AutoTopic: Lifetime Supply Of Candy – What Kind Do You Pick?

By now you all out there know of my tendencies when it comes to food – I like it, a lot. Therefore, this AutoTopic serving ought not surprise anyone very much. I’m definitely not surprised. What you might find mildly surprising is the fact that in truth, I am not much of a candy eater. Seriously. Stop laughing. Anyway, I thought this was quite appropriate to the new and improved commercial Easter we love here.

Given a choice between a another helping of a dinner favorite or some dessert in the form of candy, I’ll take the second helping 95% of the time. So for the other 5%, here’s my list of favorites:

Candy Corns – Why are these considered a Halloween candy? These kind of defy explanation because they have no flavor except for “sugar syrup” and are coated in wax, but this candy I will – no shit – not stop eating until the bag is empty or I am sugar-coma unconscious. Whichever comes first.

Cadbury Creme Eggs – I don’t know if these qualify as a candy or not. I don’t care. There’s something epic about a chocolate shell full of tasty snot-goo. If I could figure out a way to unscrew these like an Oreo and suck the sugary goo out, I’d never leave the house. Except to buy more Creme Eggs.

Whoppers (Malted Milk Balls) – This is another candy that if I have it, then either all of the package is going in me or none of it is going in me. Sometimes I will slow down long enough to nibble off the chocolate coating and then have a malty blast.

Junior Mints – [insert Homer Simpson drooly sound here] Mmmm… mints. I loves me some of anything mint, and these are powerfully minty. Truthfully, peppermint patties work equally well – I’m not a picky bitch.

Caramels – And just the basic, cellophane-wrapped variety, please. The difficulty in unwrapping the little bastards ensures I reach a frustration level before I become obese. Yes, I’ve tried just eating them with the wrapper and removing it from my mouth later like an olive pit. Not a good idea.

M&Ms – I love a candy that can let me indulge my OCD tendencies to sort and arrange by colors or patterns. There’s an order the colors must be eaten in. Plus, I get to eat. Finally, chocolate is always a big win.

Smarties – Now you know the secret behind my intelligence. Smarties do make me smarter. I like the sweet but fruity flavor, particularly the orange-colored ones that have a hint of childrens’ aspirin flavor. Like M&Ms, they let me indulge my OCD as well.

So that’s my lifetime candy supply list, though as I said, in reality the delivery truck wouldn’t have to be very big at all. Hmm… all this typing gave me a bad chocolate craving…

52 Responses to “AutoTopic: Lifetime Supply Of Candy – What Kind Do You Pick?”

  1. Great list.. what is it about candy corns and Whoppers that get us jonsing like a crack whore? I guess a candy whore in this case..

    I have a thing for Peppermint Patties (those little ones that can be eaten in one or two bites), Twix and mini Reese’s cups.

    When I was little my mom used to snatch all the Smarties out of my Halloween bag.

    Happy Easter.. 🙂

  2. Would this come with a dental plan?

  3. 1. Cadbury Cream Eggs
    2. Junior Mints
    3. Coconut M&Ms
    4. Chuckles

    Now I’m hungry. Happy Easter!

  4. Reeses Peanut Butter Cups – nuff said

  5. We have at leat 2 Costco sized bags of m&ms in the Ouse at all times. My husband has a consumption problem with them

  6. whiteladyinthehood Says:

    I love your humor. The part about the baby aspirin flavor…I’m still laughing…

  7. I don’t have much of a sweet tooth. Can I get a lifetime supply of meat?

  8. Easter Creme Eggs! I got ten of them on sale and am eating them one a week. Some of us Don’t have impulse control problems….with candy.

  9. John Erickson Says:

    I seem to remember hearing something about a place that makes chocolate-covered bacon. Just a thought.
    Peanut butter cups and Snickers. There’s something about peanut butter and chocolate that is just so …. RIGHT. M&Ms and 3 Musketeers work in a pinch, too.
    Used to love nonpareills (snowcaps), but somewhere along the line the formula changed. Don’t care for ’em anymore. C’est la vie.

  10. Candy Corn and Jelly Beans are SDD’s . . . Sugar Delivery Devices.

    Most of my favorites contain chocolate. Oh, who am I kidding . . . they ALL contain chocolate.

    And, now, I’m off to search for coconut M&M’s . . . in the white bag.

  11. In Canada our Smarties are like M & M’s except thinner & made with milk chocolate. They come in red, yellow, orange, light brown, dark brown, pink, blue, green. Our favorite thing as little girls was to lick the outside coating (which does come off in your hand), then use the red for lipstick, the green or blue or eye shadow & the pink for blush. So you’d see a bunch of “painted ladies” playing int he playground.
    I love Easter chocolate of any kind, especially Eggies or Mini Eggs, but cannot stomach Easter Creme Eggs.
    Bridge Mixture, Jelly Bellies, Malteasers, O Henry bars, Kit Kat Chunky bars, chocolate covered ju jubes feed my sin of gluttony!

  12. Freeze the Cadbury egg. Remove from wrapper. Carefully slice the top off of the egg. Let thaw. Slurp snot-goo out of egg. You’re welcome. And you need never leave the house. Two words. Mail. Order.

  13. This also made me make the ‘heh’ sound. I like to snap all the white tops off the candy corn and eat those first, and prefer the york which gives me the sensation of being on a cool crisp mountain top. skittle are also good for ocd, and I like licorice. That is what I like

  14. I forgot to say how much I like Riesen (dark chocolate caramel covered in dark chocolate) individually wrapped, but mmmmm mmmmmm good! But I also like regular caramel too & minty chocolate (even in ice cream).

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