Rantionary: “G” Is For…
Yet another installment of my ongoing explainer/dictionary of creative ways to employ or destroy the English language. By now you’ve likely noted that some of these terms appear in regular dictionaries. Then again, if you’re smart enough to notice that shit, you’re also bright enough to realize I rarely feel obliged to adhere to those and therefore wield them more freely. Sort of like preferring boxers over briefs. Before you ask: boxers, because freedom.
Onward with the exploration of the letter G:
Gastronomic event: (n) A purging of the digestive tract characterized by spewing vomit from both one’s nose and mouth simultaneously. Should this occurrence elevate to a Major Gastronomic Event, then three bodily orifices are involved, and a major choice is implied.
Gector: (n) A geek who possesses both magnitude and direction. Syn.: UberNerd, BrainRants.
Goober: (n) A person with the intellect of a potted plant who is of no harm to him- or herself, or to others.
Grab-ass: (n) An adult game characterized by stupidity, pointlessness, and extreme time-wasting. Syn.: Fucking around, fiddle fucking; (adj) To describe something as stupid, pointless, and a waste of time. Ex.: “This meeting is some amateur-hour, grab-ass bullshit.”
Grudgefuck: (n) Coitus whose pure animalistic enthusiasm leaves furniture moved or broken; (v) to engage in angry but satisfying copulation.
Gription: (n) That which allows you to run on wet grass in sneakers, hold wiggling infant humans, or save oneself by retaining control of the bar of soap in a prison shower scenario.
GynoGuy: (n) A straight human of the male gender who has taken ‘metrosexual’ beyond the point of being acceptable, characterized by obviously-frosted tips involving hair gel and spray, shaved chest, sculpted eyebrows, fruity mannerisms and pointy, elflike shoes crafted from a dead reptile.
I cannot claim any kind of copyright on this shit, so use freely though with caution.
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Readers! Don’t forget – if I’ve missed something not listed above, feel free to suggest it in a comment! Give me the word and sense of the meaning, and you’ll co-star in the next Reader-Provided Rantionary Experience, now with a free link-back. Bacon!
June 1, 2013 at 09:04
These are always so damn funny!
June 1, 2013 at 11:16
And generally I use them for real.
June 1, 2013 at 09:05
Oh, man. Major Gastronomic Events are the worst.
June 1, 2013 at 11:16
They are, especially when you are trapped away from porcelain.
June 1, 2013 at 14:20
Heaven forbid.
June 1, 2013 at 15:45
Amen.
June 1, 2013 at 09:40
The Gooch. If you don’t know what it means, look it up.
June 1, 2013 at 11:17
I’m guessing I know what that one means.
June 1, 2013 at 11:50
Hee hee
June 1, 2013 at 15:49
Exactly.
June 1, 2013 at 12:08
How about…
Gradeful-when you’ve had your fill of degrading bullshit
Grungenut-sweaty, dirty balls, often a result of wearing briefs; (-ing) scratching one’s grungenuts
June 1, 2013 at 15:49
Very good! Never heard of either… might modify the first, but thanks!
June 1, 2013 at 18:04
I made them up, all Shakespeare-like. Take and make as you please.
June 1, 2013 at 18:52
That’s the point – originality. Thanks!
June 1, 2013 at 13:09
Gerbil:
1 – Young people: “The train was packed with gerbils. School must have let out early.
2 – Someone who should be stuffed up someone else’s ass.
June 1, 2013 at 15:46
Wow. I’ll take that as a Reader Rantionary entry, Guapo. Awesome!
June 1, 2013 at 15:39
Hilarious. I spent 3 hours in grabass, fiddlefucking meetings yesterday morning, and one hr in the afternoon. How one gets any actual work done is one of life’s great mysteries.
I totally would have pegged you as a boxers dude…or a total freedom one.
June 1, 2013 at 15:45
Yes, the meetings conundrum baffles me – “let’s sit and talk about what we should do instead of actually doing it.”
June 1, 2013 at 16:56
Exactly, or the let’s have a meeting to discuss next week’s meeting, meeting. Fuck that Shit. Let’s just get our Shit together and have one fucking meeting, already. I’m always the closest one to the door, in order to escape. One hour of my day could have been saved by saying, “do your fucking job”. I’m a mean one.
June 1, 2013 at 18:51
You might be mean, but I’d hire you for certain. I’m tired of being the only shithammer in my office.
June 1, 2013 at 19:33
Thanks, we could rule the world…heh.
June 1, 2013 at 21:48
No, no “we.” I will become the absolute ruler.
June 1, 2013 at 21:09
But..do I need to move?
June 1, 2013 at 21:49
Move what? Loaded question…
June 1, 2013 at 16:02
Hey! Wha’ happen to “goram”? Thought we agreed that one was going in – for the “WTF” factor, if nothing else!
Also, the acronym “GDMFSOB”. Let’s you get a lot of expletives out in a short period of time, especially in writing.
June 1, 2013 at 18:50
“Goram” is not something I felt like I created. I don’t want to get in a copyright battle with Joss Whedon. He’s awesome and would automatically win.
June 1, 2013 at 18:57
And, the reason you couldn’t have added it and attributed appropriately WAS …. ? 😀
June 1, 2013 at 21:45
PTSD, motherfucker. Duck!
June 2, 2013 at 20:08
Um … goose? :p
June 2, 2013 at 22:33
No.
June 3, 2013 at 17:55
Well, then, should I take a gander?
June 4, 2013 at 04:54
I guess.
June 4, 2013 at 17:44
Or were you trying to answer that eternal question, “If a ram is a sheep and an ass is a mule, why is a ram in the ass a goose?”?
Or were you just making sauce? 😉
June 4, 2013 at 19:32
I have no idea, as usual.
June 1, 2013 at 17:22
<–Gector, fully admitting it.
June 1, 2013 at 18:52
Me too, yes. Trekkie, unrepentant fan of boobs.
June 2, 2013 at 01:22
I recognize grudgefuck, it’s very similar to mourningfuck – coitus closely following the death of someone close to one of the participants.
June 2, 2013 at 06:50
Benze, that’s kinda creepy but I get it. It’s human nature to reaffirm life in those moments. Is this a submission for reader words?
June 2, 2013 at 22:56
These terms sound so creative, that they sound original.
June 2, 2013 at 23:59
Well LMC they pretty much are.
June 4, 2013 at 15:33
I love “GynoGuy.” That’s the perfect phrase for those types. They make me want to punch them.
June 4, 2013 at 17:24
Don’t they, though?
June 5, 2013 at 09:36
I like grudgefuck…. and I guess I like the actual word, too.
June 5, 2013 at 09:39
Uhm, now don’t we all?
June 5, 2013 at 11:00
Some people prefer a lighter approach to things and crying afterward and listening to heartbeats and what not and hey this was a great post and I’ll stop talking now.
June 5, 2013 at 11:55
Admittedly, you’re right about that too.
June 10, 2013 at 11:43
Gashat See Miss R’s Mother in Law Number One. Last seen gawking in Brooklyn near Avenue G
Loving your dictionary Rant. Keep ’em coming.
June 10, 2013 at 12:06
Got it! Awesome!