AutoTopic: Share Five Things You’re Good At

I’m good at not dangling participles for one thing, Mr. AutoTopic subject writer. Sheesh. Apparently I write lots gooder than he does. I elected to check this one out because I figured it would be a challenge. I promise not to parse sentences any further as well, so please continue reading about my limited skills.

After some further reflection, this actually is a bit of a challenge, because I really can’t name five whole things I’m really any good at doing. No seriously, and no I don’t really count the Army as something I’m good at simply because the Practice Effect really works. After doing this shit for about 20 years you’d expect some level of competence, right? Right… no? Okay, it’s your tax money. Just sayin.’

So on with some kind of list:

Wood Stuff: I have a knack for making shit out of wood and also for repairing and refinishing stuff other dudes made out of wood. Great thing is, I really enjoy it too. It’s all very Zen, with the measuring twice but cutting once. That, and you can point at that shit when you’re all done and say, “I made that, yo.”

Food Stuff: I am decent at cooking. I am almost unwilling to rate this as a full-up win because while I can successfully pull random ingredients from the cupboard and come up with awesomeness, I cannot for the life of me get baked things right. Well, I can do cake. Woopty-shit. At least I’ll never starve provided meat and vegetables are available to cook.

Word Stuff: I was the Nerd Boy who was always in advanced English, go figure. People have consistently told me I write well, but I don’t tend to see this as something I’m particularly good at. I see it more like Major League‘s Ricky Vaughn. I wind up, let fly with words and shit, and then look at it and think, “Wow, what the fuck is that? Totally insipid crap.” Sometimes it’s all about the control.

…And this is where I run out of steam. Instead of trying to make shit up merely for the sake of pretending to be entertaining, I figured a quick list of minor talents and also-rans would be much better:

  • I know enough about computers to be a danger to myself only.
  • I have successfully grown potted plants.
  • I have been consistently producing carbon dioxide for some time now.
  • I have a demonstrated proclivity for taking things apart.
  • I can dress myself provided the clothes are color-matched by the Army for me.
  • I can convert beer into warm water rather efficiently, but as yet I’ve found zero second-order benefit from this.
  • Based on the way my cat acts, I am consistently warm.

Okay, that’s it. Now I’m totally out of major and minor talents. Yeah, this was a stretch goal.


20 Responses to “AutoTopic: Share Five Things You’re Good At”

  1. Fighting, screwing and reading the news. Oh shoot that’s only three.

  2. Always good for the self-confidence! 😉

  3. Oh, so you’re the one to blame for that carbon dioxide…careful with your answer..the EPA might be watching?

  4. keeping a potted plant alive is a significant gift! I have a gardener and that is the only reason my one potted plant is still alive.

  5. “Wood stuff” sounds vaguely pornographic to me. I’m surprised you didn’t include “vanquishing the undead.”

  6. whiteladyinthehood Says:

    Nothing wrong with nerd boy in advanced English. You’re an excellent writer. This was a really sweet post…I think you are probably being quite modest with your talents.

  7. You, sir, have some mad skillz…

  8. In the wood stuff, I measure five times, cut four, and then run to Home Depot for refills. How about cleaning and oiling that M9 that Obama lent you? That should count. I hear you run a tank that even Sparklebumps would be thrilled with, you’re just not great on fact-finding missions.

  9. Yep. You certainly do write goodly, Well done.

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