Rantswers 2.2
Here’s the breathless, exciting conclusion to our second round of Rantswers®! Thanks to all the questioners and readers for their support…
Chris De Voss: What’s the best combination of ingredients to build the perfect sandwich/sub?
Go to a place called SubStop in Wurzburg, Germany. It’s right outside the gate of the base I was on… the secret isn’t the combination of ingredients, but rather the awesome of the fresh cheese (Germans do good cheese and ham), meat and such. I will always pick salt, pepper, vinegar and oil as my sub condiments, though. It makes it awesome, and sub sammiches I tend to lean toward Italian.
1. Can a woman teach a man to grill? If so, should she?
Yes, they can provided the man is emotionally mature enough to listen, process information and keep his hands and attitude (insecurity) to himself during.
2. If you knew you only had one hour left, how would you spend those 60 minutes?
I’d probably read a favorite book of mine.
3. How old is too old for tequila body shots?
Never, really, but I’m sure some mothers might get upset if you’re doing this with their 16-year-old boy. Just saying.
Melanie: Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
You haven’t heard, I guess. She was zipping her itinerant ass around the Middle East and got beheaded by a group of Libyan jihadis, just after they stoned her thoroughly and called her an infidel whore. Sorry to have to break that to you. The State Department says it was just a demonstration and the President knew nothing of it.
Ddupre315: Ipad Mini or Nexus 7.2 ?
Nexus, hands down, because fuck Apple and their special cords, special chargers and uncompatible everything loaded on. I have an Android phone and love it, because free shit is… well, free. And awesomesauce!
Revis Edgewater: I have a blogging friend who denies that she, or any other female, passes gas or takes dumps. How do I finally get her to face reality?
I’m pretty sure 1Jaded1 farts and poops. However, if you can do this without looking too stalker-ish or date-rapey, install a ToiletCam. Record your evidence of fecal offloading and present her with the product. Granted, she’ll tell you that’s chocolate coming out, followed by lemonade, but you have to try.
Claudia Bette: Why is it that when I’m standing in a line the person behind me thinks they will get to the front of the line faster by standing 1 inch behind me?
He or she doesn’t think that. I’m guessing these are men, mainly. I’d recommend not using the bacon-scented perfume. You might also want to ease back to bathing once a month and throwing away your razors. Also , regular broccoli or cauliflower eating can aid in making people keep away.
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BrainRants 
August 21, 2013 at 06:27
Reality? Why would you face that?
August 21, 2013 at 08:24
No choice. It forces its way in.
August 21, 2013 at 07:42
I don’t think I’m going to make it to Germany anytime soon. I’ll just sit here instead and play with my wienerschnitzel.
August 21, 2013 at 08:24
That is always a cheaper solution.
August 21, 2013 at 08:00
Twasnt me. I can proudly fart the alphabet.Guess again, Rants!
August 21, 2013 at 08:25
And I’m an Olympic-class Conclusion Jumper.
August 21, 2013 at 09:24
Here’s your Gold medal…
August 21, 2013 at 09:28
Yay.
August 21, 2013 at 08:18
Oh Carmen, noooooo! I hadn’t heard. Guess that’s what I get for boycotting the news for months at a time.
August 21, 2013 at 08:26
Brought to you courtesy of Jihadi intolerance.
August 21, 2013 at 08:27
And an ugly intolerance it is.
August 21, 2013 at 08:40
And just so I don’t sound intolerant myself, we started the fight… little thing, some people call it “The Crusades.”
August 21, 2013 at 08:46
We did, I agree. There was no tolerance or turning of the cheek. We retaliated in the way we accuse others of doing. It’s a sad affair. One I’m dreadfully sorry to see continuing to physically and emotionally take lives daily.
August 21, 2013 at 09:01
Agreed.
August 21, 2013 at 09:03
I’m sorry you’ve had your life forever changed by this, direct or indirect as it may be.
August 21, 2013 at 09:08
I don’t regret that one bit.
August 21, 2013 at 09:41
I’m grateful to the You’s of this country.
August 21, 2013 at 09:50
Thanks!
August 21, 2013 at 09:24
Poor Carmen. And Gibralter let her in, but Spain made her crawl for hours in line at the border trying to hold her head on straight, pay a crossing fee, accused her of smuggling tobacco (even those she wanted into Spain – not the other way), then shipped her back to the Middle East suspecting she was a really a British spy.
The White House, seeing her first and last names, relented, flew a chopper over – once Bo was through with it – and asked her to stand next to some ancient basketball players and talk about the glorious new healthcare program and the benefits of immigration. But she lost her head.
So everyone voted to go to Germany – for the cheese, silly, no other reason
August 21, 2013 at 09:27
Epic.
August 21, 2013 at 09:29
I’m – seriously – just sitting here thinking about great sandwiches I have had.
Pickles seem to be a recurrent element. And good bread. I hate it when sandwich places go all out on the meats and cheeses, and then throw in on some rubbery slab of sponge.
August 21, 2013 at 09:49
I completely agree.
August 21, 2013 at 09:36
Well there it is. I obviously have been over doing it on the daily showers and rubbing to much bacon all over my body.
I would have never known with out your insight.
August 21, 2013 at 09:50
And there you have it.
August 21, 2013 at 11:40
. . . I’d probably read a favorite book of mine.
If you’re like me, you will find this question impossible to answer, but I’m not grading or anything. In fact, I’ll come back next month and ask it again, so it’s a head start:
If you could only pick one, what might it be?
August 21, 2013 at 12:10
I can narrow it this far: King, Michener, Heinlein, or Steinbeck. After that, I’m stuck in a do-loop of choice.
August 21, 2013 at 14:06
I’d travel pretty far for a great sandwich.
It’s the little things in life…
August 21, 2013 at 14:11
Sammich!
August 21, 2013 at 17:40
Thank you, this solidified my choice. Hoping for the new Nexus for my birthday!
August 21, 2013 at 20:17
I think you’ll like it. The whole touchscreen thing pisses me off because fingerprints, but overall, a good OS.
August 22, 2013 at 02:19
I’ll probably get a stylus thingy cuz yeh fingerprints. Oh and I have a Galaxy III …no real complaints.
August 22, 2013 at 04:58
Sweet! That’s what I have. Still figuring it out.
August 22, 2013 at 19:26
Good answer on the tequila body shots, but I would add if the shot glass disappears in the folds of your wrinkles, that particular ship may have sailed.
August 22, 2013 at 19:45
No, then it’s “Easter Egg Hunt” body shots.
August 26, 2013 at 18:10
I like your advice about avoiding bathing to keep men from standing too close! Simple & something anyone can do!
August 26, 2013 at 20:11
Yes. Generally, men don’t like stinky women.
August 27, 2013 at 14:38
Although some European men like the “au naturel” smell of a woman without perfumes, soaps, etc.
August 27, 2013 at 14:47
…and some women like a man “au naturel” but it depends on what he was doing beforehand. Laying horse manure on a field in 90+ degree heat, probably not so much.
August 27, 2013 at 16:44
I am not a fan of “au naturel” men. I like clean, wonderfully scented men. I love a man who smells good.
August 27, 2013 at 17:54
Like, “Orange-color Dial soap.”
August 27, 2013 at 18:03
I prefer something a little more manly, like Irish Spring!
August 27, 2013 at 18:14
Ick.
August 28, 2013 at 15:32
Ick? Ick? Pfft on your ick. Don’t you want to smell nice?
August 28, 2013 at 16:44
Dial smells nice.
August 29, 2013 at 11:18
Dial smells like chemicals.
August 29, 2013 at 11:32
Yes, delicious and clean-smelling chemicals.
August 29, 2013 at 12:21
Delicious? Clean-smelling chemicals? That’s an oxymoron if I ever heard one!
August 29, 2013 at 12:32
I was being deliberately odd.
August 27, 2013 at 17:53
That and, “I help stave off global warming by bathing once a month, even if I don’t need it.” Eew.
August 27, 2013 at 17:51
There’s a time and place for a little of that, but having been in Europe, many lines are crossed.
August 27, 2013 at 20:36
I told you before it wasn’t Jaded. Besides, I’m pretty sure she’d let me install a ToiletCam, if I asked nicely enough….or paid her enough….
August 27, 2013 at 21:25
I’d go with the ‘paid’ option.