Looking for a cool video I found on the interwebs? Sorry, go away. Perhaps a self-made crapumentary? No, not here. Some kind of awesome porn, DIY or otherwise? Fuck off, I can’t afford the wide-angle lens.
No, this isn’t about anything you can watch. It is about my watch. The heavy, silver thing that rides around on my left wrist. It has some black parts, and the middle is gold, with dots that glow in the dark. There’s a small window that has digital numbers. I stare at it a lot, attempting to divine meaning.
It all started around 2007-ish, but back up to 1988. My mom, bless her cotton socks, was sad that I was about to launch out into the real Army… sort of, after college. She bought me an Ironman in a Walgreens to soothe herself as moms will do. It was likely in the top three investments she ever made, because that watch finally rotted off my wrist seven years later. I bought another, and that that lasted for ten more years. I tried a series of cheaper watches for a while, one after the other, with little success. RantFact:
Fact: BrainRants is one of those fucked up people who can kill a cheap watch with his aura.
I decided that I could, most of the time, reasonably be considered a grownup. Because of this fact, I needed a grown up watch. I picked the one I have on, ditched the rubber buckle-band, and added a snazzy metal thing that I have to shrink my fist down to get the band over. It has a clasp thing that provides me endless entertainment.
Anyway, this trooper of a watch survives my aura for a year or so. When I deployed to Afghanistan the first time, it rode in with me. Naturally, five months into the trip, the battery died. Nobody in Kandahar wears watches, and there’s a reason. I’ll give you one guess.
Flash forward to this deployment, and five months in… no, the battery didn’t die. The sharp-as-fuck spring-loaded thingy that holds the band on bent after I… got caught on something. Anyway, I successfully used a multi-tool and my file set to fix the band, but the springy-finger-death-pin was fucked. Luckily, for a mere $5, I got a brand new one. My grownup watch is back on my wrist, taking a licking, and continuing to tick.
It tastes funny, though.