Archive for driving

How To Drive Like A Virginian

Posted in Humor, Rant with tags , , , , , , , , , on August 11, 2016 by BrainRants

An entire fucking year ago I shat a post about the joys of living in Virginia.  Another blogger asked about the state slogan, ‘Virginia is for lovers.’  I say: bullfuckingshit.  Lovers might be here, but they’re obviously Continue reading

Getting From A To B

Posted in Home, Humor, Random, Rant, Travel, Worst with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 30, 2013 by BrainRants

I am guessing that most of us, when we were small humans, heard one or both of our parents tell us this: “Be careful what you wish for.”  In truth, I did hear “Hold out your hands, wish into one, shit in the other, and tell me which fills up first,” far more often, but I was cautioned to beware my Continue reading

Driving, Kabul-Style

Posted in Afghanistan, Army, Awesome, Humor, Random with tags , , , , , , on June 13, 2012 by BrainRants

In under one month, I’ve managed to accomplish something pretty cool. It took some time, and took a little guts, too. However, I managed to finally get my Continue reading

Rant: Stupid Drivers

Posted in Humor, Rant, Travel with tags , , , , , on October 31, 2011 by BrainRants

With the road trip I described recently, I had the thrill of experiencing the worst instances of driving this country has to offer. Most of this rant will focus on highway driving because of this. Believe it or not, I tend to …more road rants…

Hitting The Road

Posted in Family, Fred, Humor, Travel with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 22, 2011 by BrainRants

So what does the Rants Army need to know today? I have no idea, but today’s post will be more of a PSA to you all than an actual post, so excuse the rambling nature of this. I figured I’d warn you all that there may be intermittent …more road rants…

My Wife’s Feisty Day

Posted in Awesome, Family, Humor, Random with tags , , , , on August 26, 2011 by BrainRants

Well, my wife is apparently on the mend quite well since she’s regaining her feistiness.  I had to share the love from today, which has been almost non-stop:

Walking into the room while she was watching Hoda and Kathie Lee ooh and aah over some fattening hot mess that included lobster…

  • DI: “Oh, lobster is my absolute favorite.  But its expensive.”
  • ME: “I thought I was your favorite.”
  • DI: “You’re my favorite, babe.”
  • ME: “But I’m cheaper than lobster…”

Driving around town to get more shit-sand for our two hairy shit factories (cats)…

  • DI: “Watch it.  This is a 30 zone.  You’re going 31.”
  • ———– driving…
  • DI: “Bump! Watch it! Jesus!”
  • ———– more driving…
  • DI: “LOOK OUT HE’S TURNING!”
  • ME: “Sweetness, please don’t think for a second that your current handicapped condition won’t stop me from slapping you up.”
  • DI: [calmly] “F you.”
  • ME: “Right.”

Coming in the front gate to our installation, on the way home with a stop at the Class Six (English: convenience store with liquor and smokes)…

  • ME: “Okay, babe, so smokes and beer… anything else?  What do you need?”
  • DI: “Oh f-it.  I didn’t shit myself silly or anything this morning, so get me a tiny vodka.”
  • ME: [almost wrecks car into armed guard while laughing]

You can’t make this shit up, and we probably ought to sell tickets for it.