Rants Makes Up Feels

Every now and then I come across something that’s so absolutely inspirational that I am compelled to act. Today, my good friend and future overly-polite (he’s Canadian) houseguest, Archon, posted a blog of unique words that defy clear definition. Before you go on, you’ll want to check the post so you understand what the fuck I’m talking about.

As you may know, or not, I love creating words. Not particularly useful words, mind you, but generally ones that occupy the realm of snark, foul language, derision, and application to those fuckbuckets in our lives that serve as strident warnings to humanity.

Inspired by the referenced blog post, here’s what fell out of my head:

Foolia – the feeling of stupidity you get when you realize, hours or days after the fact, that something you said was completely wrong, stupid and pointless.

Decrecoolement – the feeling after publicly wrecking yourself (i.e., tripping over a leaf, walking into a store display) and believing you were unseen, but then realize many people observed you instead, and are amused.

Gastroopsism – the embarrassment of a belch erupting unannounced from your stupid suck while in a public venue.

Raingst – the frustration of yet another consecutive weekend of yardwork ruined by weather.

Baconomatapaea – the sense that the shitty food you’re eating could possibly be improved by the mere introduction of bacon to it.

Bobenduckenherz – the dismay of bending to pick something up off the floor, missing five times in a row, and realizing that this is so because you are old and now your back is locking up.

Neintruztenschitz – the deep distress after trusting that alleged fart, only to discover it wasn’t, in public.

Fuckitahlia – the burning anger of having life piss on your head, after your best efforts, yet again, which prompts you to consider just giving up.

Trumporangia – the realization  .43 seconds after speaking that your last words will make you sound like a bigot, idiot, misogynist, infantile, racist, amateurist twatwaffle liar in spite of whatever it was you really meant.

Testitressment – the dilemma felt by men when they accidentally sit on their own balls in public, and cannot make the required adjustments without being disgustingly obvious, and then stoically dealing with it.

Snoggle – the joy of making one small cough, only to observe a glob of nasal fluid fly from your nostril and land on someone near you without their realization, and trying not to laugh out loud about it.

Poueme – the mix of joy, pride and embarrassment felt when you sneak out a fart you believed would be undetectable but then realize will likely clear the room, start a fight, and cause infants to cry as nearby paint peels from the wall, while observed through your own watering eyes, undetected and blameless.

While typing this stuff up, I literally (like, not for pretend) had to stop myself. Enjoy.