Shit I’ve Said Out Loud #11

I went and searched for the last edition of Shit I’ve Said Out Loud (which would be Number 10) and discovered that I posted that turd in 2015.  Wow.  I noticed that I’m accumulating awesome out-loud sayings at a much reduced rate.  I think this is due to my recent preoccupations with things like retiring, finding a job, and then having to curb my technicolor vocabulary at work.  People in the Tie and Pinchy Shoe world don’t cotton to “twatwaffle” and “you need to defuckulate yourself.”  Sigh.

“That tastes so good, I want to rub it on my nipples.”

“I’m a lieutenant colonel who’s being put out of the Army… I’m the perfect crash test dummy.”

“Capturing my thoughts is like scooping up a big jug of interstellar space.”

“FUBAR Uber Alles!”

“The death shroud of your dignity is made of polyester.”

“You little fucker… you’re going to die.”

“Because I can’t listen to you and see at the same time.”

“You can’t spell ‘analysis’ without ‘anal.'”

“I see where you’re headed with that, and I’m not going to join you.”

“This has devolved into an incestuous goat-fuck.”

My solemn goal is to scrape up more of these before this time next year, because one of the above is now dated.  Hmm.

 

Advertisements

20 Responses to “Shit I’ve Said Out Loud #11”

  1. Goat fuck is a compliment in some cultures

  2. You need to make a bunch of tee shirts.

  3. I must share the ones that have, as of this moment, become my favorite sayings. Ever …

  4. I’m morbidly curious as to what it is you want to rub on your nipples.

  5. I may sound ignorant, but for future reference, how do I actually ‘defuckulate’ myself? Just in case that situation arises.

  6. Megan Stephenson Says:

    You should make a ‘shit I’ve said in my head’ post. Because that would be entertaining.

    I also already have a BrainRants t-shirt so I qualify as the best person here right?

  7. FUBAR Uber Alles, sounds like the place where I work. Our crack waitenance staff uses only the cheapest chewing gum, rags, cable ties, and packing tape to temporarily mask a problem until the machines break down entirely. Our theme song at work is this, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyDoBx2G4pw

Join the Ranting!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: