Rantionary: “I” Is For…
Good morning, Awesome Rants Army Readerhood! Yeah, I said good morning so you know my shit is fake. In social situations, I always just say, “Morning,” through gritted teeth as if stating the fact that it is morning. I rarely see much good about the fact. I’ve made sure my duty is done and ensured the Sun came up correctly while applying my caffiene heart paddles.
Anyway, the letter “I” presented a challenge, and this installation is grim. Nonetheless, here it is:
i[Thing]: (n) Any mass-produced, inferior electronic appliance that is overpriced and relies on highly-proprietary software and support, labelled with a leading “i” to appeal to the younger, self-absorbed, douchecrowd, that is ostentatiously used in public to convey a sense of lemming coolness. You have been assimilated.
idiot: (n) A fucking idiot, fucktard, asshat, window-licking dimwit. A person who sails through life unaware of the wake of wreckage behind them. See also: idjit.
idjit: (n) An idiot in particular vernacular, or when spoken very fast while intoxicated or while French. See also: idiot.
inblow: (v) To intentionally manipulate one’s intestines, colon, sphincter and abdominal wall in such a way as to fool a fart into thinking it is free and then sucking it back in at the last second to preserve an epic hook-up, epic sex, or avoid embarrassment while using public transportation.
interrorview: (n) a verbal evisceration by a member of our lamestream media, normally deviating from the softball questions into those pertaining to sexual preference, masturbatory habits, and prior abortions performed. (v) 1) To totally overwhelm the interroviewee with deeply-cutting, personally embarrassing and scandal-producing questions aimed at discrediting the hapless person in the press; 2) to intentionally and publicly character-murder someone who is not a Democrat.
introsuction: (n) The process by which you conduct a deep, meaningful inner self-examination and eventually come to the conclusion that you are a total asshatted, fuckchunked, window-licker; the intersection of suckitude and introspection.
I cannot claim any kind of copyright on this shit, so use freely though with caution.
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