Freak Ass Spam #2

To confuse you even more while visiting my bizarre little corner of the web, I’ve started numbering my Freak Ass Spams after I split off the Sick Search Terms portion, which will also be numbered and equally separately… ouch, bad sentence. Gotta get the next five posts for my WordPress Pavlovian stroke, right?

Here are the latest boogers I’ve carefully excavated from the nose of spamments:

Sun Holidays – This needs some research, because on a scale of good to bad, the Sun taking a holiday would be a bad thing. Just saying. Lots of shit here depends on the Sun.

Debtor education course – No thanks, fucktard. I already know all I need to about being a debtor. Been there, done that, got the tee shirt. Go away.

Wine photography – I am continually astounded by the niche specialties people actually get paid for. Somehow I imagined this conversation fragment: “Oh, that’s Armand – he is the preeminent wine photographer in all of France.” Yeah, so very impressed. Right up there with posing rocks.

This gem from Brazil – “My brother recommended I would possibly like this blog. He was totally proper. This publish truly produced my day. You are able to not believe just how a lot time I had spent for this information! Thanks!” No, I am able to not properly believe that whatever Portuguese/English translation software you were recommended produced this mangled note. That, and your brother is a mouth-breather.

Taco Bell scholarship – So many questions here. Is this subsidized education in the art and science of shitty Mexican fast food? Chile theory? Burrito research? Perhaps Taco Bell has learned of my epic bean recipe and patent burrito-folding technique after my Freshly Pressed episode, and are now moving in to eliminate me from the market competition.

Plumber plumbing – Scary at best. As if ‘plumber butt’ isn’t a bad enough mental image, now we’re moving into discussion of the interior regions? Or worse, the exterior fittings? Anyone want to sweat that joint, because I’m not fucking touching it.

Smart Repair – I was really tempted to investigate this one, because I’m one of those folks who could benefit from repairing my smart. I’d do more gooder at everything. Like fixing shit betterer.

Boredom Guru – I may have just found me a new profession once this Army gig plays out. I just have to figure out whether I’m giving sage advice to folks who are bored (teenagers) and don’t want to be, or to folks who are way, way too amped-up and need themselves some intense boredom.

Cheap tyres in Glasgow – I’m relieved to know that I can get those on the cheap. If I ever find myself in Glasgow. If I ever need a tyre – or more – there. Unless of course this is all just code for something that has nothing to do with fixing your lift. Or lorry. Odds are good, however, that should I be in Glasgow, I’ll be far from capable of driving. So stick that in your bonnet.

I have to say I’m relieved that the obvious, bizarre porn referenced seem to have decreased for the moment.

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25 Responses to “Freak Ass Spam #2”

  1. Or taking a holiday on the sun?!! SPF 85429 please …

  2. I thought you meant FREAK ASS spam like they be sending me. From the porn sites. You get Taco Bell spam and I get FREAK ASS spam. Broken English spam is funny as hell so I just laugh.

  3. I get crazy crap in my spam folder.
    Smart Repair? Mayhaps my mechanic may want to look into that since he seems to diddle in Dumbass M F’er Repair.

  4. Mmmmmmmmm……Taco Bell.

  5. Did you know that if the sun took a vacation , we wouldn’t know it for 8 minutes? Just a little trivia for you.
    Also, I am not Brazilian, but people say I’m a gem… does it count if I have a Brazilian wax?

  6. Taco Bell scholarship: for those who think readin’ and ritin’ and ‘rithmetic are for the smart kids, I guess?

    Somebody found my blog the other day with “What happened to Tom?” And I sure as hell don’t know.

  7. jennygoth Says:

    always feel like singing that song off monty python about spam lol i dont bother just straight to the delete button xxjen

  8. I’m jealous and just a little bit pissed, Brain! Your spam is far better than mine! Is there some sort of secret spam hierarchy on WordPress? Is this discrimination of some kind (just in case I need to consult an attorney)? Is it a privilege that comes with being Freshly Pressed? Inquiring minds want to know….

  9. John Erickson Says:

    Taco Bell scholarships, eh? And here, I thought they were just the place were Mexicans paid they’re phone bills. 😉

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