There is nothing quite like waking up and realizing with your first movement that you have a crushing headache. This was me today as I flailed at my insistent alarm device, which is from Hell.
I don’t always gets headaches, but when I do they make up for the long stretches without them. Stay painful, my friend. In general, headaches for me come in two varieties: pesky and Jackhammer of Satan. Brief research tells me that in some ways headaches are a mystery since the brain cannot actually feel pain. This must be true because the five neurons I have could not possibly make my head hurt in any way.
Sometimes, my noggin likes to play with me and make me think I have the Jackhammer coming on, just to keep me on my toes. This morning was no exception. Unsure, I ate my Special Migraine Formula (SMF, because acronyms are cool) that an awesome Medic gave me the secret to on my first sabbatical in Afghanistan: Motrin and Tylenol in combination. So far, I’m seeing some relief. At least I can see. Because we all have a need for schadenfreude to some extent, here’s an explanation of my RantAches:
Pesky Nuisance Headache: Pain is pain, and we all endure some in our laps around the Sun. These I either endure or eat a couple of aspirins. Generally, the Pesky pain is caused by colds or flu, dehydration, brown liquor in excess, sinuses or physics. By physics, I mean some elusive change in the seasons, usually spring and fall, that generate some pressure and wind change or realignment of the Earth’s magnetic field. Call it a disturbance in The Force, or better yet, whatever does a damn-damn on my sinuses.
Jackhammer of Satan: This is beyond pain and seeps into the psychic damage realm. Normally these start with a dull split in the top of my head and quickly pounce down to the back of my head. From there, pressure builds and reality shifts off into some realm of Suck that I can barely endure. If I catch the Jackhammer quickly with a hearty dose of SMF, all will be well. If not, I’m doomed to three to four straight days of pounding, blinding pain that I can only describe as some alien in my head, squeezing my cerebellum and about to explode outward, coating people around me with vaporized skull bits. What causes these is a mystery.
At the moment, all seems well. The next few hours will determine my fate…