Rantionary: “C” Is For…

Here’s the third pitch in my ongoing series examining the choicer terms I have been known to either say or use here in my Rantisphere. Third time being a charm, I do have a PSA up front here to beef up my opening paragraph – there’s one word here for the letter C you won’t see here, and you can figure out which one I’m talking about. If you’re still lost, your hint is that it’s the ‘nuclear option’ to be used when you want to completely piss off a woman and get yourself nuked out of existence.  Even I am not that stupid.

On with this installment, inflicted by the letter C:

Crackhead: (n) A person whose chronic stupidity indicates that they abuse substances regularly. Unlike retardation, this condition is not permanent. However, the crackheadedness will naturally manifest itself only at the time at which this person should be clear-headed.

Craptain Obvious: (n) A Captain Obvious who, due to some mental limitation or other personality defect, only points out the shittiest things that are readily apparent about the situation at hand or the thing in question.

Confusement: (n) The condition of being totally lost and confused. Similar to confusion but of a moderately higher degree and due to attributes inherent to the individual experiencing the confusement.

Cockblock: (n) A douchebag who prevents you from enjoying virtually anything positive, happy, or pleasureable. In the Rantisphere, this has the same connotation as the strict definition as applies to sex but shifted to encompass activities not related to intercourse.

Cranio-rectal inversion: (n) A condition where one’s head, or more importantly one’s brain is temporarily performing a function other than that which it was designed for.  The ensuing swappage will consistently produce results of an odorous and tainted quality until the condition is recto-fied.

Crapella: (n) A mode of singing without musical instrument accompaniment and where the singer’s voice is a danger to self or others. Ex.: “Rants is drunk and singing a crapella in the shower again, cover the childrens’ ears.”

As always, I cannot claim any kind of copyright on this shit, so use freely but with caution.

** My thanks to Urban Dictionary for some definition assists and help with letters you hate getting in Scrabble.


30 Responses to “Rantionary: “C” Is For…”

  1. Craptain- might be the best term I have ever heard…thank you oh captain my craptain!

  2. There is a positive surplus of cranio-rectal types in the office, they can’t think for shit.

  3. I am loving this little instructive posts! Confusement and CRI might just become new favourites in my personal vocabulary.

    Oh, I have a lovely word you might like for your “Q” page, permission to email it your way for inspection??

  4. Had to readjust my Depends reading this one!

  5. “Cockamamie” is a good generation-transitional word. Older folks will accept it as non-obscene, but it allows younger generations to throw out that orally-pleasing (pardon the pun) “cock” sound while still being permitted in polite company. Properly pronounced, you can also slip “caca” into the mix, adding in that wonderful fecal reference while still remaining allegedly PG-13. (Hey, what other word could you use, that allows YOU to say “cock” AND a word for “shit” , to a superior officer who could exile your ranty backside to, say, Outer Mongolia? 😉 )

    • On the bright side, if that does happen, he could just retire and emigrate for his new career in Mongolian Polo that he seemed so keen on.
      Though I think in that part of the world, they use a yak as the ball…

      • Shouldn’t he learn to play croquet, for “C”?
        Personally, I’d shoot for him to get exiled to the DEW line. I have enough friends in the military in both Alaska and Canada that I could get him kidnapped and mailed (postage due, for the Canucks and their horrific postage rates 😉 ) back down to here, where I could conceal him in the Amish community until they dropped the charges. (Mind you, with ‘Rants propensity for cussing, I’d have to crazy-glue his lips shut!)

      • A goat. They use a dead goat. Sorry John. I did a post on this…

    • You put way too much thought into that.

  6. It’s nice to know that in your world, cranio-rectal inversion is a temporary thing…

  7. whiteladyinthehood Says:

    You sing in crapella, huh? That was funny as hell. Don’t feel bad, I sing in crapella, too…when I sing – my dogs start howling..

  8. When I saw the title of this I admit I got a bit nervous, but you are a wise, wise man, Rants.
    Craptain Obvious may become a regular party of my vocabulary now.
    I’m surprised you didn’t have “craptastic” thrown in – it just seems fitting with the excrement trend you have going here. 🙂

  9. Thank you, thank you for not using the “c” word too often used to put down women! Considering the amount of fecal matter you have to breathe I was surprised there was no “caca” in your C list.

  10. To me the “c” word is passe. If a man wants to thoroughly offend me he’s going to have to be a hell of a lot more innovative and intelligent in his insults than that. Just sayin….

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