Did You Just Say That Out Loud? #7

Here’s the latest edition of “Shit I’ve Actually Said Out Loud.” Yep, I have actually said or sent these over email to someone at some point. Some have met with great responses, others not so much. This should be published on the first of November, so hopefully this scheduling thing works out well. Incidentally, I read over these and I’d have to say this is the “Angry Edition.”

Here you go:

“Would you like me to send you a membership card for this?”

“That is an interesting fact but it is not relevant to the discussion.”

“I’m not pissed. It’s just the way my face hangs on my skull.”

“I really understand. I have the scars to prove it.”

“Eat my fucking underwear!”

“Did your parents have children that lived?”

“Fuck me until my o-ring bleeds down to my ankles.”

“Who in the Sam fuck are you, and what the fuck do you want?”

“That sounds like puppies and glitter-covered bunnies in a field of flowers… WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TELLING ME?”

“Do push-ups until I hurl.”

“You can French kiss my asshole, motherfucker.”

Keepin’ on keepin’ on…

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65 Responses to “Did You Just Say That Out Loud? #7”

  1. Yes, this is definitely the Angry Edition.

  2. I have to tell you – I was watching an episode of Switched at Birth & guess what they said on the show – Awesomesauce! They said it twice! I thought of you right away because of your made up words

  3. I’m going to try a few of these today…I think these kinds of things a lot, I just don’t usually say them out loud. Maybe I’ll practice first with e-mails. I’ll either feel better or get fired…

  4. *reaching for pen* NO way I’d remember all of these….

  5. Is it nice to be able to say these things?

    As a civilian, these are things I often think in my work environment, but stating them out loud could pose a threat to my employment. So I have to run a mental filter between my brain and my mouth. How many times would I like to say, “yes, I see your point, and I still think you’re full of shit,” or “You dumbfuck dipshit asshole motherfucker, the best part of you ran down your Daddy’s leg.”

    If I were to use one of yours, I like “French kiss my asshole.” It has a nice ring to it. I’ll probably find myself thinking that one today!

  6. Yep, I’ve used several of these.
    I’d say “great minds” and all that, but my shrink make take issue with it…

  7. whiteladyinthehood Says:

    Dang, Mr.Evil Satan! (I hope Miss Dot don’t see this one today…she just might go old-school and bust out with, Ya’ll mothafucka’s roun’ here need some Jesus)

  8. so how many push ups did he do? And I love the membership card! I want a Rants Membership card!

  9. mkultra76 Says:

    I think I am stealing that “Who in the Sam Fuck are you…” line to use the next time the phone rings, in hopes that is one of the myriad political calls I keep getting this close to the election. But I have to be careful…the last time I picked up the phone and screamed, “What do you want?” it turned out to be my son’s Boy Scout Patrol Leader. Oops.

  10. These are brilliant! I wish I could use some of these at work meetings but HR would probably have a fit… Keep ’em coming, Rants! And so glad you’re on this side of the halfway mark.

  11. Um .. I’m intrigued by the “o-ring” one, especially the link between you being buggered and the presence of said bearing seal. But I think I’m too terrified of what the answer might be.
    And when you get back, you and I are gonna have to sit down and work on your emotional expression, young man. You have GOT to quit holding back your true feelings- you’re gonna hurt yourself! 😀

  12. I’m always impressed by people who can come up with such things so quickly and easily… You’ve got my respect.

  13. Maybe I should really study your list for the next time someone ticks me off. Best I came up with lately was, “Screw off”.
    Be safe…………….

  14. Actually somebody did that to me, she goes “you have a point but you are irrelevant”

    as I sat there open mouthed, I can think of a hundred million ways of starting the world apocalypse in that meeting.

    yup I was near to the point of retorting “did your parents have children that lived?, I’m sure their utmost dream is to disown you” but, trying to become human, I closed my mouth, held my breath, count to ten, and sang in my head
    … your’e a shit, your’e a shit,
    if a farts got face, then your’s is it.

    haha I love this collection.

  15. Shimoniac Says:

    I am not usually one to go all ranty on people. Not my style, I tend more towards laid-back and passive-aggressive. However, at work this week I said, “Do you have a case of `Give A Shit’ in the back? Could you bring me some? I’m all out.” For which I was awarded a deer in the headlights blank stare of shock.
    Later that same day, a co-sufferer stated how he was surprised that a colleague could breathe with his head so far up the stupidvisor’s ass. I replied that it made a refreshing change from when his head was up his own ass.

  16. I find myself saying the second one a lot lately. I find it’s much more polite that the original, “Shut the fuck up and let me finish what I was saying.”

  17. Oh, I needed that laugh today! You manage to say out loud what we’d all love to (but we can’t because we need to stay employed, etc.). Just thinking about saying them relieves some tension, though! I forwarded to my husband who added his own responses (not repeatable)!
    Hope all is well Over There!

  18. Well, fuck me sideways and call me Baloo, someone who likes the word “fuck” as much as I do 🙂

  19. SURPRISE! Happy Veterans’ Day, you ranty old cuss, you! And though I’ve said so elsewhere, thank you for all you do, and .. well .. just for being YOU. 😉
    You may now return to your regularly scheduled chaos, already in progress. 😀

  20. Happy Veterans/Remembrance Day Brain! I will think of you even more often today & thank you for every thing you do.

  21. Ahh that was a breath of fresh ass… uhh I mean air. Thanks for the chuckles.

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