

Waaaaaay in the back of the massive Washington convention center, we arrived at a booth.  I got handed this:

Ignore the idiot in the gray tee-shirt.

Ignore the idiot in the gray tee-shirt.

Once there, I got my instructions:

  1. Stand there. Got it – Army dudes stand there well.
  2. Wait.  We also do waiting to a standard that rocks are jealous of.
  3. Prepare to be amazed. This one was the challenge. Mainly, that was because no sketchy food was going to be involved.

I noted that someone had taped off the floor with line markers and one read, “VIP,” while the other said, “Rants and shit.”  I assumed that was an awesomer category than Vaginally Impacted Pusbag.  That could be my personal interpretation, mind you.  Sometimes I have self-aggrandizement issues.  Most of the time, I get straight the fuck over myself.

Twenty minutes later, I’m handed this:


Autograph names blurred to protect the idiot blogger.  Desk struggled to bear the awesome of this picture.

Autograph names blurred to protect the idiot blogger. Desk struggled to bear the awesome of this picture.

That’s right, people:







(I fist-bumped Shat)

 How do you follow up that experience?  Easy: you buy some Con Merch.  We picked up this awesomesauce poster for our basement rec room that will look bitchen next to the Godzilla poster.  My plotting conspirator had wanted this for a long time…


Why this is beyond awesome:  I’ve watched Star Trek (all of it) since I was as tall as my own adult fucking leg.  I grew up watching Captain James Tiberius Kirk rescue the Universe and humanity from Klingons and self-aware rocks (like me).  Star Trek – and Captain Kirk – slash – William Shatner, are the main reason I focus on SciFi when I write.  Yes, I’m a Trekkie.

More to the point, I’m the luckiest man on this planet.  Thank you, baby.

47 Responses to “I Can Die Now”

  1. Woo Hoo for TJ Hooker!!!

    Someday a kid wearing ‘Rants merch will wait in line with a book for you to autograph. Count on it.

  2. i am a big fan of your work kindly follow my blog on wordpress

  3. I have to agree; your life is complete….

    My own chance at the same sort of luck was shattered recently, when Leonard Nimoy passed away, before I had a chance to exchange Vulcan salutes in person… Now, I’ll have to settle, because my other dream Trek characters are all dying off… Yeoman Janice Rand is gone, (Leslie Parrish)(who, as it turns out, may have been the most perfect woman ever born, since Eve..), Checkov’s getting old, so is Sulu. I don’t know if McCoy is still around, but, two curmudgeons in one room might not be safe for anyone….

    Lucky bastard… I’m green…

    gigoid, the dubious


  4. You have some awesome merch. 🙂

  5. Dude, that rocks. Good for you!

  6. Randstein Says:

    That’s awesomeness to the max; but, did you have a good time? 🙂 I was a young teen when Kirk exploded into space on my parent’s black and white TV console made of the finest faux cherry wood. I had never seen anything like it before. Later, when the family provider decided color TV was necessary, it made it real and I traveled to distant galaxies humming strange melodies as my bicycle hit warp speed across the neighborhood. Life was never the same after that.

    • I completely understand what you describe. I have been a Trekkie since… I was about seven. No kidding. Captain Kirk is like a relative to me.

  7. Just a friendly reminder Rants. Starfleet insignia are definitely not authorized for official U.S. army uniforms. 😥 Although, I think that they should be. 😀

  8. Sounds like the best kind of date night ever! I have yet to attend a -con. I would love to go. Especially to pick up some amazing Star Wars versions of WWI/WWII propaganda posters.

  9. That’s a great pic of me. I can’t believe you were more excited to see Shat than me.

  10. You. Found. That. Poster. for real?! Classic. classic. Yes, Luck smiled on you. (sigh) And Capt. Kirk, too. Priceless.

  11. Love it! I’ve seen every episode! So glad you are finally free to die. 😉

  12. You have some awesome merch. 🙂

  13. I’m a die hard Trekkie and my husband, also Army, refuses to watch the original Trek movies with me. (Well, obviously not the first one because that one’s rubbish) This wouldn’t be so bad, but he’s a big fan of the new J.J. Abrams reboot and now feels he knows all about the Kobyashi Maru. I’m so jealous of your experience! I love William Shatner.

  14. I totally agree. The only way I was able to deal with it was to compartmentalize it into its own alternate universe, totally separate from true Star Trek canon. Any advice, soldier to soldier, on how to get my husband to watch the ‘good’ Star Trek movies?

    • Admittedly, only every other movie is worth watching. I think it’s the even numbered ones. Start with those. Bribe him with beer or sex.

  15. You’re quite right about the even number thing although you kinda have to watch ‘The Search for Spock’ in order for ‘The Voyage Home’ to make any sense. Good thinking about the bribery. I’ll give it some thought.

  16. So did you actually meet William Shatner or just see him in person? Either would be amazing and I really am jealous. So are you one of those people who feel the need to debate which is the best Captain, Kirk or Picard?

    • I got the autograph, formatted with “fill out what you want on a post-it and he’ll sign.” However, we exchanged a word or two and then fist-bumped.

      Picard and Kirk are equally bad-assed.

  17. […] around and browse the geekdom and peruse the nerdspace stuff for sale.  Yes, and by the way, I got to fist-bump William “Captain Motherfucking Kirk” Shatner and get his autograph.  Check that shit out […]

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