Seasonal Rant

I am always both happy and hesitant every Spring as the season rolls from Winter into more pleasant shit. I normally don’t bitch too much about the weather, except when that frozen white shit falls out of the sky. We don’t like that so much. Other than that, I’m normally quite chill about whatever is happening. Rain bothers me little because I’m too lazy a landscaper and gardener to not appreciate it. Hey, free water!

No, what concerns me about the season change isn’t weather, nor are allergies the root of my problem. In 43 years, I have found absolutely nothing I’m allergic to whatsoever except stupid fucktards. Spring is truly awesome, notably here in Kansas, because it’s a lot of shockingly beautiful days strung end to end, and this goes on for a while before the humidity rolls in and crushes the life out of you. Granted, Kansas is nothing like say, Georgia, but it’s all in what you’re used to at the moment, right? Right.

My problem goes back to … *thinks hard* … a long time back. I noticed that I stopped sleeping regularly every Spring. Why? No idea, but this problem built into epic proportions into my mid 20’s, when the issue spilled over into Fall, which was my hint. I once entertained the notion that the Daylight Savings shift had something to do with it, but clearly a one-hour shift cannot fuck you up for weeks on end. Circadian rhythms adjust, thankfully, or as a veteran Army business traveller, I’d be perpetually zombified.

At one point, I slept about three hours in every four or five days. Total. Then I’d crash in epic fashion and recycle. This happened for about five consecutive years, and I had started to dread the onset of March every year, knowing what torture awaited me. Anyway, my maturer years have brought a lot of relief, and at this point I have a few sleepless nights after the Vernal Equinox (get the connection here yet?) and then mainly just some odd shit, like ‘wake up in the middle of the night for no reason’ shit. Most of the time I can go back to sleep.

Even now that I have the internets (thank you, Mr. Gore, you effete douchebag) an explanation for all this defies me. Admittedly, I have less urgency in locating an answer than before, thank goodness. A few years back a friend suggested that some throwback caveman gene in my DNA activated and was causing this bizarre stuff. I don’t know why he got that idea, but I think it may have had more to do with me shaving my forehead than it did with my sleep pattern.

So here’s to you, Vernal Equinox. Fuckin’ bring it, bitch.


28 Responses to “Seasonal Rant”

  1. Hmmm…does this happen when you’re overseas, or only stateside?

  2. That blows.. and a throwback caveman gene? Sweet!
    *light bulb* I now have a new excuse for everything I do!

    Seriously.. hope you get this crap figured out. Days suck big time without good sleep!

  3. When I get PMS, I get insomnia! Maybe you need to take more sleeping pills? Maybe you are like the ocean and the gravitational pull effects your sleep pattern, going in (wait for it…) waves?

  4. This is some crazy shit! Hahaha! I found your blog through Byronic Man’s blogroll.
    It took me a full week this year to get up before 8:00. This is the first day that I have felt all chipper-like. Daylight savings in the spring does suck…

  5. Apparently, the Ohio State legislature cancelled Spring due to lack of interest. Much like one of my favourite topics, cars, we seem to have accelerated from 30 to 80 in about 3 seconds. Degrees, not MPH. Considering our fall 6 months ago was also rather short, we seem to have invented a new standard for the nation. Wisummer. Two weeks of cold and/or snow, then 11 months of 70 degrees and above, mostly above.
    I miss Chicago. 😦

    • I suspect this effect centers mainly around you, John.

      • Actually, the whole dang eastern half of the country has been setting records. Minnesota’s overnight low temperatures have been beating their record HIGH temperatures for the past few days! Chicago has been seeing 80s, it’s been warmer in North Dakota than it has been in Dallas, and we’re supposed to have a “cold” front come through at the end of the week, dropping us ALL the way down into the 60s – still 10-15 degrees above normal.
        Some people say it’s global warming. I think it’s the 2012 Presidential campaign – too much hot air! πŸ˜€

        • Now that campaign idea works…

          • Sorry, gotta dump on you a little. Summer has become an enemy, compliments of the heat triggering my headaches. Eternal spring would be good – thus my secret desire to move to Canada, land of eternal Spring. And winter. LOTS of winter.
            And VERY short campaigns for government. The best of both worlds! πŸ˜€

          • Don’t rule out Greenland or Iceland.

          • I’m not sure I’d trust the financial community in Iceland. And I’m not ready for my real estate to be over-run by cargo ships looking for the infamous Northwest passage.
            Besides, I like Hamilton. It’s where my regiment lives! πŸ˜‰

          • Dude, I know it was all the rage when you were younger, but they stopped looking for the NW passage a few centuries ago.

  6. whiteladyinthehood Says:

    That is very bizarre that it happens around spring and started when you were a kid..very unique.

  7. John E.
    I live right down the road from Hamilton. You can crash on my couch till you get your welcome warmed there. Uh, cooled? And you are welcome to as much of my winter as you want. I’ll stand at my window and wave as you shovel my drive. We’re 200 miles northof you, and only did that twice this winter(?).
    The polar caps are receding. We can now ship over the top for four months. Ice Road Truckers will soon be Eight Guys With an Airboat

    • So “they” say, Archon. But I think John E. was referring to his high school classmate Henry Hudson.

    • John Erickson Says:

      Thanks for the couch offer, Archon – I might take you up on that sometime!
      And ‘Rants, I’ve seen a fair bit of discussion in the Canadian military to upgrade the RCN with more frigates to patrol passages opening up, a la the Northwest Passage.
      Everything old is new again! πŸ˜€

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