Rantswers® 6.2

Heeeeyyy, whaaazzzup?  Yeah, that.  Okay, so here is the second of three installments to Rantswers® for the sixth cycle of said posts, version six.  Please enjoy your Rantswers® below/following/now… down the fuck there:

John Erickson: If I’m freezing my butt off buried under feet of snow, why the heck do they call it global warming? (I know the answer, I just wanna see what YOU think!) Or if you prefer, if an M/C (Master of Ceremonies) asks for a round of applause, do you prefer a higher rate of smaller caliber, or fewer large-caliber rounds? Or do you just say “Screw it, nuke it”?

Some government-paid “scientist” will tell you it’s because the extra water in the air cools the atmosphere and then causes Canadianian air to lock us in a deep freeze.  Rants will tell you it’s all complete bullshit, engineered by our own government, Democrats in particular, in cooperation with the Canadianians, to incite fear and anxiety so we’ll vote for some tax-subsidized pork-fuck bill or initiative, headed by a Presidential Czar (scary fucking term), who will assrape us of some more Constitutional rights.  How’s that for accurate?  Other Rantswer®: lower rate, higher caliber… M1A1 Abrams, M2 .50 cal., S&W .45… fuck yeah.

Blogdramedy: I want to change Valentine’s Day to Chocolate-covered Bacon Day.  Are you with me?

I am so down with that you’ll have to fly to China and dig me up there.  Fuck… Yes.  Valentine’s is a stupid fucking holiday, and it’s pink, which also sucks.  However, add chocolate (okay, it’s there now shut up) and it’s tolerable.  Then, BAM! Bacon.  Total, epic, biblical, win.  Win!  I so did not capitalize ‘biblical’ on purpose.  So fuck yeah.

thelifeofjamie: What do you think of dog show people? And does God really love a terrier?

Dog show people are put on Earth not only to make Stephen Hawking jealous but also to remind those of us with lives that “by the grace of God, there go we.”  Frenching your pet on ESPN does not make you an ‘expert.’  That said, terriers are feisty little fuckers.  They happen to be my High School mascot, which I’m sure you already know.  Stalker.

1jaded1: Why do people turn into seemingly different people at Valentine’s Day? It is just a day like the other 364 or 365, and the thought of isolating one day of superficiality for a Goo-fest seems absurd. . I’m not asking out of bitter, b/c even when I was in a relationship, I wondered the same. I have friendishes who are in meltdown mode b/c they are single.  Serious and not. Thanks.

Valentine’s Day sucks dead rhino ass.  It does this because it creates un-meet-able expectations in half the human population that something romantically special might happen to them on one day of the year.  Your own point above answers your own question:  every day is important when you love someone, and only telling them on that one day is just fucking fucktarded fuckchunkery.  That wraps both Rantswers® into one… because I used ‘fucktarded…’  among other choice words.

1jaded1 (again): Which combo, if you had to pick one… and you do. Don’t care about the why. Yes, I’m annoying…I’ve heard it all before. Serious.  Jan and Feb; Feb and Mar; Mar and Apr; Apr and May ;May and Jun; Jun and Jul; Jul and Aug; Aug and Sep; Sep and Oct; Oct and Nov; Nov and Dec; Dec and Jan?

Drunk question.  I’ll try to answer all of them.  Favorite months: DEC and JAN and MAY because all of my favorite ladies are born then.  Relationship-wise: JAN and FEB, because.  Climate: MAY-OCT, because warm, in Kansas at least.  Holiday: NOV because Thanksgiving, and JUL because 4oJ.  Fuck Christmas.

Because fuck yes… tune in for one more Rantswers® post!

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36 Responses to “Rantswers® 6.2”

  1. Thank you and affirmative. I spent Friday with meltdown friend and she wanted to watch romance movies and cry. I told her the only way I’d be crying is if I stabbed my eyeballs out while watching romance movies. I suggested “Pumpkinhead” for comedy. We ended up compromising on some crime show.

    It wasn’t a drunk question. It was a curious one. Thanks for the answer and even including the why.

  2. Before I reply- I just need to know if you’ve seen Best in Show.

  3. Since my birthday is in December, you must have been including me in your list of favorite ladies with birthdays in those months?

  4. You’ve never seen BEST IN SHOW??? How is that possible?

  5. People may be missing the obvious with the polar vortex /winter thing. Santa ain’t happy with countries trying to annex his North Pole.
    Bacon tribute may soothe his anger.

  6. Great answer. I just read you can now buy marijuana jerky. Add some bacon to that, and some chocolate, and you’ve got yourself a nutritious start, middle, and end of your day. *grin*

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