Even More Shit I Believe (Three)

To be honest I didn’t think I’d come up with two of these let alone three. I mean, there’s a very limited capacity in my head, so there’s not much source material to begin with. Anyway, as always, I will put the disclaimer out there about opinions and assholes, yada yada. But these are my opinions, and you’re fully entitled to them.

Cutting to the chase…

I believe:

… that once you adopt the adjective ‘fundamentalist’ into how you communicate your religion of choice, you also qualify for some other particular adjectives.

… that we should change the term ‘adjective’ to ‘adnoun’ to make things easier since we have ‘adverbs,’ which is self-explanatory.

… that only one person can make you happy and that person is you, because it is a choice, not a condition.

… beer and coffee are only rented, never owned.

… the government is up to its nipples in a hot mess of shit they have no business being involved in.

… that being famous doesn’t automatically qualify you to comment on national policy or security issues, so stick to acting, sports, singing or whatever other useless shit you get paid way too much to do.

… raising boys is inherently easier than girls because with sons you only have to worry about what one particular penis is doing, whereas with daughters you have to worry about what all the penises are doing.

… there is something disturbing about the notion that you have to be licensed to drive, boat, hunt, marry, and operate lots of big machines but anyone can go have a kid, even as an accident.

… the internet was invented mainly as a way for people to share porn.

… you can pick your friends, pick your nose, but you should not pick your friend’s nose.

… I need more beer.

I hope you all out there continue to find these brain turds amusing.