Retardidment: Time Off And Shit
I’ve regaled you with stories – to the tune of four up to this point (sorry) – about my process of retirement. It’s been shitty, frustrating, and mainly a waste of time, given how much of this I have to go and do on my own, and on my own time no less. I’m tired of linking more than three times to previous posts, so I made a whole new RantsPage® to collect this assemblage of awesomehood. Go. Read. I’ll wait. Anyway, I’ve been fucking busy…
One bright spot is the enormous chunk of time off I’ve enjoyed. To summarize, the Army gives you 2.5 days of paid leave each month, for a total of 30 days each year. You have to use them or lose them, with some minor modifications for the War on Terror. I like to call it the War on Asshole Islamic Extremists because our politicians won’t, but I’m fucking digressing yet again.
To the point, I racked up 75 days of time off, fully paid. Two and one-half months. I had no idea what I’d do in that time besides look for a fucking job to pay the rent and have water, but I knew I’d come up with some sort of bullshit to A) do something useful, and B) stay out of my tiny wife’s hair and not be irritating. I can be an irritant, trust me.
As expected, I did just that. Here’s the very short list of things I’ve accomplished in my 75 days of fuckery:
Car: I vowed to at least clean the windows so that I can drive safely in the morning and evening sunrise and sunset. Pending – just have not got around to that silly Windex shit. I hate doing this chore.
Desk Organization: Accomplished. Not once, but three times over. I’ve got a healthy bag of random shit I have to burn. Again. Yay! Fire!
Job Hunt: Yeah, that. Took waaaay more time than I wanted it to. More on that later, once I have an actual job.
Leaf Management: After talking to four of my neighbors, I have managed to grind up 1175 dry gallons of leaves with my lawnmower. This turns into soil over the winter freeze (if it ever fucking comes), and will coat my backyard in a thin layer of quasi-soil. When I moved in, it had no soil, just clay that kept sliding downhill to the neighbors. As-of right now, nothing slides. Fuckers.
Series Binge-Watching: Check, and Check. Finished re-watching Game of Thrones, then transitioned to The Sopranos… now tackling the series, “Big Bang Theory.” I think someone might have followed me around…
Closet Management: Yeah, right… fuck you… I have the attention span of a gnat’s dick, and my object-permanence rating is negative. After I wake up and go downstairs, where the lawnmower and beer is, the second story and master suite doesn’t fucking exist. At least until I go to bed. Then, I see what I forgot and yell, “Fuck me in the ass.” Because life loves me.
Writing: By now you should know I’m plotting to become the next Stephen King, or at least have someone buy me coffee for some shit I wrote. I have written two major things in my time off – Jack, and Shit. Yeah. We’re screaming forward toward success here, people.
So this is where I’m at. Mainly. Some updates have come in since, but for blogworld, I’m in a holding pattern for now, because details are bullshit and mean nothing. More to follow… if I can afford the electricity without a job.