Rantionary: “F” Is For…

I am quite certain that is particular section of the Rantionary is of particular interest to everyone out there who subjects themselves to my posts each day, and for obvious reasons. The letter F is clearly a gold mine of Rantalicious words, all of them unfit for use in even impolite company, and some of which could get your ass beat down hard when used in bars frequented by burly dudes with lots of body hair. In fact, one word alone – you know which one – is so versatile that I’ve been known to utter entire paragraphs using only five or six other words, the rest being the f-bomb and variants thereof.

Without any further delay, my choicer selections beginning with F:

Fiddlefuck: (v) To waste time in a frivolous, stupid manner. What teenagers do to fill time when putting off a distateful but inevitable activity such as homework, chores or bathing.

FUBAR: (adj) Military acronym with strong cross-over utility meaning Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition. The condition in which a thing or person is rendered completely useless, nearly completely disassociated, possibly leaving only small gobs of sticky, smoking meat scattered around the sizzling crater.

Fuck Chunks: (adj) A term of positive inclination that implies awesomesauciness due to the inherent goodness of fuck coming in large, thick, heavy chunks.

Fucktard: (n) A portmanteau word that summarizes the epithet, “Fucking Retard.”  Fucktards may be found everywhere, generally licking windows and screwing up your day in every way possible.  Not an insult to the genuinely mentally handicapped except insofar as fucktards bring shame upon the species in general.

Fuckwit: (n) Another portmanteau indicating a witless person of the extreme variety; someone whose wits you could give a fuck about.

Fuckery: (n) That which occurs when fucked-upedness happens; the general actions of a fucktard or fuckwit; activity which may render something FUBAR.

Fujazzle: (v) To dress up anything qualifying as fuckery with sparkles, rainbows or posing said fuckery with kittens, puppies or bunnies in order to make it marginally acceptable.  To put a pig in a dress, with lipstick.  To polish a turd.

Fustercluck: (n) Term for use in polite company implying the word ‘clusterfuck.’

As always, I cannot claim any kind of copyright on this shit, so use freely but with caution.

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Remember: As with “That Guy,” I’m taking suggestions for periodic RantReader suggested words!  Leave a comment with whatchoogot!


51 Responses to “Rantionary: “F” Is For…”

  1. But you can claim to be brilliant – because you are!

  2. Appropriate or not, I just texted my 16 year old son with the definition of Fiddlefuck, as in: you will wash the dishes when you get home like I asked you to yesterday and not Fiddlefuck around. Thanks 😛

  3. I heart F-words. This is like Sesame Street for grown ups.

  4. Melanie Says:

    Is there anything you can’t do with the f-word? Just combine it with the first or second syllable of any other word, and it become infinitely more awesome.

  5. Though not overly creative, I’m a big fan of you fucking fuck!. That and FUCK in all caps to emphasize exasperation coupled with a deep sigh.

  6. Now, now, you can NOT convince me that you are aware of the far-more socially acceptable F-words, frack and felgercarb. Unfortunately, use of the first might associate you with that hideous re-creation with Edward James Olmos, while the latter will cement your rep as REALLY old-school as led by Lorne Greene.
    “Flipping”, or more properly without the G, is also a nice sub-R-rated substitute, as in “What the flippin’ heck is going on?”.
    But you can’t beat the F-word for flexibility – a pronoun, verb, adjective, or adverb as you need! (And that concludes “Vile Verbology” for today. 😉 )

  7. whiteladyinthehood Says:

    Fuck really is a versatile word. (Fujazzle – that really cracked me the fuck up…gimme a sentence with that one, please)

  8. When I heard Fuck Chunks I immediately thought of rolphing – as in someone being so full of it, it has to come up in Fuck Chunks!

  9. What about ‘fujizzle’ which is what happens when she accidentally gets some in her eye?

  10. Fuckchunkery is puke to me. Your take is hilarious, though.

    FUBAR Use it all the time.

    Fujazzle…I will never look at cute little animals in the same way.

    Boo for censorship.

  11. As usual very entertaining. Saving this for future reference! lol

  12. I’d think that farting should be added to the F-word discussion

  13. I’m so overdue for camping out on your blog and enjoying your posts, buddy. And I’m so glad I did, because the F word is one I’m quite fond of. I like your variants here very much—FUBAR of course being an all-time classic. Fuckwad is a favorite of mine as well, and a friend of mine recently introduced me to the word “fuckstick,” which I love too.

    • You’re always welcome here in the Rantagon, Weebs, never fear. And fuck me for not including ‘fuckstick,’ which apparently I use so much that I overlooked it… forest/trees… dammit. You’ll get credit for suggesting that in the Reader edition!

  14. I second Madame Weebles. Must admit I never use the F section of the Rantionary in public. However, in the privacy of my car or home, when confronted with either other drivers or inanimate objects that will not cooperate, fuckwad is my go-to curse of choice.

    Shouted at the top of my lungs. Repeatedly.

  15. […] BrainRants – He makes sure I don’t drink bad Sunkist. It’s nice to know someone has my back. […]

  16. I’d like to thank you for the efforts you’ve put in penning this blog.
    I am hoping to check out the same high-grade content from you in the future as well.
    In truth, your creative writing abilities has inspired me to get my own website now 😉

    • Well, thank you BotBitch, I have to admit I am pretty fucking awesome. You have fun with that pretend website, and leave me the fuck alone.

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