Naughty Internet Shit

I am mainly a creative person who most of the time is bored shitless.  For those of you in the know, this normally leads to epic disaster.  An example of this epicness would be “Shit, I just routered off my left middle finger tip,” or “Am I in Cincinnati, or what?” (Ref.: Drunk History).  Be that as it may, I try to control my shit.  The keyboard shortcut is <CTRL><ALT><FUCKTARD>.  Now you know.  If doing that with one hand is as difficult as other internet activity while typing, I’ll suggest some other fun.

An awesomesauce blog friend of mine put up this post about Invisible Fellatio.  First, I’m going to tell you to go there (click the fucking link) and do what she says.  Prepare for the hilarity because what’s in your head after reading that and going through the steps will have you pissing yourself like a Naval Academy Middie having his first LGBHTPQ encounter.  When you’re done, come on back.  I’ll wait…


Yeah. So here’s what that shit exploded my head with, because no good idea is great without appropriate commentary…

cough04Obviously, technique is important. Note the cupping here.  One should be considerate and gently address key body parts…

cough01Also, effort is key.  Try to get yourself around the problem and work for a resolution.  Effort = commitment to task.

cockblockweedPSA: Drugs just don’t make anything better, except your ability to inhale huge amounts of stuff…

swallow01Perhaps you have trouble swallowing all this information.

cough03If so, just commit to a deeper penetration of the knowledge.


When you do, you’ll revel in the warm glow of awesome that having it will surely give you.

cleanfaceShould you find this offensive, simply clear off any residue you encounter…

spitOr forcefully eject the concept with a confident, practiced purging.

I hope all of this was helpful in resolving your reaction to what’s been presented.  If for some reason none of these important tips help you, remember this:

keanupenisNotSad Keanu.’

So?  What do you think?

16 Responses to “Naughty Internet Shit”

  1. This never gets old.

  2. I think I need brain bleach and a decontam shower.

  3. I’ll keep my own thoughts censored. Invisible Man must be thinking, “so many guys, so little time”?

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