As promised, today brings the second in the series of Rantswers® for the glorious and awesome fifth iteration in that effort to keep you involved and entertained as readers. In case there’s asses out of frames, please know your questions with Rantswers® are posted in the order received. I fucking hate alphabetizing.
philosophermouseofthehedge: It’s grey. It’s cold. So it’s winter. Who left the door open to the north? Was it a plot to keep some countries away so they can’t land in the Arctic? What about Santa Claus and his North Pole enclave? Will that become an international city like Rome – or will he and the elves fall under another’s rule setting up future insurrections and conflicts requiring UN/US forces to intervene?
Make no mistake here. This is Santa Claus’ evil doing. It is no coinkydinky that if you take ‘Santa’ and swap around the letters, you get ‘Satan.’ For a deeper explanation, go here. As for an intervention, no US action here since there’s no oil, but the UN will likely send forces from Central Africa and South America – about a platoon – and they will be gobsmacked by the cold and huddle in Canadian igloos. In the end, nothing will change.
benzeknees: Why do fools fall in love? Somebody else asked me this question & I didn’t have a good answer!
Quite possibly because birds sing so gay and/or your heart skips a crazy beat. No matter what, it seems to be the human condition we’re all doomed to experience. Thank God.
ddupre315: If you were offered an infinite amount of money to purchase one item, what would it be and why?
You’re waiting for me to say, “bacon.” Although the merit of that idea is inherently self-evident, I’m going to pick books. I’m sure our government is about to roll out a federally-funded study that proves reading is bad for your health, but I’ve never read an independent study that establishes a causal link between too much reading and death. So fuck Obamacare.
Audrey: Is there such a thing as a stupid question?
Very insightful. I believe the Rantswer® is, “It depends.” For example, all of the questions here are awesome. However, I’ve found that when I ask questions, people tend to look confused, scared, and reach under the desk for the security button. Their look implies that I have a male genital appendage sprouting from my forehead, so I’m guessing I am the designated Stupid Question Asker.
whiteladyinthehood: What have you made/built that you are most proud of?
Well, the Rantswer® would be that I managed to mash my hand in clay and then paint it without fucking up when I was in kindergarten. On a more serious side, while the desk I’m typing at is pretty spiffy, I’d have to say I’m most proud of my son.
1jaded1: When the fuck-munch in the eight thousand ton (exaggeration) pick up decides you are not driving fast enough on the ice packed road (you are doing the speed limit) and driver decides to pass you with a fishtail to boot, how do you handle the driver when you meet driver at a light that is several miles down the road? I chose to laugh and wave, which incensed driver enough to almost spin out upon take off. Would you have handled it differently? Thanks!! Of course serious and ranty.
Okay, I’ve struggled long and hard to subdue my road rage tendencies, because if you wrestle a pig, you get muddy and the pig is merely happy. Also, you spit all over the inside of the windshield, which is hard to clean. On the Rantswer® side, I’ve learned from my Afghan deployments that strong magnets and explosives can be very, very effective, notably against fuck-munches.
Thanks for staying tuned so far! Tomorrow will bring 5.3 and the junk-kick conclusion.