Rantswers® 8.0

Well, shit has more or less settled.  I went from moving to fixing to new job to… insanity… and then NaNoWriMo (which I rocked – check the front page swag and shit!).  I finally feel free enough to do another Rantswers®.  We all know my least favorite holiday is right around the corner (the one with a fat old toy pimp in red velour) so it’s high time to conduct the eighth installment of Rantswers®.


A quick review of the rules:

* You see this post, are fascinated, and want some humorous abuse from me. Perhaps you have a serious question, either type or both is fine.

* You scroll on down and post your question using the comment feature.

* Rants (uhm, me) reads and swings for the fence when he answers.

* You watch your subscription emails or the reader and stand by for the follow up. When you see the Rantswers® coming, you return, immediately hit the ‘like’ button, and enjoy the asshattery.

* Rantswers® happens monthly, generally around mid-month. Or when I want. Or both.

* Serious questions, as noted above, are allowed but if you desire a sincere answer please indicate as such, or you’ll get a Rantswer®. They look the same but taste different.

This month, Rantswers® will close comments at midnight on Friday, 12 December 2014.  Email write-ins and late entries will be mocked, derided callously and urinated upon in printed form unless my ink cartridge is fucked.

Also – note that the Army/Navy game is this Saturday as well, so don’t expect any replies until Monday-ish, or whenever the beer finally passes from my system.

Ready? Go!

For past Rantswers®, click this sentence!

32 Responses to “Rantswers® 8.0”

  1. Why is the sky blue? Are we there yet? Can I have the last beer?

  2. Is Santa an Army or Navy guy?

  3. Please explain the Hail Mary Pass.
    Does it involve nuns?

  4. Mine is a several part question…

    Who put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp?
    Who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong?
    Who put the bop in the bop shoo bop shoo bop?
    Who put the dip in the dip da dip da dip?

  5. Why do women go to the restroom in groups?

  6. Navy Wins!

    Why do some bloggers not allow the “like” button on their blog?

  7. I want to know why the Army maintains a field manual for field sanitation showing impressionable young soldiers how to poop in a hole 200 meters from the mess tent. Can a soldier really make it that far after eating in the mess tent? Also, if soldiers are supposed to dig and poop in holes, why does the Army spend billions on Porta-Potties during deployments? Is that just for officers? Millions of civilians are just losing their minds over this giant cover-up. Beat Navy!

  8. .A Not So Jaded Life. Says:

    “Taste the rainbow” is the skittles slogan… So I ate a bag of skittles, it didn’t taste like a rainbow.. Or did it?… It tasted like a ball of sugary ass, the flavour combination was insulting to my tastebuds… So, does a rainbow taste like a sweet, gritty ball of ass?? That’s the question..

  9. What happens if Navy wins? I still say beat navy but…

  10. Why are some people so obssessed with Christmas, even they are not Christians?

  11. What do you do when your trust o meter is broken and you want to trust? Serious and not…and of course it goes without saying cuz I already did…beat navy…ps…thanks for answering the what happens question early.

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