Rantswers® 5.0

Aaaaugghhh!

Aaaaugghhh!

I’ve obviously been off the wagon of regular Rantswers® given everything I’ve been loaded down with the past couple of months.  The good news is, most of the major muscle movements are over with, and I can see light at the end of the tunnel and relax for about a day.  After that, I’m sure the Army will, in its infinite wisdom, move me again.  But, on with the Rantswers®!

A quick review of the rules:

* You see this post, are fascinated, and want some humorous abuse from me. Perhaps you have a serious question, either type or both is fine.

* You scroll on down and post your question using the comment feature.

* Rants (uhm, me) reads and swings for the fence when he answers.

* You watch your subscription emails or the reader and stand by for the follow up. When you see the Rantswers® coming, you return, immediately hit the ‘like’ button, and enjoy the asshattery.

* Rantswers® happens monthly, generally around mid-month.  Or when I want.  Or both.

* Serious questions, as noted above, are allowed but if you desire a sincere answer please indicate as such, or you’ll get a Rantswer®. They look the same but taste different.

This month, Rantswers® will close comments at midnight on Wednesday the 8th of January.  Email write-ins and late entries will be mocked and derided callously.

Ready? Go!

For past Rantswers®, click this sentence!

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63 Responses to “Rantswers® 5.0”

  1. What makes Ramen noodles so fucking good?

  2. Do you kick butt at the board Risk? You know, being in the military and all…

  3. Does the United States Army award “Taint Stain” badges to enlisted men or must one be an officer to achieve Taint Staindom?

    As a civilian and taxpayer, I’d like to know just where my Taint Stain tax dollars go.

  4. 1. Can you accurately describe the inner workings of John E’s twisted mind? No is an unacceptable answer.
    2. How do you solve a problem like Maria?
    3. If you could only choose one person to spend the rest of your life with in paradise (and you’d be independently wealthy, so no dependence on others) who would it be- Donald Trump, Chris Christie, or Paul Ryan?
    4. Was your last sentence about email/late entries was referring to me? If so, I haven’t been derided callously in some time.

  5. AmberJayde Says:

    1of3..
    Why do they sterilize the needle before a lethal injection?

    2of3..
    Whos bright idea was it to have an ‘S’ in lisp?

    3of3..
    They say when you eat skittles you can ‘taste the rainbow’.. Has someone licked a rainbow?

  6. It’s grey. It’s cold. So it’s winter.
    Who left the door open to the north? Was it a plot to keep some countries away so they can’t land in the Arctic?
    What about Santa Claus and his North Pole enclave? Will that become an international city like Rome – or will he and the elves fall under another’s rule setting up future insurrections and conflicts requiring UN/US forces to intervene?

  7. Why do fools fall in love? Somebody else asked me this question & I didn’t have a good answer!

  8. If you were offered an infinite amount of money to purchase one item, what would it be and why?

  9. Is there such a thing as a stupid question?

  10. whiteladyinthehood Says:

    What have you made/built that you are most proud of?

  11. When the fuck-munch in the eight thousand ton (exaggeration) pick up decides you are not driving fast enough on the ice packed road (you are doing the speed limit) and driver decides to pass you with a fishtail to boot, how do you handle the driver when you meet driver at a light that is several miles down the road? I chose to laugh and wave, which incensed driver enough to almost spin out upon take off. Would you have handled it differently? Thanks!! Of course serious and ranty.

  12. What is the best thing about being a Ford fan and was it hard telling your parents you were gay?

  13. Super funny sometimes if feel like that to when typing.

  14. That is the scariest gif I’ve ever seen…

  15. Why is Mother Nature such a whore? Always coming along and fucking people’s shit up but when it comes time to clean up she’s nowhere to be seen? Won’t even send in a troupe of monkey-butlers!

  16. Who the fuck invented the term ‘polar vortex’? AND, why are we inundated with snow so blessed early in the winter that I have to be reminded on a fucking daily basis that I live on an island in the middle of the north Atlantic, preventing me from pretending I live in the more desirable tropical island? Hmmmm?? For fuck’s sake, enough already!
    Answer at will…or something. Or Rantswer…whatfuckever…yeah.

  17. Could you explain what the f… the song American Pie means….. This is my first meeting with you.

  18. Anything I don’t already know, I wait till John E. takes his meds, and then ask him, and never get callously derided . I wait on tenterhooks, and those damned things are sharp, for you to elucidate this pack of plebeians. 😉

  19. […] Random Stuff From My Head « Rantswers® 5.0 […]

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