It Is Over

It is over. Winter, I mean. Not only officially since the Vernal Equinox was last week and shit, but also because it just is. I know this. I know this because I mowed my lawn this weekend. So you know, I’m writing this in the post-mowing euphoria after sitting on my front porch and drinking a beer while I surveyed my handiwork completed on Sunday.

Yeah, it was just a beautiful day, one that could not be passed up trolling the internet – not even on awesome blogs like all of yours. Not even porn watching idiots on YouTube wreck themselves, or porn how-to instructables on making thermite woodworking jigs could keep me inside. It is (was by the time you read this) one of those iconic Spring days that is so stunningly beautiful that it is just about painful to be outside. Trees popping buds and new leaves, all the shrubs stretching after a mini-winter break. Weeds overcoming my lawn because the scheduled lawn maintenance here on post hasn’t hit the “go” date yet.

Of course, their schedule cannot change – weather be damned. The schedule is what’s important. Anyway, the only thing that would have made the day better would be to send .30-06 rounds through rainbow-pissing, glitter-coated unicorns while I sat on my front porch and jacked new rounds into the chamber of my rifle. Unfortunately, those migrated east and the season for those is over anyway. Fuck.

Part of my task prior to mowing was a go/no-go situation: putting the lawnmower into working order. After my busy Army travel schedule and the Winter, I realized I’d not mowed in over a year. The poor mower was coated in dust and spider pods. Even fresh gas didn’t revive it, and I gave up yanking the fucking cord after only twenty minutes. So I did a complete overhaul, short of disassembling it completely and cleaning it. It is rough now, but functional. Gotta love Briggs and Stratton.

At any rate, I mowed. The delightful smell of freshly-cut grass was everywhere, and I thanked Karma (the bitch) for not making me allergic, because the entire Outside here in Kansas is coated in that greeny-yellow pollen dust. Three full bags of cuttings went into the mulch pile, setting it up for epic mulching action deep inside it’s rotting, warm core. We (me and the dudes in my head) like our mulch. Waste not, want not.

Naturally, the capstone event of the day was cracking that beer yanked unceremoniously from the far back of the ‘fridge – the coldest one – and then plopping my fat, middle-aged, white ass down on my deck chair to sip beer and watch my lawn just sit there, mowed and awesome-looking. The grass smell was still floating around, too, making it even more awesome.

At some point this week, I’ll re-string my weedeater and go nuts on making all the boundaries just so. Because I can. I’m a lawn nazi (lower-case quite fucking intentional), and these things keep me on an even keel.


40 Responses to “It Is Over”

  1. …the post-mowing euphoria… What an exiting life you must lead. I tried mowing my (paved)terrace, but that was no fun at all, sadly lacking in euphoria. *sighs*

  2. It’s pretty cool to sit back and admire your hard work, eh? Good job on the lawn… and good job on getting the mower running.

    Fresh cut grass… the smell of it brightens the crappiest of days.

  3. Same weekend here – still basking in post-mow afterglow. Except I sat and watched, and mine was Chardonnay on the porch swing. You shamed me into realizing I’ve evolved into a (p…whipping) highbrow, gosh forbid! After my husband was done mowing and announced, “This is when I could really use a tall, cold one!” I shouldn’t have given the “look” of disapproval which led to his joining me on the porch with a glass of Chardonnay. I should’ve sent him down to the corner market for a 12-pack, eh?

  4. The central part of our fair island just got dumped with 25cms of fresh snow. We luckily escaped the blast..we got freezing rain instead. I’m the lawn-mower in the fam. and can’t wait to get that bad-boy out and actually cutting…grass. I can’t imagine it yet. I’m fucking jealous. Just so you know.

  5. EllieAnn Says:

    dang. i love that smell of newly fresh grass.

  6. Yep, we skipped winter altogether this year.

  7. Nothing like the first mow of the year. (Dad said to always buy Briggs and Stratton lawnmowers – so far so good). The only thing is that we area already into weekly lawn mowing, so the enthusiasm will probably be fading soon here. Meanwhile, enjoy the spring!

  8. The only time I ever crave a beer is right after mowing the lawn. Beer is at it’s height of deliciousness after mowing, I don’t know why…it just is.

  9. whiteladyinthehood Says:

    “sip beer and watch my lawn just sit there, mowed and awesome-looking”…….
    (there is nothing better than that sometimes)

  10. Nothing like the feeling of pride in maintaining a good looking lawn.

  11. I love the smell of fresh cut grass. We have a gardener that comes every Thursday. I have a love/hate with him…love him because he makes the grass look good and smell good, hate him because he wakes up my daughter every time with the leaf blower and the leaf blower smells like a camels rectum.

  12. Sounds like a perfect day to me! I was in Kansas City for the weekend and it was gorgeous, cherry blossoms everyone, 80 degrees. Made it hard for this NW girl to return home to Washington state. So enjoy it for me!

  13. John Erickson Says:

    Um … be careful about that “euphoria” you might be feeling. If the engine on the mower ain’t running right, there’s another name for that euphoric feeling – carbon monoxide poisoning!
    Sorry, my lawn philosophy was bequeathed unto me by my father.
    1 – Is it green? 2 – Can it be cut? Then it’s lawn – go mow it.
    A wise man. Simple, but wise.

  14. Freshly cut grass…ah, yes, the source of my rampant bloody nose this time of year. Damn you, O Spring.

  15. Sounds like you enjoyed the ceremonial first cut (and lawn watching) of the year.

    The weather here this weekend exceeded our greatest expectations. Sunny and warm and breezy and aah . . . . 😎

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