This may be one of my longest-lasting projects so far, outside of learning English and of course my nearly-dead effort at my Rantionary. That one is stuck on “J” but I digress as usual.
The Mountain I’m referring to here is Liberation Mountain. I’ll spoiler this shit right now:
I know, it’s awesomesauce in aluminum form. Before you pick up the phone and start dialing AA on my behalf or some other local ‘help’ organization, let me assuage your concerns with the assery and history behind this monument to freedom.
It all started on October 17th, 2013. I’d spent half my morning in court receiving the final judgment on my divorce. Of course, I went to the office and finished the day because The Man (Army) wants his pound of flesh. I suppressed my enthusiasm all day and then went home. The silent calm of the empty house now seemed complete. I cracked open a beer and savored the cold, cheap light beer taste.
Several beers later, I stopped and carried my empties to the basement for crushing. At that point, the concept hit me: if I build it, it will be built. Or some shit like that, I don’t know. I was buzzing. On that night, I began stacking Liberation Mountain. On a technical note, I prefer the 16-ounce tall can of Coors Light, which will explain some calculations below.
My initial attempt was a triangular-based structure in the basement. It didn’t look very majestic or imposing because triangles suck in those categories. With four levels stacked and a shitty Liberation Hillock complete, I knew I could do better. I reworked it into a hexagonal base and kept going. Five levels, six, seven and more. Then disaster hit.
At some point during a day, the mountain half-collapsed and spread silver bullets all over the room of the basement. I discovered the floor had a minor irregularity which prevented half the structure from leaning in on itself for support. I blame trigonometry, because that fucker is and always has been a total cock block. Undaunted, I turned to my collegiate degree and engineered the fuck outta the mountain.
After three nights of stooping, stacking, and careful placement of strategic masking tape bits, I had rebirthed Liberation Mountain, mainly at that point as Mesa de Liberación. I vowed for ten levels, and kept working. I had sore legs and a big, big pile of cans.
At ten stories, it still seemed… flaccid. I added an eleventh and felt satisfied. Months passed. Liberation Mountain stood nearly as tall as me and dwarfed Mama Rants. I snapped the included picture and realized now the hard work would begin: crushing the fuck out of all those cans. In spite of my wreck of a shoulder, I managed to get them reduced on the 17th of April. Two yard-waste trash bags now hold the ashes of Liberation Mountain as they await recycling.
You might wonder about the statistics of this creation. Here you go:
Number of Cans: 1338 (as pictured)
Height: 68 – 3/4″ or 5′ – 8.75″ (174.625 cm)
Equivalent six packs: 223
Equivalent 18-packs: 74.3
Fluid Ounces (US) consumed: 21,408
Gallons (US) of beer: 167.25
Time required: 5 months = 187 days
Average consumption: 7.2 beer / day
Once I recycle all that aluminum, you know damn well what I’ll do with the money – buy more beer.