Brain Lint

Everybody knows that irritating effect described well as an ‘earworm,’ where a song gets stuck in your head.  Never had that happen?  Try this… sorry, had to make my point.  The great thing about earworms is, if you can pass it like a cold or flu, it leaves you.  So thanks.

One thing you cannot pass on is what I call Brain Lint.  Like the elusive, gray wads in the corners of your hardwood-floored rooms, Brain Lint vanishes when you try to look at it hard, only to reappear over and over again.  Finally, it winds up in your ice cream as you sit down to watch Dexter, or some other kickass Netfucks marathon.

I think it goes without saying that I have more than my fair share of Brain Lint.  In fact, my guess is that without my overabundance of Lint, I’d likely be someone important, rich or both.  Like the Supreme Galactic Commander.  I try not to focus on the negative though.  By now you’re dying to know what sort of Brain Lint is floating around my head.  Here’s a sample of the gray wads in my gray lump:

Is it just me or do people really believe Tom Brady?  If they do, why?  More to the point, who else in the NFL is doing this?  Bet they’re sitting there thinking, “Whoa.  That coulda been us, bro.”  No idea who ‘bro’ is, but clearly none of these people are bright enough to live inside their own heads.  Might be why pro football sucks ass so bad.  I bet Roger Goodell has thoughts, and they’re along the lines of, “Hee hee… I farted.”  I hope the Seahawks win again because fuck yeah, left coast!

What the fuck is up with Bronies?  More to the point, who was that guy in line ahead of me in the Pentagon Dunkin’ Donuts wearing the Brony neck fob holder?  Is that making a bold statement, an Air Force employee, or one of those clueless dudes who got one for Christmas from his 5-year-old daughter and can’t imagine hurting her feelings?  Either way, wow.

What the fuck do the people here in the Pentagon fucking eat?  I should record the sound of the latrine I use, because nobody’s gonna believe the acoustic assault I endure every time I have to go back out a grumper.  These people either need to cut back on the sriracha or include more fiber in their diet.  Seriously, if you’re praying to either make the burn stop or to have God help you push that rock of ages out, you need intervention.

I love it when it hails and rains and makes shitty weather, and I’m just standing there watching it, as opposed to being in it.  Why did I think that shit was cool to be out in when I was younger?  Why?

Michael Moore needs to shut his fat fuckwhistle mouth by filling it with Seth Rogen’s cock.  I need to see American Sniper, because it can’t be that bad, or that political.  Why do famous, non-politician people feel the need to be political?  Or is Moore just trying to pump life into his career?  Maybe, if you have no idea what a sniper does or has to learn, then shut the fuck up, you clueless douche canoe.  Funny that nobody nitpicked Fury, because apparently Brangelina is/are off limits… but they’re douchebag liberals too, so they’re cool to Moore.  Unlike Clint Eastwood, of course.  Smells like a lot of jealousy to me.  Eastwood has more acting and directing talent in his underwear skidmarks than Michael Moore could generate if he lived to be immortal.

Yeah, so that’s what’s floating around in Rants’ head.  Shit like this just bothers me sometimes and sticks.  I can’t do anything about it except drink beer.

32 Responses to “Brain Lint”

  1. Sweet mother of gawd, I damn near choked on my pretzels while reading the line about backing out a grumper. That right there is classic literature, I don’t care what anyone says.

  2. And beer is best…really. New research shows it;s better for brain than whines.
    Classic Brain Rants.
    Let all hail break loose.

  3. Too much to rant about, so let me say I love your theme. Enjoy looking in here, thanks for the input.

  4. Agreed. With all of it.

  5. “go back out a grumper” is now my most favorite expression ever. Seriously. It’s going on my Christmas cards.

  6. I submit this for your consideration: We live in a world where you know what a Brony is and I don’t.

    • Lucky, lucky woman.
      Google that shit.

      • I regret to say that I did the Google, and, for the second time in as many days, I have this to say: I blame Hasbro.

        I am sure there are words — there are always words — but at the moment I cannot retrieve the right ones because in this moment, there is no acronym or sentence fragment to sufficiently express my astonishment. It transcends “wtf” and “I can’t even. . . ” to stunned, albeit temporary, silence.

  7. You don’t like Bronys? NOW what am I supposed to get you for your birthday?!?

  8. You know. Before the interweb snared all of us in it’s all-enveloping, not to say smothering, embrace, I thought I was a weird person. People at school, teachers, students, custodians, called me weird, odd-ball, strange, and like that. I owned it; I liked being the weird one.
    Then Al Gore invented this majestic masterpiece with only a little help from CERN and I have since found out that not only am I not weird, but that there are some really spectacularly bent people out there.

  9. Ahh I have missed your rants. I like the other posts but the rants have been not so much lately. Is this the honeymoon period affect?

  10. I’m happy to come across another person that rants!
    Of course you used the phrase “goes without saying” that I just posted a rant about lol

    I’m looking forward to reading more of your rants! Hope you find mine entertaining as well (shhhhh …. don’t let others know we are ranting sincere, not to be comedic…)
    Its just the truth is naturally funny

  11. Yay for your rant and yay for you being happy. Not watching the SB this year…who the fuck cares, especially if someone cheated to get there…Tevs. yes to all the others…except running around in inclement weather. That part of me will never grow up.

  12. Sorry, but I happen to like a bunch of stuff done by Michael Moore because it makes me wonder what else is going on I don’t know about!

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