Awesome Texts That I Got – 1.0
Hi there. Wut r u doing? LOL. No, the rest of this will not go on in some inane parody of our lovely, emerging youth who text one another constantly in a language I cannot understand. This series aims to capture some of the more epic text messages I’ve received. The list has been building for a while. All names, phone numbers and major carriers’ identities have been removed to prevent anyone from suing my sorry ass. My responses are included. Enjoy.
Irrelevant Elvis cares not for your tidings.
— Behold the field in which I grow my fucks, and thou shalt see that it is barren, and without fucks.
If you opened up a restaurant, what would you name it?
— Eat Me
Please bring a bucket or big bowl when you come to bed.
— Someone’s gettin’ lucky! I hope…
I like chestnuts.
— I like specialty hardware.
— FUCK YEAH!! BACON TOO!!
— I’ll see your cheese grater and raise you a microplane.
When a set of conjoined twins fight, do they fight themselves or each other?
— Yes and no.
I wonder what Freud would say about my love of squid and octopi.
— He’d say you’re one of those Japanese addicted to tentacle porn… what are you doing right now?
I want to add a wood-burning oven to our kitchen. Just saying.
— For burning witches, right? I’m down.
If we ever take a plane ride longer than two hours, it will need to be at night and I will need to be sedated.
— Make sure they have me stowed in the cargo hold first, please.
Hope you enjoyed this walk on the bizarre side. I’ll keep collecting them.
This entry was posted on February 27, 2015 at 06:30 and is filed under Awesome Texts, Humor, Random with tags bacon, California, Elvis, humor, Mexican cartel, Neil DeGrasse Tyson, random, sex, text message, WTF. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.