Murphy’s Laws of Combat – Part One

Being home briefly in some ways is a good thing.  Because beer, mainly, and because Jack, but also because bandwidth.  I’ve ranted poetic before on the limitations of what’s available to me over in The Suck, and being back in the U.S. is a lot like visiting heaven, on a comparison-basis.  Anyway, I tooled around my blogroll and stumbled upon a great post by Archon, which you should read.  That gave me the idea for this short series to occupy daily posts while I’m ranting from the U.S.

We all know Murphy and his Laws.  He did do some for combat, and while the best lists I found had upwards of 150, I’ll summarize the best ones for you here:

Friendly fire isn’t.  Very true.  Very, very true.  The corollary to this explains that it is always far more accurate than enemy incoming fire.

If it’s stupid but it works, it isn’t stupid.  What else can I possibly say about this gem?

Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.  True – this person will usually go and do something odd, or something that attracts the enemy’s attention.  Worse, you’ll have to help.

Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.  True statement.  Some parts have been made by Mattel, in fact.

If your attack is going really well, it’s an ambush.  This is because the enemy wants you exactly where he can best kill you.  They’ll do everything in their power to facilitate that.

There is no such thing as a perfect plan.  You can identify how perfect the plan is by the thickness of it when printed.  Power Point will be involved.  Also, don’t forget the important corollary to this:

No plan ever survives initial contact.  Why?  Because the enemy gets a vote.

The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.  I cannot remember a week in the past twenty-one years of service that I have not thought this or said it out loud.

The easy way is always mined.  Always avoid the things that go ‘boom’ unexpectedly.

If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in a combat zone.  Sad but true.  I’ve waited years for the invasion of Cancun or possibly one of those touristy Caribbean islands.

No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.  I’ve generally found this to be true, sort of.  Also, don’t forget the corollary-

No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.  Pretty Toy Soldiers aren’t killers.

Stay tuned for more!

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42 Responses to “Murphy’s Laws of Combat – Part One”

  1. Wisdom! I love these. And I’m obvs not a soldier or anything like it. Thank god…

  2. It is really never true what you see in the movies. 😛

    enjoy u’re vacay 🙂

  3. we have a saying in my house…”Stupid Hurts”. Stupid never works. Ever.

    • True, but that applies to things that remain stupid after doing them. I think the point of the MLoC above was that something might seem stupid but then you discover it works… total win! And no longer stupid! I think.

  4. whiteladyinthehood Says:

    Good post! (Archon is going to be so excited) I’m glad your home even if it is for a short time – It’s good to have your evil presence around again. And since you mentioned, Jack, you should try one of the Jack Daniels steak marinades…they come in a bag and are de-fucking-licious.

  5. Thanx for the reference and link. Love your new gravatar, but wonder why, and why now, and whether it violates any stupid reg. You could volunteer for humanitarian relief to Goderich, ON. It suffered a decent tornado last year. Show up in August. It’s got lots of white sand beach, more clean water than Kansas ever saw….and it’s only an hour from here. I’d bring Canadian beer, but American Bacon.

  6. Your Murphy’s Laws of Combat remind me of the 70 maxims quoted by Schlock Mercenary. See some of them here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schlock_Mercenary#The_Seventy_Maxims_of_Maximally_Effective_Mercenaries

  7. These are terrific. “The enemy gets a vote.” Applies to so many things…

  8. Ha, ha! And yes, simple things are hard!

  9. Great list of General Life Maxims, Rants (with a bit of noun- and adjective-tweaking, of course)!

  10. “No foxhole is ever deep enough”. “If they finally send you transport, especially armoured, WALK.” “Mines can ruin anyone’s day – they’re equal opportunity PITAs.” And for you tankers (and anybody else who lives by a machine), “The part that breaks is the one out of stock. And universal-fit parts never are.” 😀

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