Freak Ass Spam #4

I’ve noted that inbound spamments seem to cycle through completely uninteresting and then ramp up into one hit after another of sick, twisted, and bizarre electronic belly-button lint that just waits in line for you to pick and examine. There was a good two weeks of nothing special in particular a while back. Then the lint started accumulating yet again.

Here are the choicer selections:

“Alternative therapy” – Yeah I clearly need me some therapy, alternative or not. I might ought to want some of this shit. Because I have issues and clearly need some help. Yo.

“How to get rid of bed bus” – And here I thought bed bugs would be bad. Imagine having to get rid of a bus lodged in your mattress. Like the insect counterpart, I’m guessing the ones in the deep crevices are the most difficult to get rid of. Hopefully they make a spray for that.

“Micro Niche Finder” – Micro niches, eh? This sounds sort of dirty on one hand, but I guess this perfectly describes ‘Mongolian porn.’

“Referencement” – Awesome word. It’s mine now. It’s on a shelf in my head next to ‘confusement’ and ‘befucklement.’

“Colon cleanse” – And from a site peddling this aloe-vera based product. Eew. Who in their right mind would pump vegetable goo up into their… fuck – just go away.

This three-fer: “UFO sightings,” “UFO news,” and “Aliens” from a site devoted to the topic of unexplained shit. I think I’d rather get Mongolian porn references. Now I can get spamments from outer space. I better have a category on their site too, since I think I’m pretty unexplained. Micro niche, anyone?

…Followed by this two-fer, same web site: “Ghosts,” and “Ghost stories.” No thanks, I’m all growed up now and now I have far more shit in my head that is much, much scarier.

This gem from ‘Kenny Myren’: “You should be ashamed for voting for someone that would not release any personal records. He is a socialist muslim bent on destroying our country. You need to get off the koolaid.” Although I have no idea to whom ‘Kenny’ is referring, I can’t say I’d ever vote for any Socialist Muslim. Would you? I also thought Kool-Aid was nasty as a kid.

Natural tonsil stones treatment: What? You can get tonsil stones? Wow, I had no idea. Damn good thing I no longer have those, so I don’t have to worry about tonsil stones.

Academyforattorneys.com: That simply scares the shit out of me… an institution to train attorneys. We’re doomed.

Physics equations: Of all the things I’ve ever received spamments – or spam for that matter – this is the first nerdspamment. Yay.

Forum coma: What? How do I interpret this shit? Is this like a group coma, or what happens to you when you’re in a forum? And for that matter, why?

I can’t stop all of this, so what can I do but make posts from it?