Rantswers® 10.1

I feel like tepid shit, sitting here at my desk peering through a fog of exhaustion and muscular soreness from overwork on yesterday.  Yeah, the shit I put myself through.  However, the yard won’t take care of itself.  At least not yet.

Without further ado, and so I can go lay down and maybe sneak in a nap, here are the Rantswers®:

Here’s your spew

Christopher De Voss: What was the last movie in the theater… mind you…that you really enjoyed….

That’s a good question, and harder to answer or Rantswer® than you might imagine because I cannot fathom the absolute lack of creativity and pandering that spews out of Hollywood.  Also, the rest of the theater audience tends not to appreciate my top-volume, “fuck”-laced invective as I hurl my overpriced popcorn at the screen.  This typically happens when some liberal ‘actor’ who’s politically opinionated comes on the screen.  Fucktard, stick to acting.  Just ’cause you pretend to be other people doesn’t mean you can successfully pretend to be wise.  That said, the last movie I saw in-theater was “Last Flag Flying.”  Great fucking flick.

H.E. ELLIS: When conjoined twins fight, do he/she/they fight his/her/themselves, or each other?

Technically, they’re having a fight with themselves, much like when I/we argue with the voices in my head.  At least that’s what I/we think, sometimes.  Of course, the question is whose pain is felt by who/whom?  Does it depend on the amount of body he/she/they share?  I’d/we’d pay money to see a two-headed conjoined twin/pair/person deliver punches to their/its face.  Much more entertaining than some retreaded superhero or comic book based movie, if you ask me/us.

Polysyllabic Profundities: If a Canadian falls in the forest and nobody can hear them, do they still apologize?

Of course they do, and not only do they apologize in general, but they apologize to the forest floor, the grass and plants, and the trees around them.  Then they apologize for apologizing.  All that said, this is a rarer thing than you might imagine because even fucked up on Moosehead, your average Canadian will have a hockey stick handy to help navigate the four feet of snow in the forest, so they can use that as a crutch, cane or general helping object.  Once they reach the clearing, they use it to level a spot to lay out for a suntan.

Stay tuned.  There’s more asshattery and fuckery just around the bend.

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12 Responses to “Rantswers® 10.1”

  1. Does anyone need to see Donal Logue naked? Asking for a friend.

  2. Before I got old and weak and lazy, I threatened to pave over the lawn and paint green. You’re paving yours over to look like a giant beer-can that could be seen from space….if you didn’t live in the Black Forest. 😉
    For Polysyllabic Profundities;
    Most of us do. Others, more exposed to the American style of negotiating, yell‘Covfefe’ when it happens, claim that the slip and fall were fake news, rip down the offending tree and print Macleans magazines with it. 🙄

  3. …nice graphics….

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