Chillin’ With Mom

I’ve been enjoying some days here in Illinois with my Mom this week. As you know, I’m on leave before I head for Afghanistan and then have zero time off at all. Even better, my son is here with us, scooped up in St. Louis in a true military link-up operation.

I’ve related before the joys of spending time with Little Mama Rants. So far I’ve been stuffed full of fried chicken, baked spaghetti (a true cheesy comfort-food orgy of delicious), steak, and Mexican. All I can say is that I’m having trouble seeing right now because A) There’s food piled up in there that high, and B) the cholesterol is clouding my corneas. Yeah, I am so happy I could explode.

One regular feature of visiting Mama Rants is helping out. At what? Everything. The good news is I’ve addressed all the plumbing, structural, and other tough issues over the years. All that was really left for me at this point, for this visit, was to get her yard de-fucked after Winter. This is more work than anyone could really tell a 70+ year old lady to take care of on her own. It also keeps her off the ladder with the chain saw.

Two days ago had Rants, Mom Rants, and Rants Jr. out clearing the mounds of decaying leaves and shit out from under everything and spraying weeds down with Roundup. Roundup is simply the shiznit. Spray on Day 1. Wait patiently. Sweep away dead, desiccated weeds on Day 3 or so. Win! For the record, I pull the fuckers in planter beds and the yard, but growing between cracks, well, I’m not into self-torture and bleeding fingertips suck.

Yesterday I was tricked out in my best Carl Spackler attire – to include combat boots – mowing. Unlike my “lawn” (note ironic quotes) in Kansas, Mama Rants has some dark, rich soil here that essentially vomits up new grass nearly as fast as you mow it. Almost. Anyway, it took several walks to the mulch pile she has to empty the bag.

The highlight of the afternoon was the monthly tornado siren test. I’ll say that they sounded amazingly like the incoming artillery warnings in Kandahar. I managed to avoid an epic PTSD moment and kept pruning. The only other disturbing thing here are these funny little white things all over Mom’s house that go, “Pfffsht!” and spray out good-smell. Who would have thought?

Anyway, the steak for dinner made everything okay. By the time I leave, I suspect I’ll be shitting churned butter, but I’ll be happy. More importantly, so will Mama Rants.

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54 Responses to “Chillin’ With Mom”

  1. Damn nice son you’ve turned out to be! 😀 You sons in the military too?

  2. That’s lovely….make sure she gets an extra big hug before you head home!

  3. whiteladyinthehood Says:

    Little Mama Rants and Rants Jr. (that so made me smile) Glad you are enjoying yourself. Great post!

  4. I want Mama’s baked spaghetti recipe….or is it top secret?

    • Spaghetti, cooked + 3 cans of finely-diced tomatoes with juice + two Cracker Barrel bricks of sharp cheddar, chunked. Toss in a pan. Bake. Eat. Eat more.

  5. Megan Stephenson Says:

    Aww you have a son, I didn’t know this, I clearly do not pay attention ahaha and PLEASE be careful! your such a good son 🙂

  6. The Rants – title of a new sitcom!

  7. What a good boy! Glad you could depend some time with her and your kid!

  8. You are a good son.

  9. Every week should be that good.
    Rock on, BR.

  10. How is it that seeing moms is always the best? 🙂 Glad you’re enjoying the week of leave with some amazing food and family time!

  11. Always nice to go home, hmm? And steak absolutely makes everything better..

  12. I spend most of my trips home doing such things. I love the way Mom Rants sounds. The word combo, not your mom. I don’t know what she sounds like.

  13. Too Cool Rants! Sounds like a fab week. Family, Food and Festivities. Well, maybe not the whole yard thing.
    Be well and keep us all up to speed on your departure date.

    Damn, wish my mom hadn’t turned health nut almost-vegetarian 20 years ago -sigh-. Now when I visit it’s uncooked broccoli or eggplant with gluten free crap over the top.
    Well, not for me. She buys steak for the visit. Made her a chicken dijon in a rich cream sauce while I was there last year.
    Thought it would kill her, but Oh I KNOW she enjoyed it.

    Rant on my friend

  14. If you were dressed like Karl Spackler, I hope you broke out the plastique and declared war on varmints. (Oh, and there’s no cholesterol-laden food like Mom’s cholesterol-laden food, right?)

  15. Glad you had time to visit Mama Rants!

  16. Glad you had time for a visit before going overseas, even better with the kids! Got our eldest daughter & new son-in-law visiting for the weekend, so we’re making turkey dinner, yum!

  17. omg Rants! I know I’m terribly behind in my Rant-reading (and other blog reading, for that matter, not that I singled you out to not read!) due to not feeling ‘specially well and other lame excuses, but … Afghanistan?! Seriously, when do you leave? I miss you already and the thought of going without Rants and rants is, well, it sucks! Love your ribs recipe, btw.

  18. […] Chillin’ With Mom at BrainRants. I have yet to read a BR post that doesn’t make me convulse with laughter. This one is no exception. […]

  19. 1jaded1 Says:

    Where about in IL (without being too specific)? I live in a NW suburb of Chicago.

  20. Ohio? Somehow I pictured you in a southern state like North Carolina or Louisiana. Funny how we come up with preconceived notions, huh?

  21. So where are you at now? I see you replying to some of the comments. Are you almost home?

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