Road WTF

Yesterday was awesome, as I described, due to my reward of two Double Double cheeseburgers from In-N-Out for dinner. I know some of you think that’s pretty epic – and not because it’s In-N-Out (which is really why it was awesome) but because you think eating two two-patty burgers is beyond insane (why it’s not – that’s called ‘response to deprivation’).

Anyway, as if that wasn’t a gastronomic feat enough, I woke up starving the fuck to death and ambled out to the free breakfast Holiday Inn Express serves (Note: this is not a plug post). This chain is quickly moving up my List Of Awesome, and fast. Cheesy omelettes, bacon, biscuits, snausage gravy, OJ, bacon, coffee, and cinnamon rolls. And bacon. Yes, I wrecked it and fuck the cholesterol. That’s why they invented gyms.

To the point of this post, my distant early warning to my WTF day – which serves that bitch, Karma, by balancing my Double Doubles – was none other than Nancy Grace shrieking in apoplectic outrage about something. Not that she has any other setting and probably orgasms in strident outrage. I think it was about someone being found guilty, and she clearly and stridently thought they weren’t found quite guilty enough. Outrage, I tell you!

Just as I’d adjusted my mental Ignore the Shrieking Bitch Device, WTF caught up to me. Looking up with a mouthful of bacon, some asshat saunters into the eating alcove in a tee shirt he obviously slept in, epic and raging bed head, socked feet, and boxer shorts. Boxer. Fucking. Shorts.

I know he was over 18 because he had a wedding ring, gray hair, and a wife. She, incidentally, was dressed normally in a sweater and jeans, with sneakers. I must have made some kind of obvious facial expression at this shambling hot mess of befucklement, because the dude sitting next to me obviously knew Bed Head Boxer Boy, and started getting his limited attention.

Now for the cherry on this surreal sundae: The other eating dude, once he got Joe Boxer’s attention, didn’t say shit about the fact he was next to naked. No, what he said was: “Hey, Bob! Shoes! You need shoes!”

What. The. Fuck.

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24 Responses to “Road WTF”

  1. Well, at least you had a double double, if you’re possibly gonna see some guys double single. But still.

  2. I have never seen a sign that says anything about pants. I am new and am following you because, well, I am a mom of three boys that found myself living in a country club community and driving a Suburban. There is a God and he has a wicked sense of humor when the dealership delivered my shiny white Suburban my husband insisted I get and made me put the stickers of the family (more importantly a husband sticker) across the back window my license plate randomly came with “WTF”. I drive it with my head held high, in the bible belt (transplant here) and a smirk and most morning when I drop the boys off at school…no pants. If you get a minute please stop by my page.

  3. The idea of a free breakfast buffet, even though it’s really not free, makes me proud to be an American.

  4. Wow. I have seen a lot, but never boxers at a hotel breakfast. You think that’s great- I usually stay at a Homewood Suites- they give you breakfast AND dinner!

  5. This story has In ‘n Out cheeseburgers, bacon, Nancy Grace, and a guy that sounds like he strolled in from “The Hangover.” I can’t see a single thing to criticize here.

  6. John Erickson Says:

    Hey, I get started in the morning, slower than a diesel trying to crank up during a Russian winter – and I’ve NEVER been caught in public without proper clothing. Perhaps with inappropriate messages (dudes in 3-piece suits don’t seem to appreciate sci-fi fen in their vicinity), but always clothed.
    And just one question – have you ever seen Nancy Grace NOT screaming in indignation? If so, you’re one up one me! 😀

  7. whiteladyinthehood Says:

    shambling hot mess of befucklement – now, thats a line you don’t hear everyday…..hahaha – you are too funny.

  8. Hey, I hear those Holiday Inn Expresses are “just like home.” I guess the guy heard that same thing….

    Snausages rule!!!

  9. You really crack me up! Semi-nudity is almost normal in my part of the world…It’s bad enough knowing what underwear someone has on, but even worse when there’s more hanging out – than in!

  10. Befucklement, hee hee, that’s awesome.

    I would think someone would notice if they walked out without their pants on. And if not, the wife should have noticed cuz that’s what we do, we give everyone the once over before going anywhere.

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