Retardidment: Time Off And Shit


I’ve regaled you with stories – to the tune of four up to this point (sorry) – about my process of retirement.  It’s been shitty, frustrating, and mainly a waste of time, given how much of this I have to go and do on my own, and on my own time no less.  I’m tired of linking more than three times to previous posts, so I made a whole new RantsPage® to collect this assemblage of awesomehood.  Go. Read.  I’ll wait.  Anyway, I’ve been fucking busy…

I've been VERY busy, like this little dude

I’ve been VERY busy, like this little dude

One bright spot is the enormous chunk of time off I’ve enjoyed.  To summarize, the Army gives you 2.5 days of paid leave each month, for a total of 30 days each year.  You have to use them or lose them, with some minor modifications for the War on Terror.  I like to call it the War on Asshole Islamic Extremists because our politicians won’t, but I’m fucking digressing yet again.

To the point, I racked up 75 days of time off, fully paid.  Two and one-half months.  I had no idea what I’d do in that time besides look for a fucking job to pay the rent and have water, but I knew I’d come up with some sort of bullshit to A) do something useful, and B) stay out of my tiny wife’s hair and not be irritating.  I can be an irritant, trust me.

As expected, I did just that.  Here’s the very short list of things I’ve accomplished in my 75 days of fuckery:

Car: I vowed to at least clean the windows so that I can drive safely in the morning and evening sunrise and sunset.  Pending – just have not got around to that silly Windex shit.  I hate doing this chore.

Desk Organization: Accomplished.  Not once, but three times over.  I’ve got a healthy bag of random shit I have to burn.  Again.  Yay!  Fire!

Job Hunt: Yeah, that.  Took waaaay more time than I wanted it to.  More on that later, once I have an actual job.

Leaf Management: After talking to four of my neighbors, I have managed to grind up 1175 dry gallons of leaves with my lawnmower.  This turns into soil over the winter freeze (if it ever fucking comes), and will coat my backyard in a thin layer of quasi-soil.  When I moved in, it had no soil, just clay that kept sliding downhill to the neighbors.  As-of right now, nothing slides.  Fuckers.

I've turned this...

I’ve turned this…

... into this. Fuck yeah! Soil!

… into this. Fuck yeah! Soil!

Series Binge-Watching:  Check, and Check.  Finished re-watching Game of Thrones, then transitioned to The Sopranos… now tackling the series, “Big Bang Theory.”  I think someone might have followed me around…

Closet Management:  Yeah, right… fuck you…  I have the attention span of a gnat’s dick, and my object-permanence rating is negative.  After I wake up and go downstairs, where the lawnmower and beer is, the second story and master suite doesn’t fucking exist.  At least until I go to bed.  Then, I see what I forgot and yell, “Fuck me in the ass.”  Because life loves me.

Writing:  By now you should know I’m plotting to become the next Stephen King, or at least have someone buy me coffee for some shit I wrote.  I have written two major things in my time off – Jack, and Shit.  Yeah.  We’re screaming forward toward success here, people.

So this is where I’m at.  Mainly.  Some updates have come in since, but for blogworld, I’m in a holding pattern for now, because details are bullshit and mean nothing.  More to follow…  if I can afford the electricity without a job.


18 Responses to “Retardidment: Time Off And Shit”

  1. Best of luck, brother; Uncle Sugar doesn’t have a very good track record of taking care of ex-employees…..

    Don’t know if you read sci-fi, but, the Grand Master of same, Robert Heinlein, listed ‘four rules to be a successful writer’… Google that phrase, and his name, & you’ll find them. He was a West Pointer, injured before retiring, and supported himself very well after he retired from the Army for about 55 years…. I don’t have the rules handy, but, they are quite simple to follow…. the first one just says, “Write.”…. You do that now, so, you’re well on your way….

    Hope your holiday season is a joyous one….

    gigoid, the dubious

    • Gigoid, roger. You just met the other biggest Heinlein fan ever. Unfortunately, he attended the Naval Academy, but as an actual West Pointer myself, I’ll forgive only him for that sin. He redeemed himself after that (and WWII). I’ve seen your reference, and I follow his guidance as best I can. I have to generate something I can put before a publisher first… hence my frustration.

      • 10-4.. my bad; getting old. He and L.Ron Hubbard were at the Academy together… I’ll have to go read his biography again, refresh the now-very-grey cells….

        I’ve read ALL his novels & short stories, and, his famous quote on ‘Duty’ formed a large part of my own philosophy, Peruaosophy, which I first penned in my late twenties… That quote, on duty, was the perfect summarization of my father’s whole persona; he was a Master Sergeant when I was born, having joined up in ’41 after Pearl Harbor, & gave the Army 20 years…… He personified, for me that old saying, “He didn’t talk much; he lived, and let us watch.”….

        I get the frustration you feel; I felt it for a time myself, until I gave up writing for money (trying); I now just write to stay relatively sane in a world gone mad….

        Take care, brother, & thanks for your service…. Not only your famuly, but, even the Dalai Lama would be proud of you, for sincerely fulfilling your duty…. My dad would also call you brother, I think….


        • Not sure Hubbard is a USNA guy, but if he is, it would just figure.

          Your father and mine sound similar. He enlisted in ’42. He’s been more places than me. Or, ‘did go to,’ to make the tense correct. I miss him.

          • Know what you mean; me, too.. But, he’s still back there, just behind my right shoulder, where I imagine him, watching what I do… it helps me make the right decision, a lot. I can’t seem to make the wrong one if I remember he’s there….

            He died in ’85, & I miss him every day…

            But, growing up in constant expectation of moving on short notice gave me a love for travel I’m still trying to fulfill… Lotta places yet to see on this planet….

            Take care, & be well…


          • Oh, yeah, forgot to add… I heard/read somewhere that Heinlein and Hubbard once made a bet… Hubbard bet he could make a fortune, writing a book with no science in it at all, not even simple math… which is what prompted the book, Scientology…. If true, it is one of the best jokes on humanity ever conceived… There are literally MILLIONS of people who believe it like it’s a Bible, and base their entire lives on what was, essentially, a hoax… He named it Scientology, and there isn’t a single scientific word or figure to be found anywhere in there….

            Great joke, if true….


          • PS: They made the bet at a time when Hubbard had written a lot more books than Heinlein, but, his stories just didn’t sell as well… So, Bob took the bet… and the joke is on everyone else who bought into that nonsense….


          • You need to read the two-book biography of Heinlein by Patterson. Hubbard did in fact start Scientology as a joke. Heinlein, I believe, provided the inspiration in “Stranger in a Strange Land.”

  2. I’m just glad you remembered your blog. 😛

  3. There is always Walmart greeter. On a much more helpful note, have you tried Glassdoor?

  4. Best of the season to you and tiny wife – and not so tiny younglings. 😀

  5. Look on the brightside: El Nino has ensured that you don’t have to string Christmas lights in the cold.

  6. Dude, you got me rolling on the floor laughing. In your place, I think my list would be progressing at about the same pace. Still gotta clean the car windows too. I think AIE is a more apropos term for ISIS. At least it describes them accurately. You mind if I use it?

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