Archive for phone

Lost Awesome

Posted in Awesome, History, Humor, Rant with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on June 10, 2013 by BrainRants

While I was culling the interwebs for something mildly amusing or interesting, I came across a few pieces that bemoaned things that our kids will never have to experience.  I found some of it entertaining because it took me back to a time when I had Continue reading


Posted in Humor, Rant with tags , , , on November 8, 2011 by BrainRants

I know this has happened to everyone out there. You know what I’m talking about. The irritating “miss” that happens when someone calls another person and for some reason no talking happens.

Normally when this happens, you’re doing something that prevents you – just barely – from answering the telephone. Maybe you’re mixing bread dough, or just came in the door …more phone shit…

Connected: Now In Reality Show Format

Posted in Army, Family, Humor, Rant with tags , , , , , , , on October 1, 2011 by BrainRants

One of the hidden joys of military deployment for us is the frustration of me not being home to help deal with whatever random issue crops up. After I posted earlier on idiots who are constantly connected, a random neuron triggered Continue reading


Posted in Humor, Rant with tags , , , , , , , , , , on September 29, 2011 by BrainRants

I did a blog entry in early August about my thoughts on cell phones (read it here). That was about how I thought of cell phones themselves, and now I think venting about the people who use and abuse them is in order. Since I travel a lot, I have ample opportunity to observe the human animal in its natural habitat. One behavior I can’t seem to come to grips with are people’s intense obsession with their cell phones. Why do people have this need to be connected? Some stuff about them just drives me batshit. Continue reading

Good News And Bad News

Posted in Army, Humor, Rant, Travel with tags , , , , , , , , , on September 22, 2011 by BrainRants

Doing official travel for the Army is really a mixed blessing, sort of like when people insist on relating stuff to you in the “good news or bad news” format. Here in my hotel in Maryland, it just doesn’t get truer than that, because it doesn’t matter how well a trip goes, there’s always something about it that is a colossal pain in the ass. Continue reading

Angry Rant: Store Clerks and Phones

Posted in Humor, Rant, Worst with tags , , , , on June 30, 2011 by BrainRants

Is it just me or is it a really stupid idea to answer a phone while you’re in the middle of doing a customer-service-related function?  Just to be really clear about this rant, I am NOT talking about Store People who will answer their personal cell phone in mid-conversation with me.  That is clearly F’d up and deserving of an entirely separate and particularly caustic rant.

No, what I’m talking about is the situation when you are shopping, looking, or wandering lost and confused in a store and need help.  Or clarification on a product.  Or some similar feedback requirement that will enable you to open your wallet and/or purse and fork over the green.  Perhaps you need to empty your dangerously overfilled bladder, and you cannot for the love of porcelain find the super-secret hidden wardrobe entry to Narnia where the pissoir is located.

The logical person will find an employee and ask the relevant question.  In this logical scenario, the helpful employee will answer.  Actions ensue, Nirvana is achieved.  I’d guess that nine times out of ten this is pretty much what happens.  Until you inevitably encounter the tenth time of ten…

Here’s the scenario: I’m in a store, looking at shit I might conceivably buy.  If you know me, you know I am not shopping in the ‘want’ mode.  I only trouble myself with shopping when I slip past ‘want’ and into ‘need.’  Anyway, I have the Candidate Posession in hand, but I always wonder about it.  Does it take batteries?  Is it resistant to urine?  Are there hidden features that require further purchases (like batteries) to ensure complete functionality?  You get the idea.

So with Candidate Posession in hand, I approach the clerk and post my question.  As the answer is issued, the inevitable occurs – the store’s phone rings.  Someone else in the need mode who is too damn lazy to get up and look at stuff.  The clerk answers and I hope to hear, “Thanks for calling, please hold,” and have the clerk re-engage me.  Instead, I get the dreaded Long Conversation.  One time it sounded like this:

“Hello, how many I help you?….yes, yes we do…  is that the one in Asia, or Africa?… no, we don’t normally ship to those places… uh huh, yes, I understand…  I’m sorry he’s in a foreign prison, but that country is under embargo…  yes…  blue…  forty-seven…  we’re open daily until eight PM…  234 Main Street…  yes, I can; do you have a pencil?…  ok, M… A… I… N…  hmm, I don’t know let me pop back to the storeroom and look, can you hold?”

I fail to get the guy’s attention as he turns, without so much as a word or even silent finger in the air to say, ‘sorry, one second,’ and walks off into the dark, creepy bowels of the store.  During this exchange three more customers have queued up.  We look at each other sympathetically as if to collectively say, ‘WTF? Really? For real?’ 

Again, then, I ask: is it just me, or is it stupid to put a live, cash-carrying customer effectively on hold in favor of a random caller who will more than likely assume you’re busy and call back if nobody answers?  Have we become so relentlessly conditioned to answer phones that we cannot resist the siren call of the long-distance yakkity gadget?  I don’t know about you but I find it insulting.

The end to this scenario of course depends on the relative urgency with which I need the Candidate Posession, or how much trouble it was to locate the store to begin with, or my general Fun Meter reading at that moment in time.  My favorite response is to put the ex-Candidate Possession on the counter to make the jackwagon re-shelve it, and just Walk. My. Ass. Out.

Remember When

Posted in Awesome, Best, Humor with tags , , , on June 11, 2011 by BrainRants

For some reason, a conversation I had with a Soldier in Korea just popped into my head for no reason.  This actually happens a lot – some poor, forgotten neuron trying to get my undivided attention.  Anyway, the significance of this conversation comes down to me mentioning President Reagan (The Great One) and the Soldier then asking me, “President who?”  After manually closing my mouth, I then determined he was all of 19 years old, younger than my daughter.  I had likely spent more cumulative time sitting on a toilet during my life than he had spent in the Army.

These realizations always surprise me for some reason.  I guess it’s kind of like when I was a kid, and when aunts and uncles would visit they’d exclaim loudly how tall I’d gotten, when from my point of view, not a lot had changed and I was mainly of the opinion things could probably go a bit faster.  So sometimes I reflect on stuff that my kids won’t ever have to do, or from another point of view, stuff they’ll never get to enjoy…

* Having to actually leave your house to see a movie. For some reason, movies were better then.  Maybe because Hollywood had actual creative people writing original scripts as opposed to just ripping off comic books one after the other.

* Shopping, for that matter, required your physical presence at the vendor’s location.  This isn’t dead yet, luckily.  I like that I can pick from the bin of tomatoes to get the ones I am willing to eat.  Though I loathe shopping for clothing, I will admit that when I’m forced to, trying stuff on is a good thing.

* Having to stand in one particular spot in the house to use the phone.  Wasn’t it awesome when Dad finally bought the fifteen-foot curly cord so you could be in the kitchen while on the phone?  Sadly, I think, there also was a time that if you couldn’t come to the phone, then nobody could get ahold of you.

* Recording music was a pain in the ass.  You had to use static or heavy equipment, and then pray the DJ didn’t start babbling over the target song’s lead-in or end notes.  Mix tapes were work!  Tape players that could sense the dead spot between songs were The Bomb.

* Vinyl records.  Care and feeding required, and no matter how religiously you cared for them, they eventually sounded staticky and fuzzy.  CD’s were a definite improvement.  Now, with the right player, I can carry around ALL of my music.

* Writing something for a school project and either using White Out or ripping the page out and starting over from the top of the page.  Do they even sell White Out anymore?  I know typewriters are mainly not available anymore.  I really can’t complain about this development at all.

* Having the massive selection of about fifteen channels to choose from.  Even better, some of us as kids were the remote control.

* Missing a program.  Used to be that if you missed the broadcast of your favorite TV show, well, you were definitely shit out of luck.  Maybe you could watch the listings during rerun season and catch it, but probably not.  Ironically, the older I get the fewer shows there are that I give a damn about seeing.  I also recall thinking about how massively cool it would be to fast forward through commercials.  Guess what?  Win!!

* Writing to someone required paper, a pen or pencil, an envelope, and a stamp.  And thought.  And basic English skills.  Who knew we would be able to do it instantaneously but there is a new language involved in it? LOL wut r u doing? WTF.

I do really hope that some stuff doesn’t go away.  I don’t think I’ll ever abandon real, bound books.  I can’t say the new electronic formats are bad, particularly because at my rate of book accumulation, I project that someday I will have to buy a house just for them.  What’s astounding to me is thinking about all the amazing stuff my Dad watched happen over his lifetime, and then consider that I’m only halfway (?) through mine now.  People still occasionally rode horses when he was a kid, and right after we’d moved to California, I remember him waking me up one night to watch Apollo 17 land on the moon.  I read somewhere that there’s more computational power in my BlackBerry now than rode in the Command Module of those spacecraft.

If this strikes a chord with you as you read it, add a comment because I know I’ve overlooked probably a lot of stuff.