AutoTopic: What Does Wealth Mean To You?

This AutoTopic sat in the drafts for a while. Of course, the recent Mega Million lottery thing sparked some thought on the topic, and sort of enabled me to think about the subject beyond dreams of having piles and piles of all the bacon I want.

A quick check of the internet tells me that lottery sonofabitch got up to $656 million dollars before some lucky schmuck pulled down the winning numbers. Naturally, you have to sit and imagine a better life enabled by a pile of green that huge. I’ll admit that I’d probably buy a house, a car or two, make some investments, get that woodshop I’ve always dreamed about, and with the refrigerator with nothing but beer in it. Yeah.

Then on the other hand, I’m reminded of the stories you always hear whenever someone wins a lottery. You know the ones I mean. The financial consultants who take the money and vanish. The random people who just sue your ass because hey, it’s not fucking fair that you won and they didn’t. The tax complications. The family members who suddenly appear, hands open.

I can’t say that if all that crap comes with it, it would be worth it. Sure, more money than you can spend in one day is useful, but frankly I don’t want that associated shit with it. I just don’t have the time, and I’m pretty sure that all that money wouldn’t buy me any of that.

Really and truly, wealth means I don’t have to put up with any of that crap. It also means:

Bacon. By the delicious truckload, too.

Assistants. I admit that with enough money, I’d use some of it to have a bunch of folks who do stuff for me, like carry extra beer or make bacon. Or make sure the toilet wasn’t running after I flushed. Oh, and take out the trash.

Tools. Enough money would mean I could go to Home Depot and leave with cool, new shit and no guilt. That would be so much better than what I do now, which is leave with nothing and a big pile of angsty frustration.

Books. I once claimed that I could walk into a big bookstore with $10,000 and emerge with a hand truck and pocket change. This is one of the first things I’d set out to prove. Great news is, with a lot of money and no need to work anymore, I’d have time to read.

There’s probably more I could come up with. Maybe someday if I’m wealthy I’ll have a dude who does nothing but come up with what I’m thinking, since I don’t do it well in a consistent manner. That same dude could remind me of shit I forget too.


34 Responses to “AutoTopic: What Does Wealth Mean To You?”

  1. I’d pay people to read my blog just so I feel like a real writer… hell, maybe I’d just self publish some trashy novel and then I could say I’m a published author!

  2. Probably why wealthy people give a lot of their money away…more hassle than it’s worth. Oh, and did you hear about the bacon casket, so now you can take your bacon with you to the grave? I wondered if you had a side racket going outside your Army career creating and marketing the bacon casket…this HAD to be your idea!

  3. Great auto topic… and a great thought to ponder. I just heard some dildo who won the giant jackpot is saying the ticket they won with was a “separate ticket” than the ticket that they pooled in with co-workers.

    Like, really?

    Reading would definitely be done more if I didn’t have to work a 9-5er. This work thing is highly overrated!

  4. I would rather have wealthy people problems, then poor people problems.


  5. I would use all the money to leave it all behind.
    And family would just get a bunch of debit cards with money on them so they could spend it without the tax burden.
    those would be delivered before I moved to my new home, address redacted.

  6. that’s actually enough money to pay someone to invent a machine that will allow your assistant to simultaneously make bacon while handing you beer….

  7. One word: anonymity. If you’ve seen The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, that’s my idea of wealth. Being able to go wherever I want pretty much undetected and not being tied down by too much shit. I know, how very CIA of me. Oh, and bacon is in the equation somewhere.

  8. You could also afford a personal library. And by that I don’t mean lots of assemble yourself bookcases.

  9. whiteladyinthehood Says:

    I think the woodshop is a great idea.

  10. John Erickson Says:

    You know, my wife cooks bacon REALLY great, and since I don’t drink alcohol, I’d be the perfect beer butler. And I know about tools, so I could run to the Home Depot for you while you leaned back with your feet up, watching some silly football game or something.
    And just so you know, there’s a referendum going around our town that would require me to post a big sign in the front yard:
    “To Hell with the Dog, Beware of The Homeowner!”.
    So I got that going for me, which is good. 😉

  11. The first thing I would do with money is disappear!!! Have to try to avoid those rich people problems somehow. Then I’d give all my kids some money, make sure everyone in my family is comfortable. Then I would read & write my blog every day! But first I would have to pay someone to come up with a bacon substitute that tastes like bacon, smells like bacon, has the same texture as bacon but does not clog one single artery – I want to stick around to enjoy my money after all!

  12. I’m so with you on the hand truck piled high with books… A personal library of first editions please! And a fireplace, cozy chair, and lots of free time… 🙂

  13. Wealth means never having to say you’re sorry. Since I’m not wealthy I apologize, OK not really, for sharing this spam gem with you: Thanks you for your post, Imagine a life that is free from the shameful pains of constipation.

  14. Matt, I thought of you the other night while watching “The Best Thing I Ever Ate” . . .

    One of the celebrity chefs shared his favorite restaurant’s decadent three layer chocolate mousse with . . . BACON sprinkles!

    Wealth to me is having ENOUGH ~ so I don’t have to worry about how to pay for health insurance, food, shelter, and chocolate.

  15. ah… endless supply of bacon is reason enough to deal with all the crap wealth tags along like inlaws, or smelly people on the bus.. and no signs of guilt while shopping?! Priceless…

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