So I Started A War…

I’m acclimatizing to my new surroundings here in Virginia.  I’m also attempting to learn a new way to make red pasta sauce, but that’s not what this blog post is about.  The other day, I surveyed my rented front lawn and found it lacking.  It was three windstorms deep in leaves, and that condition could not stand.

Being talented with power equipment, I warmed up the lawn mower, the leaf blower, and the leaf sucker (awesome gadget).  Nobody on my street had attempted to wrangle in the mess of leaves that fall had brought.  I was the first.  I dove in and manually raked the crap out of the street and then scattered it across my lawn.  After that, I fired up the mower with the bag attached and went to it.

Two hard, frustrating hours later, I’d cleared my lawn of leaves.  I blew the remnant bits into a pile and mowed them up too.  The yard looked immaculate.  All of the leaf mulch I carried by bagfuls to the back yard, where I piled them up in a mound to prepare for spring.  When the season turns, I plan on installing a Japanese Maple in the rich lump of shit I accumulated.  Awesome, I know.

Where is the war?  So after I did all of this, not fewer than three neighbors ran out and began to vaccuum and mow their lawns with various powered implements.  Some of them were more awesome than mine, I admit.  However, I’d established a standard and clearly the rest of my cul-de-sac responded.  I’d shot the first round in the War For Beautiful Grass Into Winter.

Yes, tell me I’m awesome.  Or not.  I’m not, for the record.  My efforts fell on a Saturday and most folk on my road here got around to unfurling their tools on the next day, Sunday.  Whatever.

Now my next door neighbor, who is lazier than a dead rhino, has built a leaf pile as high as my nipples between our houses.  I hosed it well to reduce the profile and keep it from blowing around.  The jury’s out on that creation.  I might steal his leaves for my own Japanese Maple nefarious purposes.

I managed to break my blower/sucker for leaves.  The impeller cracked on an atomic acorn.  I have a part shipping in the next two days.  After that, once I fix my electric, awesome tool, I’ll be back out and putting the rest of these bitches to shame.  Let the games continue.


24 Responses to “So I Started A War…”

  1. Ah, yes. The joys of life in Suburbia. You gotta be careful of the nuts; not all of them on the trees.

  2. Do you know if you will get snow on this awesome lawn of yours?

  3. A good lawn is a much sort after asset. A little quote I heard once was that you could always tell the state of someone’s marriage by their lawn. An amazing lawn signaled a not so amazing marriage. Not saying this applies to you and your masterpiece, just the story that used to roll around our little mining town. We had an awesome lawn!

  4. Any leaves left on the ground here are cemented to it now with ice and snow.

  5. yeah, I did all that yardwork in the beginning. It’s all fun and games, until the rotator cuff starts screaming at you.

  6. I don’t miss yard work at all.

  7. Red pasta sauce = yummy. Tomato, garlic, onion, oregano, brown sugar…wait…

    Hope it all works out with your yardwork and that we don’t read about your neighborhood as breaking news, or the neighbors part 18 in a movie.

    And hope the leaves don’t freeze.

  8. The War of The Leaves. No doubt this will write a new chapter in tactics and strategies. At the least it was a good exercise in battle damage assessment and repair. Your martial skills are obviously holding up well. Was there beer at the after action review?

  9. Oh man, what did you do!? You had every wife on that street yelling at her husband to get his ass outside and clean up the yard because the guy across the street already did his so stop being a lazy pos and get moving.

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