Even More, More Shit That I Do Not Get
What in the sam hell is going on in this freaktastic world? Really… I cannot read the news without being barraged by smut-tastic or pimptastic or something resembling a scandalous portrayal of what we mere humans endure on a day-to-day basis here on Earth. Right? Why should I be scared to take in the Syria update along with Iran’s nuclear holocaust threats because the sidebar stories are too horrific to stomach? I have a right to stress the hell out, people.
Here’s my fucking (f-word to throw off the Freshly Pressed Thought Police) thoughts on this tripe:
The Duggars: You’re all really and truly sad because you lost your 19th baby? I’m not saying dead babies are cool, but my reason tells me that Mama Duggar has finally got to be relieved that the fucking clown car that is her vagina has stopped spewing tiny, wrinkled wet humans.
Autism: Some fucking study links fat moms to having autistic kids. My take on this is: ‘when will you fuckers just admit that genetically, it’s a fucking crapshoot.’ Yeah, smoke up, hit the bong, drop tabs, and get banged like a screen door in a Kansas windstorm. That won’t make your kid fucked up at all. Shit happens. Given what I see at WalMart if this story is true, the United States will have an autistic President in only 10 years. Word!
Ricki Lake Looks Better With Age: Really? I’m not so sure. I am her age and trust me when I say that I’ve gone totally downhill after 28, adoption of the bald look taken into account. She looked better fat, honestly. Now same article – Sandra Bullock… okay, now we’re talking. Daaayum.
Apples Have A Virus: Ooooooh nooooo, Mr. Bill! Really? Five-hundred-thousand iUsers got this virus, and somehow it makes national headlines? All I have to say is, ‘Welcome to the mainstream, iComputerMaker. Fuck you too.‘ I say this because the C:\ drive-eating viruses that mom’s-basement-dwelling hackers develop that I have to hear about via my Army IT community contacts really suck ass… if they even know about it in advance.
Why Did The Band On The Titanic Play On?: Okay, I’ll speculate the easy answer: they had nothing better to do at the moment. Pretty simple. I hear they arranged the deck chairs on the way down.
America’s Decline: Yeah? Fuck you, assmunch. I don’t see it, and I seriously doubt anyone else does either except for the dickwad mainstream media types who cannibalistically feast on the carcasses of well-seasoned dead meat left in the public sun. Asswipes. You have an appointment with me in my basement room with no windows.
How To Hit A Nude Beach: Hmm, very tough propostion here in that tagline. I’m going to have to guess this: “What is, ‘naked,’ Alex?” Hopefully I just unconstipated someone’s brain jeopardy on this issue. I always go to nude beaches with nothing but a camera and extra battereries. Word, dog.
This is merely a minor sampling of what I see in the internet news providers’ content that makes me want to go out and strangle kittens while they squirm and act fucking cute. Bastards – thanks for ruining my day. Again.