Did You Just Say That Out Loud? #5

Just so you know, this I composed in April, and scheduled this as a post using the freaky schedule feature. I collected this stuff up over months and made a series of autoposts to keep y’all entertained while I’m gone.

Here you are:

“Here, Dude. Please kill me with this. Now.” (offering something pointy like a ballpoint pen)

“Okay, let me call him and put the electrodes to his balls.”

“I am about to head up to the top of a tower with a bag of cheese sandwiches and a high-powered rifle.”

“How about you stop acting like a little bitch for about a minute.” (Said to a guy)

“Yes, you’re so special and unique. Just like everyone else here.”

“Don’t tell me – I’m the only one here who is fucked up.”

“You’re grossly overestimating the fuck that I’m not giving about this right now.”

“That idea just shorted out my remaining functional neuron. Thanks.”

“You’ve probably been here long enough now… what do you think of our planet?”

“That is awesome. I just came a little hearing that.”

So there you go for September.

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24 Responses to “Did You Just Say That Out Loud? #5”

  1. hehe… geesh.. now how can you go on when you’ve got no more functional neurons? probably dribble saliva or somethin.. 🙂

  2. What’s funny is I also set this comment up with WordPress’ new autocomment feature. You probably don’t know about it yet because your overseas protecting us.

  3. There are a lot of gross estimations out there…

  4. I use the schedule feature too, but I dont tell my readers. That way they think I’m still active, when I’m out and about.

  5. I know you’ve used the cheese sandwiches one before. I tend to prefer “So why should I give a shit about this?” when someone is rambling on. And I’ve been known to throw out the interruption of “SHH! Hear that? That was my interest, dying” when expletives aren’t recommended.
    By the by, I have become rather fond of your planet. It’s the human species I’m still recommending for extermination. With a few notable exceptions, present company DEFINITELY included. (Hey, those interstellar trips are LONG – we need some kind of entertainment! 😉 )

  6. I’ve said an asful lot of these.
    Not he cheese sandwich/rifle one though. They get sensitive if you say that out loud…

  7. whiteladyinthehood Says:

    These were great, ole Ranty one. I’ve had a really crappy last two weeks…I’m on a roll….I wish I could have said – “How about you stop acting like a little bitch for about a minute ” out loud this week! (and NOT to a guy)

  8. Hand the person a bell & “Please give me a ring when you start talking about something I might find remotely interesting.”

  9. I may have to borrow some of these… They like us to be brutally honest at work, so long has HR isn’t around to hear it.

  10. Shimoniac Says:

    I head this at work yesterday. I immediately thought of you. “Shut up or I’ll beat you like the red-headed stepchild I never wanted.” I looked at him and asked if I had heard correctly. I then ventured the opinion that he had a disturbingly precise comparison.

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