An entire fucking year ago I shat a post about the joys of living in Virginia. Another blogger asked about the state slogan, ‘Virginia is for lovers.’ I say: bullfuckingshit. Lovers might be here, but they’re obviously Continue reading
Archive for driving
How To Drive Like A Virginian
Posted in Humor, Rant with tags ass, assholes, beer, douchebag, driving, humor, random, rant, traffic, Virginia on August 11, 2016 by BrainRantsDriving, Kabul-Style
Posted in Afghanistan, Army, Awesome, Humor, Random with tags Afghanistan, blog, driving, humor, random, SUV, terrorist on June 13, 2012 by BrainRantsIn under one month, I’ve managed to accomplish something pretty cool. It took some time, and took a little guts, too. However, I managed to finally get my Continue reading
Rant: Stupid Drivers
Posted in Humor, Rant, Travel with tags asshole, car, cruise control, driving, humor, life on October 31, 2011 by BrainRantsWith the road trip I described recently, I had the thrill of experiencing the worst instances of driving this country has to offer. Most of this rant will focus on highway driving because of this. Believe it or not, I tend to …more road rants…
Hitting The Road
Posted in Family, Fred, Humor, Travel with tags blog, driving, Fred, humor, Las Vegas, life, rant, road trip, travel, unicorn on October 22, 2011 by BrainRantsSo what does the Rants Army need to know today? I have no idea, but today’s post will be more of a PSA to you all than an actual post, so excuse the rambling nature of this. I figured I’d warn you all that there may be intermittent …more road rants…
My Wife’s Feisty Day
Posted in Awesome, Family, Humor, Random with tags driving, feisty, Hoda and Kathie Lee, lobster, vodka on August 26, 2011 by BrainRantsWell, my wife is apparently on the mend quite well since she’s regaining her feistiness. I had to share the love from today, which has been almost non-stop:
Walking into the room while she was watching Hoda and Kathie Lee ooh and aah over some fattening hot mess that included lobster…
- DI: “Oh, lobster is my absolute favorite. But its expensive.”
- ME: “I thought I was your favorite.”
- DI: “You’re my favorite, babe.”
- ME: “But I’m cheaper than lobster…”
Driving around town to get more shit-sand for our two hairy shit factories (cats)…
- DI: “Watch it. This is a 30 zone. You’re going 31.”
- ———– driving…
- DI: “Bump! Watch it! Jesus!”
- ———– more driving…
- DI: “LOOK OUT HE’S TURNING!”
- ME: “Sweetness, please don’t think for a second that your current handicapped condition won’t stop me from slapping you up.”
- DI: [calmly] “F you.”
- ME: “Right.”
Coming in the front gate to our installation, on the way home with a stop at the Class Six (English: convenience store with liquor and smokes)…
- ME: “Okay, babe, so smokes and beer… anything else? What do you need?”
- DI: “Oh f-it. I didn’t shit myself silly or anything this morning, so get me a tiny vodka.”
- ME: [almost wrecks car into armed guard while laughing]
You can’t make this shit up, and we probably ought to sell tickets for it.