Rantswers! – 1.0

It seems everywhere you go on the web, you find pages of advice in response to reader-posed questions.  Some bloggers even do this, to great effect.

So I was sitting here on my expanding butt one day and thought, “You know, you have tons of useless shit in your head.  Maybe you can give advice too.”  This may well be as wise a statement as, “Hold my beer… watch this!”  So be it.  We’re giving it a try here at BrainRants, because we’re the Rants Army, and we’re can-do motherfuckers.  And so Rantswers® is born.

I should set up a Bookface account or whatever, but fuck that.  They don’t need all that personal information to sell to the FBI.  So we’re going to have to run this from here.

Rules:

You see this post, are intrigued, and then scroll down to ask questions using the Comment feature.

Rants reads the comment/question, and swings for the fence to answer.

You return and enjoy my asshattery.

Periodic calls for questions will be posted, possibly on a periodic basis.

Serious questions are allowed, but please indicate that you desire a sincere answer, vice a Rantswer®.

Ready?  Go!

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44 Responses to “Rantswers! – 1.0”

  1. whiteladyinthehood Says:

    What kinda questions? You are going to give us your advise on anything, life in general? Like a hard-core Dear Abby?

  2. Semi-sincere question: how long will it take before my 17-yo son returns to being a human who treats me like a human? And will he ever hug me without prompting again?

  3. Hmmm….questions, questions…so many. Driving the tank…your choice or were you volun-told? Miller or Budweiser? (or impress me with a Canadian beer) What’s your fave colour? How many fingers am I holding up? What’s the best word in the English language?

    You can choose to answer any or all…you.are.welcome.

  4. Philosopher Mouse of the Hedge Says:

    (putting down beer for a moment)
    When they say to feel better take “hair of the dog” is there a specific breed that is recommended?
    Does it have to be a freshly picked hair or is one stuck on the sofa/clothing OK to use?

  5. twindaddy Says:

    Why do people get all vindictive and shit and act stupid when a relationship ends?

  6. Question: How can I help my shy, nerdy son find a girlfriend?

  7. Insincere question: gerbils or mice?
    A full, detailed answer please, with pros and cons for both…ends.

    (Can’t wait to see the search terms that get you traffic after that one!)

  8. Why do dads feel like they have to coach their son in football
    in High efin school??????????????
    Let go of them already!!!!

  9. So many questions…
    1. What did you name your woobie?
    2. What came first, the chicken or the egg?
    3. Where did you go to high school/ college? Major?
    4. Who is your favorite author? What is your favorite book?
    5. Does John E scare you more than upper grabassistan?
    6. Detail exactly what you would do if you owned a cat.
    7. If you could do anything over in life, what would it be?
    8. If you could have anything in the world, what would it be?
    9. Toilet paper roll… Paper over or under?
    10. Do you eat corn on the cob from left to right or in a circle?
    11. Bonus question… Do you turn the lights off when you leave the room every time?

  10. Why does my boyfriend always fart on me when I’m just trying to say nice things?

  11. Question: What should beer drinkers use more of in order to help balance and improve the recycling industry – long necks or tall cans?

  12. 1jaded1 Says:

    Planes, trains or automobiles and why? Those are the only 3 options.

    Does a bear Shit in the woods?

    More serious than not, but have some fun: why are relationships complicated? My perma~walls are up after a bitter ending…and I see so many other relationships ending. Wtf?

    Can’t wait to read your rantswer to Guap’s question!

  13. 1. When you are the beer holder during those moments of hold-my-beer-and-watch-this, are you liable for what ensues? More specifically, are you then labeled as an accessory or do you fall into the innocent, laughing bystander category?
    2. Are leggings actually pants? (if you’re up for giving fashion advice)
    3. How acceptable is it to hide from your kids and eat an entire family sized bag of mini m&m’s?

  14. I’m sitting here with a bowl of popcorn and a soda just waiting for the Rantswers. I’ve also got a box of tissue, a roll of paper towels and 911 programmed into speed-dial.
    Let ‘er rip. 😈
    BTW: I figure I fall into innocent bystander status up until I actually hold the beer. After that I’m at least an accessory, if not an inciter.

  15. If a hen-and-a-half laid an egg-and-a-half in a day-and-a-half, how many nuts would you find in a pound of butter….or on Rants comment section??! Feel free to philosophise all over me! 😉

  16. Two part question: Why do girls spit on each other in lesbian porn? Do men, women or anyone else find that sexy?

  17. The Elite of Just Alright Says:

    What is the meaning of life?

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