Watch This!

Looking for a cool video I found on the interwebs?  Sorry, go away.  Perhaps a self-made crapumentary?  No, not here.  Some kind of awesome porn, DIY or otherwise?  Fuck off, I can’t afford the wide-angle lens.

No, this isn’t about anything you can watch.  It is about my watch.  The heavy, silver thing that rides around on my left wrist.  It has some black parts, and the middle is gold, with dots that glow in the dark.  There’s a small window that has digital numbers.  I stare at it a lot, attempting to divine meaning.

It all started around 2007-ish, but back up to 1988.  My mom, bless her cotton socks, was sad that I was about to launch out into the real Army… sort of, after college.  She bought me an Ironman in a Walgreens to soothe herself as moms will do.  It was likely in the top three investments she ever made, because that watch finally rotted off my wrist seven years later.  I bought another, and that that lasted for ten more years.  I tried a series of cheaper watches for a while, one after the other, with little success.  RantFact:

Fact: BrainRants is one of those fucked up people who can kill a cheap watch with his aura.

I decided that I could, most of the time, reasonably be considered a grownup.  Because of this fact, I needed a grown up watch.  I picked the one I have on, ditched the rubber buckle-band, and added a snazzy metal thing that I have to shrink my fist down to get the band over.  It has a clasp thing that provides me endless entertainment.

Anyway, this trooper of a watch survives my aura for a year or so.  When I deployed to Afghanistan the first time, it rode in with me.  Naturally, five months into the trip, the battery died.  Nobody in Kandahar wears watches, and there’s a reason.  I’ll give you one guess.

Flash forward to this deployment, and five months in… no, the battery didn’t die.  The sharp-as-fuck spring-loaded thingy that holds the band on bent after I… got caught on something.  Anyway, I successfully used a multi-tool and my file set to fix the band, but the springy-finger-death-pin was fucked.  Luckily, for a mere $5, I got a brand new one.  My grownup watch is back on my wrist, taking a licking, and continuing to tick.

It tastes funny, though.

24 Responses to “Watch This!”

  1. I don’t wear watches anymore. Like most I just use my cell phone, however my 15 year old son loves them…which I find funny…because it seems like it should be opposite.

  2. And now you know why I carry a pocket watch instead. Though I recently found my old watch I wore in junior high and high school – still working! Bought at Sears, so that might need to be your path. 😉

  3. Maybe you should put some salt & pepper on it.

  4. I like my watch a lot, but apparently I do not succeed in using it correctly… I always seem to think it can slow down, or speed up or something. Not true. Just sayin’. Mine is made from black leather, with a black clock and a touch of small diamonds. Fake diamonds, that is. If I don’t wear it, it feels like my day hasn’t begun yet.

  5. Is Mongolian porn cheaper over there? Is it time to go watch some?

  6. I had to give up on wearing a watch because I was always up to my elbows in chicken. Once I got out of the habit of wearing one, I could never get used to wearing one once we rejoined civilization. The first thing we did was get cell phones & like the younger generation I now depend on my cell phone for the time. Hubby can not live without his watch. If he gets out of the apt. without it, he’ll come all the way back to get it. He goes through bands a lot though – he likes the velcro ones.

  7. I wear a watch with a dial – too old school for digital.
    I have a nice heavy waterproof one that winds itself when I walk. No battery needed!

    If it’s waterproof, have you considered soaking it in chicken broth overnight to improve the taste? I rub ground m&ms on mine every morning…

  8. Back in my senior year of HS, I purchased a wonderful beautiful fantastically awesome watch – the first of its kind – a Casio scientific calculator watch! Yes, it actually had functions of sine and cosine and tangents! It was completely awesome!

    Unfortunately, I wore it to boot camp. And, on the first day of the obstacle course, I slipped while climbing that fucking rope cargo net and ripped all the little plastic buttons right off the front of it. My beautiful watch… destroyed! I should have left it at home.

    Fortunately, as it turned out, I had little need of mathematics where I was going, because I had elected to go in open contract. After learning I would be a grunt for the next four fucking years, I bought a G-shock, thinking that might survive.

    I went through four of them before I finally went metal. Fuck plastic.

  9. whiteladyinthehood Says:

    That was a nice post! I can definitely see you being a ‘watch’ man, since you are proud to be an on~time person. (I’ll be late to my own funeral)
    —The sharp-as-fuck spring-loaded thingy that holds the band on bent after I… got caught on something. (what did you get caught on?)

  10. I’m getting the sense that we shouldn’t ask too many questions about this post, such as what you got caught on that broke the watch in the first place. Suffice it to say, you must be hard on watches if they only live for a year at best! I’m amazed that you were able to replace parts over there.

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