Failing To Acclimate

I can’t speak for everyone out there, but I can say with some certainty that this is a warm winter. Sixty degrees in February? In Kansas? Yeah, pass the Coppertone. And you can relax, this isn’t about any whackjob global warming theories. I’ve already covered that. I think. No, this is just a rant about my inability to acclimate properly to what ought to be happening right now. Specifically: Winter.

This goes back some years. I’d found that the cold weather gear the Army likes to hand out comes in two flavors: ineffective and overeffective. Meaning, some stuff you wear and are still cold, and other stuff you wear and you’re pushing heatstroke in 20-degree weather. So yours truly figured out that acclimating to the lower temperature would make it all easy. To my surprise, it worked.

As an example, picture this: Germany, early 2000’s. Deep winter with snow, temperature around 30° (F). Add to this incredulous Germans peering out their lace curtains at the young, dumb Captain who is grilling steaks in his running shorts, flipflops, and a tank top. The sound of the bread truck in the distance is heard, and said half-naked dumbass merely grabs a handful of Marks and runs the truck down and proceeds to slaughter the German language but returns with an armful of awesome crusty bread, oblivious to the new snow that is falling.

This vignette courtesy of acclimating. Flash forward to right now, and a less-chiseled lietenant colonel with more mileage is unable to make himself used to low temperatures so that he can be prepared for the remainder of the season in the foothills of the Himalayas. This will make my all-expense-paid vacation in Afghanistan a whole lot less enjoyable right off the bat, which is exactly when I don’t need that shit.

Granted, showing up in Southern Afghanistan in July is no party either and clearly marks the other end of the spectrum, but for some reason heat has always been a whole lot easier for me to deal with than cold. Maybe because I grew up in a desert, perhaps because I have brain damage, or both. You pick. The fact remains I’m not looking forward to rolling off that airplane into the thin, cold air I know is there.

You’re probably wondering what the point of this is. Honestly the answer to that is, there isn’t one. This is nothing but venting my impotent frustration over something I can’t change.

But damn if I don’t feel better.

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20 Responses to “Failing To Acclimate”

  1. Understand the summers there are brutal. Rant on.

  2. You can come out here and climatize yourself! We have 20+ cms of snow down now, with a reported blizzard coming our way to impart another pleasant 20+…fun times. I’m digging out the barbeque and firing it up tonight. Nothing like queing in a blizzard!! Beer is on me!

  3. If its not 75 degrees, the temp Ain’t right!

  4. Right now we are having lovely Temperatures of around -15° C (which I believe to be something around 5°F) here in good old Germany. So I have to say I envy you your warm winter!

  5. I am also having trouble acclimating to this winter. In Alberta, Canada we get some pretty brutal winters (-40 degrees celsius with a wind chill making it feel like -52 is not uncommon), but not this winter. We had 10 days of cold weather where I dragged out the scarves, etc. but the rest of the winter has been pretty much like late fall. It has become so warm here I have reverted back to wearing a sweater to & from work because my coat is just too hot, no winter boots, just my shoes too!
    According to the farmer’s almanac this was supposed to be an absolutely freezing winter & I wasn’t looking forward to that, but a sweater in February?

  6. We had such an easy winter… Until Monday. A few hours ago I cycled back home through the falling snow and all I could think was: everything sounds so matt and I can’t see where I’m driving.
    When did I say that winters are to be cold again?

  7. Mostly I’m having trouble acclimating, because my body expects one thing in Feb, and it’s getting something completely different. Every damn day.

  8. I’m with you – cold is by far more difficult to deal with and consequently worth a good rant sesh. I lived in Alaska for 4 years and came out as an icicle. Proceeded to spend some time in Southeast Asia and stayed as near to comfortable as 110 degrees with 90% humidity will allow. Sounds like you’re moving from one extreme to the next too!

  9. We’re used to warm winters nowadays. Well, I’m off to the gym to look at myself in the mirror.

  10. whiteladyinthehood Says:

    I have had cold, hot, rainy, humid, winter so far…and whitelady broke her femur bone in her 20’s and this plays hell on her leg and knee! I shall be mean old whitelady with a cane probably one day. But, I love me some snow (though it is a rare thing here) and 45 degree’s is a perfect temp for winter.

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