Rantswers – 1.3
When I posted the first Rantswers® piece a few days ago, your response was so overwhelming that I had to break my replies into three separate posts. Here’s the final third:
La La: Why does my boyfriend always fart on me when I’m just trying to say nice things?
Sorry to break this to you, but he’s an emotional retard who cannot express feelings unless they spew from his anal cavity. In this regard, he is much like all of we men are: emotional afterbirths who struggle to sort out anything beyond anger, orgasm and bacon. Or so I’ve been told.
Charlene Woodley: What should beer drinkers use more of in order to help balance and improve the recycling industry – long necks or tall cans?
Cans of any kind, because 1) they’re so totally ghetto; 2) they’re so awesomely light; 3) they’re smooshable as opposed to glass; 4) aluminum doesn’t set off my PTSD like glass does; 5) Recycling!!! Fuck yeah! and 6) recycled cans buys more beer which equals total fucking win!
1jaded1: Planes, trains or automobiles and why? Those are the only 3 options. Does a bear Shit in the woods? More serious than not, but have some fun: why are relationships complicated? My perma~walls are up after a bitter ending…and I see so many other relationships ending. Wtf?
Planes, because FAST! Yes, bears do, because no thumbs. Last, semiserious: Because. Humans are universally fucked up, 1j1, and we just do the best we can. Now if you ended this last one because he left the seat up consistently, you need a text on physics so you’ll understand that energy up = energy down. Other than that, make sure you tell yourself it’s for the best, and try chipping those walls down. Not all men are Sappers (Google that shit!).
mamahasapottymouth: 1. When you are the beer holder during those moments of hold-my-beer-and-watch-this, are you liable for what ensues? More specifically, are you then labeled as an accessory or do you fall into the innocent, laughing bystander category?
Yes, definitely. Your beer-holding makes you an accessory after the fact. If you do not consume said beer after the hander-offer gives it to you and befuckulates him/herself, then you have wasted beer, which is a felony.
2. Are leggings actually pants? (if you’re up for giving fashion advice)
No. Never. However, yoga pants… *drool*
3. How acceptable is it to hide from your kids and eat an entire family sized bag of mini m&m’s?
That is perfectly and fully acceptable, provided you can A) absorb that caloric intake and B) take the fifteen to twenty wipes it will require to clean your o-ring when you shit all of that mucous membrane-irritating chocolate. Mmmmm chocolate…
Archon: If a hen-and-a-half laid an egg-and-a-half in a day-and-a-half, how many nuts would you find in a pound of butter….or on Rants comment section?
None, because I don’t own fucking chickens. Boneless/skinless come from the store, as do eggs. But, you’re a Newf, so thing just might be slightly different there. I blame Kayjai.
ddupre: Why do girls spit on each other in lesbian porn? Do men, women or anyone else find that sexy?
Because it’s fucking hot, that’s why, and men together is … *gag*. We men do, because we’re 3.5 billion sick, twisted asswipes who like watching chicks get jiggy with one another. And with spit. Personally, fuck yes I do. Just saying.
The Elite of Just Alright: What is the meaning of life?
Forty-two. 🙂 Did you seriously think I’d get that wrong?