Rantionary: “G” Is For…
Yet another installment of my ongoing explainer/dictionary of creative ways to employ or destroy the English language. By now you’ve likely noted that some of these terms appear in regular dictionaries. Then again, if you’re smart enough to notice that shit, you’re also bright enough to realize I rarely feel obliged to adhere to those and therefore wield them more freely. Sort of like preferring boxers over briefs. Before you ask: boxers, because freedom.
Onward with the exploration of the letter G:
Gastronomic event: (n) A purging of the digestive tract characterized by spewing vomit from both one’s nose and mouth simultaneously. Should this occurrence elevate to a Major Gastronomic Event, then three bodily orifices are involved, and a major choice is implied.
Gector: (n) A geek who possesses both magnitude and direction. Syn.: UberNerd, BrainRants.
Goober: (n) A person with the intellect of a potted plant who is of no harm to him- or herself, or to others.
Grab-ass: (n) An adult game characterized by stupidity, pointlessness, and extreme time-wasting. Syn.: Fucking around, fiddle fucking; (adj) To describe something as stupid, pointless, and a waste of time. Ex.: “This meeting is some amateur-hour, grab-ass bullshit.”
Grudgefuck: (n) Coitus whose pure animalistic enthusiasm leaves furniture moved or broken; (v) to engage in angry but satisfying copulation.
Gription: (n) That which allows you to run on wet grass in sneakers, hold wiggling infant humans, or save oneself by retaining control of the bar of soap in a prison shower scenario.
GynoGuy: (n) A straight human of the male gender who has taken ‘metrosexual’ beyond the point of being acceptable, characterized by obviously-frosted tips involving hair gel and spray, shaved chest, sculpted eyebrows, fruity mannerisms and pointy, elflike shoes crafted from a dead reptile.
I cannot claim any kind of copyright on this shit, so use freely though with caution.
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Readers! Don’t forget – if I’ve missed something not listed above, feel free to suggest it in a comment! Give me the word and sense of the meaning, and you’ll co-star in the next Reader-Provided Rantionary Experience, now with a free link-back. Bacon!