Freak Ass Spam #4

I’ve noted that inbound spamments seem to cycle through completely uninteresting and then ramp up into one hit after another of sick, twisted, and bizarre electronic belly-button lint that just waits in line for you to pick and examine. There was a good two weeks of nothing special in particular a while back. Then the lint started accumulating yet again.

Here are the choicer selections:

“Alternative therapy” – Yeah I clearly need me some therapy, alternative or not. I might ought to want some of this shit. Because I have issues and clearly need some help. Yo.

“How to get rid of bed bus” – And here I thought bed bugs would be bad. Imagine having to get rid of a bus lodged in your mattress. Like the insect counterpart, I’m guessing the ones in the deep crevices are the most difficult to get rid of. Hopefully they make a spray for that.

“Micro Niche Finder” – Micro niches, eh? This sounds sort of dirty on one hand, but I guess this perfectly describes ‘Mongolian porn.’

“Referencement” – Awesome word. It’s mine now. It’s on a shelf in my head next to ‘confusement’ and ‘befucklement.’

“Colon cleanse” – And from a site peddling this aloe-vera based product. Eew. Who in their right mind would pump vegetable goo up into their… fuck – just go away.

This three-fer: “UFO sightings,” “UFO news,” and “Aliens” from a site devoted to the topic of unexplained shit. I think I’d rather get Mongolian porn references. Now I can get spamments from outer space. I better have a category on their site too, since I think I’m pretty unexplained. Micro niche, anyone?

…Followed by this two-fer, same web site:Ghosts,” and “Ghost stories.” No thanks, I’m all growed up now and now I have far more shit in my head that is much, much scarier.

This gem from ‘Kenny Myren’: “You should be ashamed for voting for someone that would not release any personal records. He is a socialist muslim bent on destroying our country. You need to get off the koolaid.” Although I have no idea to whom ‘Kenny’ is referring, I can’t say I’d ever vote for any Socialist Muslim. Would you? I also thought Kool-Aid was nasty as a kid.

Natural tonsil stones treatment: What? You can get tonsil stones? Wow, I had no idea. Damn good thing I no longer have those, so I don’t have to worry about tonsil stones. That simply scares the shit out of me… an institution to train attorneys. We’re doomed.

Physics equations: Of all the things I’ve ever received spamments – or spam for that matter – this is the first nerdspamment. Yay.

Forum coma: What? How do I interpret this shit? Is this like a group coma, or what happens to you when you’re in a forum? And for that matter, why?

I can’t stop all of this, so what can I do but make posts from it?


32 Responses to “Freak Ass Spam #4”

  1. I think I went to one of these forum comas. I can’t tell you what they talked about. It was so boring I fell asleep.

  2. oh no. I still have my tonsils… does this mean… *gasp* I may get .. tonsil stones?
    I seriously just read up on them after this post. call me El Dorko.
    My favorite is the bed bus.

  3. I’d like to see you go all Good Will Hunting and do some physics equations…

  4. It is good that you posed this. I have beeen looking around the interwebs for hours and have not noticed anything as iformative or wheel-written. But I noticed your not ugilizing your Google counters as effectively as you should. Go to this link to watch a donkey….

  5. Forum Coma is easy…it’s what happens when you watch MSNBC and/or CNN. As for Bed Bus, now I imagine Jerome Bettis lurking in the dark. I’m scared.

  6. whiteladyinthehood Says:

    Too funny (and I love your word – befucklement)

  7. I gotta say, I’m surprised you didn’t relate bed bus back to Mongolian porn…

  8. My favorite SPAM ever was ‘Blackraven (my email name) Bust Through walls with you Bigger Hard COCK!
    Ummm unless that stay in the Swedish hospital accomplished something that I (or any of the ex-husbands) never noticed noticed.
    Oh, and I’d avoid the bus for awhile if I were you…

  9. John Erickson Says:

    Tonsil stones, eh? Is that where the phrase “Check out the stones on that guy” comes from? Or are they stones migrated from your kidneys? EWWW!!!
    Please forward the physics equations, I’m always looking for a distraction from building a better battleship – or armed car. Thanks!

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