You need to sit down. Right now. Because this just happened… yesterday… as-of May 29th, late at night, that is. Are you ready? Seriously?
Feast your eyes on these digital tidbits of AwesomeCon that I got to experience here in DC. Mind you, this is after a whole day from 6AM until 5PM of being all I can be in the Army… which is awesome by definition. Awesome if you like being a cube monkey. Continue reading
Here in my new and final incarnation for the Army, I’ve managed to stake out a job where I can’t drive to work and wouldn’t want to if I could. Continue reading
As always, I’m more than willing to use the stupidity of others to generate entertainment for you all out there. That, and getting oddball spamments here at BrainRants is like being handed free material. Kind of like, I can take a day off from being creative and just punch that publish button. So on to the latest twisted Continue reading
This one is gonna be a strain on the brain, remembering all the way back there. Can you all come back after I’m fully into Alzheimer’s so I’m completely focused on that stuff? No? Damn you, AutoTopic, for luring me in and then junk-punching more kick-ass toys
On the surface this is an easy answer, because although initially it would be a close call between my love of good books and my love of good food, it occurrs to me that the Food Critic gig would necessarily involve travel to possibly exotic locations, like Kansas City (see note at bottom). As I understand it, a book critic gets books sent to him or her to read but they get no choice in the title. That for me tips the scale: Food Critic.
Now, followers of my rantings know I can’t just leave the answer right there and call it good. I have an opinion and everyone is entitled to it, right? Right – that’s what blogs are for. So allow me to expand my thoughts on the three categories in order of increasing awesomeness.
Film Critic: There is no way in hell I could, in good conscience, be a film critic because I generally have a fairly high threshold for being entertained by a movie. This means it takes a lot to impress me. Think Star Wars, The Matrix, The Godfather, and other good stuff. Once the studios started showing me crap based on comic books or shitty remakes that completely screw up the original movie due to some ‘artiste’ director’s tastes, I’m gonna start handing out razzies left and right. I’d come off looking like a cranky asshole… not that there’s anything wrong with that or that anyone would really notice.
Book Critic: This one has some potential. I love to read. I once told Di I could walk into a bookstore with $10,000 and leave with pocket change and a hand cart. This would definitely be awesome because this job would involve people sending me books for free – free! – to read and rate. The only thing I’d worry about would be if I had a long run of romance novels (which I suspect would make me want to claw my eyes out) or books by libtard politicians spouting their personal, corrupt agendas. Other than that risk, being paid to read free books that I get to keep and then have an opinion on them sounds almost ideal.
Food Critic: This is the winning category. I mentioned up front that not only do I get to eat free food and have opinions, but I suspect based on watching Food Network that they’d have to fly my ass to cool places to eat that free food. How awesome would that be? Unless I have to go to China and try deep fried goat balls with a side of grubs or similar on a regular basis, I’d be completely down for that action. The risk here (other than becoming more of a fatass than I am now) would be that I’d probably rate everything as “great,” and talk about it with my mouth full. Food-wise, I have a low threshold for being impressed. This is probably a function of eating too many shelf-stable rations in the field.
I guess until someone comes to me with a contract I’ll just keep rating stuff here on my blog. To be safe, I’ll cover all three categories as I see fit from time to time.
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Note: Oklahoma Joe’s BBQ, 49th & Mission in KC, MO. This Zagat’s-Rated establishment is – no shit – part of a BP gas station. If you want lunch, show up around 10AM because the line is that long. But it is sooo worth it. I ate so much there one time I could not walk correctly.
