March Madness

 

Have you ever had one of those days where you are busy doing stuff and then look up and realize the day is over and you pretty much missed it?  This is how my entire month of March has been.  If you think this post talks about basketball, I’m sorry.  I’m not a hoops fan really because for all my height, I suck at the game.

So in truth the madness involves the craziness of my life.  I looked up today and realized that 25 days of 31 had blown right the fuck by me and I hadn’t posted once.  Thus far, here are some highlights:

A book written – I came up with a kickass book idea back around Christmas right after the aftermath of NaNoWriMo.  I’ll warn you that once you start writing, you have to keep doing it, sort of like crack or booze.  Anyway, I got a great idea and cobbled up an outline.  I started the novel on the 18th of January and finished it on the 5th of March, 77-thousand words later… more or less.  More to follow on that, but it’s sitting and being forgotten so I can edit it.

A book read – I decided to give in and read A Game of Thrones.  If you like the series, read the books.  There are five, and they’re nice and lengthy.  One down, four to go.

A flood of ideas – noted above, I have to have a constant writing project now.  That said, after my whirlwind idea and book, I was again left floating and without an idea to write about.  Then in a weekend I got three ideas.  Two were for aborted stories from a while back – complete re-do’s, but better.  The third is a new one.

Pentagon freaky shit – there’s a guy who works in the Building with me that I’ve named “Buttrider.”  I dubbed him thusly because he has this tendency to go up or down stairs immediately behind you.  This creeps me straight the fuck out and puts me in a Stabby McStabbin mood.  Of course, this over-comfortable tool works in an office near mine.

Literal Pentagon shit – I have determined that the men’s latrine closest to me is the busiest of all 248 shitters in this daycare center.  Four pissers and five stalls, and there is hardly ever an open slot.  I wonder what people eat in my little corner of paradise.  I also wonder how much, and sometimes I have to speculate about the amounts of soluble fiber some of these butt trumpets swallow.  There has to be an upper, healthy limit.

The Following – I noted one day during casual perusal that my blog followership had topped 10,000.  I suspect most of those are bots and autozombie sites, but hey – a number is a number, and 10k is worthy of beer.  For the five of you actual humans out there, thanks for your continued readerhood.

To email, or not – I cancelled an email account that I’d had for well over fourteen years.  Like all long-term emails, it had accumulated tons of spam targets.  You know the kind of things that want you to buy inverted widget pullers for only $29.99.  At the bottom, there’s an ‘unsubscribe’ button that never works.  So I shut down the account.  I didn’t even tell my family, so my uncle who can’t tell ‘reply’ from ‘reply all’ has one less reader of his incessant screeds about the Administration.

Paperwork – I’m up to my nipples (about 5’3″ off the floor) in paperwork, but more on that interesting development later.  Needless to say, that shit never ends.

Death and Taxes – I’m still trying to defuckulate my tax situation.  This intractable issue has been ongoing since February.  I want my return now, thank you.  I need it to fill up my IRA for the year…

A series of series – A certain small light of my world has tuned me in to Dexter, House of Cards, Silicon Valley, and a host of other awesomeness.  I officially love Netflix.  That is all.

Mud – warm weather has melted the snow here and I’m ankle-deep in my backyard.  I’m entertaining fantasies of luxurious, shade-tolerant grass and… a shrubbery.

That’s about it.  The rest of the month has been filled primarily with sleeping, eating and pooping, rank ordered by time spent at each activity.  I know some of you need to know this.  Rant on.

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32 Responses to “March Madness”

  1. I made the mistake of sharing with my husband your phrase “backing out a grumper” and now every time he feels it necessary to tell me he’s going to shit he uses that. *sigh*

  2. I used to work in a skyscraper in Chicago and the bathrooms were woefully unequipped. And im one of those guys that needs a little solace when I burn a mule. So i found a safe haven next to the boardroom. Its meant for guests, but was never locked. It was like Shangri-La. Next job i had to cast a ballot with the unwashed masses. Thank Jah i work from home now.

  3. Adding “defuckulate” to my vocabulary, thank you.

  4. Sounds like writing has got you in it’s sights (which is is great. And it helps distract from lots of annoying stuff…like creepy office guy.)
    Series on line – now that’s worth shouting about – episodes on your time schedule. So you’re reading the whole series of Game of Thrones? When do you have time? Give up sleep?
    Mud is good time to plant…wait, you guys are still having winter…odd how it’s frozen the DC area so much this year…or is it?
    Congrats on the “Followings”!

  5. I’m pretty sure there are more than 5 humans following you. In fact, some of those humans have probably turned into zombies, scratching at their screens as to how to eat your brain.

  6. minionpoet Says:

    You need to watch the game of thrones show. And if you’re into science fiction then the 100. I’m going to Write an article just so I can use the word defuckulate in it. 😀

  7. Buttrider! I feel your pain, invading personal space even on stairs is un…called…for!

    Fun fact: In Japan it is basically almost a law that you have to stand with at least one step in between you and the person in front of you on escalators.

  8. Randstein Says:

    I wonder who the other four are? I must say my vocabulary training dropped off remarkably with your absence. Glad to see you back. I think two Fiber One bars in the morning will help irradicate buttriders. Keeps the office cruisers at bay too.

  9. Your nipples are taller than me? Is EVERYTHING taller than I am?!?

  10. Melanie Says:

    So you’re watching Dexter…have you read Dexter? There’s seven books so far, and the books and the series are different (the kids, his sister, the department, etc all play different roles in each). The series deviates about 3/4 of the way through book 1, and when you get to book 2, it’ll make sense why. They’re not as hefty as the GoT books, so if you want long and convoluted, Dexter isn’t for you. But if you want fuck-your-mind, how does someone imagine this shit without ever having been a) a cop or b) a killer, then Dexter is for you.

    • Good suggestion. The screenwriting in the series got a bit too… contrived…?… around season 4. I might dig into those next. I have 4 more GoT books to digest. Possibly 5 if G.R.R.M. finishes his last one.

      • Melanie Says:

        There is a bit of ridiculousness in the Dexter series, but Jeff Lindsey does rein it back in quicker than SHO did. Rita’s kids are more interesting in the books, and so is Dexter’s relationship with Debra. That’s all I’ll say, lest I say too much. Happy reading!

  11. Have you noticed the common denominator in the unavailability of facilities whenever you hit the head at the pentagon? It’s you! You are one of those taking up room!

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