Rantswers® 6.0

Here we go with the sixth cycle of Rantswers®!  I was taking a dump the other day and realized this format is so much more awesomer than me asking you all questions, because Rantswers®!  In other words, you get to be the star of the question, not me.  All of us here in my head prefer it this way.



A quick review of the rules:

* You see this post, are fascinated, and want some humorous abuse from me. Perhaps you have a serious question, either type or both is fine.

* You scroll on down and post your question using the comment feature.

* Rants (uhm, me) reads and swings for the fence when he answers.

* You watch your subscription emails or the reader and stand by for the follow up. When you see the Rantswers® coming, you return, immediately hit the ‘like’ button, and enjoy the asshattery.

* Rantswers® happens monthly, generally around mid-month. Or when I want. Or both.

* Serious questions, as noted above, are allowed but if you desire a sincere answer please indicate as such, or you’ll get a Rantswer®. They look the same but taste different.

This month, Rantswers® will close comments at midnight on Valentine’s Day.  Or as I like to call it this year, Friday the 14th of February. Email write-ins and late entries will be mocked and derided callously.

Ready? Go!

For past Rantswers®, click this sentence!


102 Responses to “Rantswers® 6.0”

  1. Sid Caesar just died and I thought he was already dead. Shirley Temple died two days ago and I thought she was dead, too. Who else is still around that I don’t know about? What about Abe Vigoda?

  2. Why do I feel like I’m never full after eating? Recently, I feel like I’m a bottomless pit and can eat all night. I have to stop myself ever time I eat cuz I could put down an entire menu if not checked.

  3. I had two snow days this week, and I just had two snow days only two weeks ago. Both times we’ve had less than two inches of white. You’re in the land of winter. What say you of the South and snow?

  4. I bought myself a heart-shaped box of chocolates for Friday, the 14th of February because I was in the store stocking up for the next round of winter wonderland and because chocolate. Is it cheating if I eat one on Thursday the 13th? I’m not clear on the rules.

  5. Reblogged this on IloveTheProject.com and commented:

  6. What has happened to common sense amongst people? Why do I find myself surrounded by such morons who feel compelled to bombard me with nothing less than their complete display of fucktardery?? Why? Is it wrong for me to want to jump over my desk and throat-punch the next person to walk into our ground floor reception area and ask me if they are magically on the second floor of the building? This is something that happens daily. I’m currently taking out my frustrations on cake… because, let’s face it, CAKE!!

    • You need to try what I did, when bothered by people asking stupid questions – sharpen a REALLY long bayonet, preferably from World War One, while you ponder the answer. People will quickly beg your pardon and walk briskly away. If not, apply bayonet as needed to idiot’s hindquarters. Also briskly!

      • Well, you see this is why I personally want a taser. But apparently they’re illegal here (‘Straya!) or something. I just think it would make life so much easier.
        Ask me a stupid question? TASER.
        You want to waddle along the footpath in a group so nobody can get past? TASER!!
        Unable to decide which lane you’re driving in? TASER!!
        Don’t want to listen to logic and reason? TASER!!

        …see where I’m going with this??

        • It takes a bit of set up work, but you need to introduce a reason to have a cane. Get something cheap and tacky you can return to the med supply store (or your version of Wal-Mart), then go find some woodworker to make you a heavy wooden one. I got one from an Amish chap near me, and I swear he painted a hunk of steel with woodgrain! You clobber somebody in the head with this, they ain’t gettin’ back up. And you can take it anywhere, because it’s a walking aid for your infirmity. (I do seriously have a gamey hip, but I have a light “everyday” wood cane for that. This thing I call my “war cane” – kinda like a medieval mace disguised as a cane. 😀 ) And you don’t have to actually hit people with it – just tangle up their ankles, or if you’re so inclined, you can try for an 8-ball in the hip pocket! (Just be sure to have a BIG rubber tip on the end, to prevent .. um … er … “accidental insertions”. 😯 )
          Just make sure you have the doctor’s note that you need one. That covers a multitude of sins. It also helps to have grey hair (or in my case, none at all), and REALLY works wonders if you wear military surplus and talk to yourself a lot. 😉

      • And here we go…

    • You’ll get a separate, next-blog reply over and above my un-hired response monkey below.

  7. If I’m freezing my butt off buried under feet of snow, why the heck do they call it global warming? (I know the answer, I just wanna see what YOU think! 😀 ) Or if you prefer, if an M/C (Master of Ceremonies) asks for a round of applause, do you prefer a higher rate of smaller calibre, or fewer large-calibre rounds? Or do you just say “Screw it, nuke it”?

  8. I want to change Valentines Day to Chocolate-covered Bacon Day.
    Are you with me?

  9. What do you think of dog show people? And does God really love a terrier?

  10. Why do people turn into seemingly different people at Valentine’s Day? It is just a day like the other 364 or 365, and the thought of isolating one day of superficiality for a Goo-fest seems absurd. . I’m not asking out of bitter, b/c even when i was in a relationship, I wondered the same. I have friendishes who are in meltdown mode b/c they are single.

    Serious and not. Thanks.

  11. I’ve just started blogging, I’m keeping my real name a secret but if you solve my code, you’ll work out what my name really is. Will accept the challenge and see the first chapter of the scheme of The Being.

  12. whiteladyinthehood Says:

    Are you still working on your book?

  13. If you fix a meal, but there’s no picture of it on Facebook or Instagram, did you really fix it?

  14. What in the world do you do to get Erickson to poke his head out of his hole, when all the rest of the blogosphere dessicates from want of him?

  15. NotAPunkRocker Says:

    Should I cough up the money to let my kid travel some after he graduates this year, or should I take the money and run? Serious and not, please and thanks.

  16. What is the difference between a dork and a nerd? We spazzes of the world would like to know.

  17. Why is it that even though I’m a size 8, almost a size 6, I’m still in the obese category on the BMI (Body Mass Index) charts? When did a size 8 count as obese?!

  18. […] Come Back and I Shall Mock You an Additional Time « Rantswers® 6.0 […]

  19. […] whaaazzzup?  Yeah, that.  Okay, so here is the second of three installments to Rantswers® for the sixth cycle of said posts, version six.  Please enjoy your Rantswers® below/following/now… down the fuck […]

  20. […] he, but he hides it very well.  So hopefully most of you have the day off to enjoy the wrap-up of the sixth round of Rantswers®.  Bringing up the […]

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