Random Thought #62

I am God’s chew toy.

108 Responses to “Random Thought #62”

  1. The Elite of Just Alright Says:

    Hey, that’s my title. Way to claim credit for my accomplishments asshole. Glory hound…

    • At least I’m a rawhide one, with the knots in each end, right?

      • If that is the king of chew toys, then yes.

        • Perhaps. I meant I’m a tough hard-case that has knobby protuberances. Shit like that.

          • You know how you get the squeaky toy and you think it’s the best thing ever? And then the dog just squeaks and squeaks and squeaks that damn thing and you think, “Man, I’m not really into this squeaky toy anymore.” But you stay with the squeaky toy, because even though it’s irritating and annoying, at least it’s familiar. Then one day the squeaky toy is missing and you’re sad, even heartbroken. Even though that squeaky toy wasn’t the best fit at least it was a constant. At first your like, “I will never have another squeaky toy again!” But if you sit back and really think about it, the squeaky toy wasn’t working out anyway. So give it some time, let the days take it’s course…and it will take time. Before you know it, there will be an even better dog toy, one that’s not so squeaky, one that won’t get so slobbery, and you will be happier. I have experience on this.

          • Oh, yeah. So it’s like meth.

  2. I am God’s discarded chew toy…you are a worthy replacement.

  3. Better than being his fuck-toy, I suppose….

    either way, hope you have a merry christmas, and a great year to come, Rants.

  4. It ain’t easy bein’ bacon-flavored.

  5. I think we all feel that way from time to time. Or all the time. Except when we’re drunk. And sometimes even then.

  6. I suddenly understand why I’m in so much pain all the time…

  7. Right idea, wrong end. Why do you think I have such affinity for trees – from which paper is made? 😉
    And a Merry to you and the guests at Casa Del Rants. May your White Christmas get no whiter! 😀

  8. Reblogged this on richkellyblog and commented:
    Living in a house with 5 dogs, I could not agree more.

  9. I’m new to blogging, and you’re more or less a superstar. And I don’t want to come off crude. But chew toy is an understatement. 2013 felt like God fucked me in the ass without lube.
    I’m going to use that on my own blog – while accepting my Sunshine award.
    Chew on, sir! I love all things Canadian!

  10. I would put you in the Kong category for chew toys Rants! My Bandit used to destroy a giant kong in no time even though they are made extra tough & durable for rottweilers! I picture you as tough & durable & made to last for a very long time! Merry Christmas to you & Mama Rants! (& your son if he’s coming home for Christmas)

  11. Just LOOK at all this comment traction you’re getting out of a lousy FIVE WORD POST! I’ve never seen anything like it. Well done, man. You know how to push the collective button.

  12. whiteladyinthehood Says:

    Dear Little-Pant-Rants,
    I was going to skip my letter to you this year, but you seem in dire need of my Christmas Cheer! (and when Archon takes over my job next year, God knows the only thing he’ll come down the chimney and put in our stockings is a bunch of hot air) Ho.Ho.Ho.
    So, I will appeal to your inner child, the one that still cherishes Fred and his Mama and boobs and bacon. I hope you have a peaceful New Year.

    I heard about the Dixie Cup tragedy…so, I’m enclosing a pack of Solo Cups (they are great for keg parties)


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